Am I crazy for not being comfortable with this?? (Very long)

JNoelleE · July 2012

My Mom said a week ago that she could watch my son, for a couple hours while I went to a job interview tomorrow. My sister, who works a lot as a nurse and has our family watch her daughter often, called my Mom today today to ask if she could watch her daughter. My Mom said that she had already agreed to watch my son, but that she could still watch her daughter (my niece) too.

She didn't ask me if I would feel comfortable with this, being that my son is only 2.5 months old and this is only my Moms second time watching him, and it would be at my tiny 1 bedroom apartment. She assumed it would be fine to have my 16 month old niece over too, and she could just watch both. I am not comfortable with this.

My niece is going through a really bad phase of biting, throwing things and hitting, and the last time I saw her and I had my son with me, he was peacefully sleeping in his car seat as we were getting ready to leave, and she came up and yanked his pacifier out of his mouth! She scratched his poor little face with her nails, and she did it soo fast, there was really no way to prevent it. You would have to be watching her very carefully, always on edge, to make sure that she didn't do something to hurt him. Even if it was on accident. And honestly, I don't know how my mother could make sure to be tending to my sons needs, feeding him, responding to his cries etc, while chasing after my niece. I know that there are a lot of women who have two kids that are this age difference, but it's different when it's your own children and YOU are the one watching them. If something were to happen during your watch, with your own kids, that's different.

So, I told my Mom no, I was not comfortable with that. Now my sister thinks I'm lame and it should be no big deal for my Mom to watch both. I'm annoyed that I was even put in this situation, because I could have easily scheduled this interview for a different day when my husband would be home, but my Mom said she could and wanted do it.

Please reassure me that this is annoying and you wouldn't quite feel comfortable either. My family makes me feel like I am crazy.

WildcatPrincess · July 2012

My opinion probably doesn't count since I have two, but I'd be cool with it for an hour or two. My mom has watched both kids and they've all survived, even with DD's relentless attempts to play catch with DS.

eav2c · July 2012

I would not feel comfortable with this. If you are lame then I am too! Just to add wgat would irk me the most is having a 16m at my house when it's likely not ready thus leading to dangers for everyone, too.

huahualove · July 2012

I think it shoudl be okay for a short time hopefully, but it would have been nice if she asked before hand. If she was watching your LO at her house, I could see where it would be different, but at your house, she should have asked.

Harper'smom · July 2012

I would probably be slightly annoyed if I wasn't asked if another kid could come to my own house. But, you have a sister and regardless of your age difference your mom did keep the two of you alive inspite of one another.

Mrs.Teddy · July 2012

It doesn't really matter what other people think, its your baby and all that matters is what you are comfortable with.

Personally my mother is amazing, she raised 3 kids 28 months apart alone and put herself thru school while running an in home daycare. I think she could handle my whole neighbourhood in addition to my two. But my mom is a super human.

My mother in law I won't allow to watch my own two children.

It all depends on the situation. If you aren't OK with it then make different arrangements.

Your niece's behaviour, as I'm sure you realize is completely normal for her young age.

JNoelleE · July 2012

But my niece bites and hits!! My sister was watching her and our friends daughter who is 7 months old, and she (my niece) went up to the baby and dug her nails into her head and made her bleed! She kept ripping out her pacifier even though she already had one in her mouth.. She's naughty!!

And this is only my Moms second time watching my son... I feel nervous enough leaving him with her!

I mean, I would probably feel totally different in just a couple more months when they are both bigger..

haboyes · July 2012

I don't think you are crazy. We were visiting family last week and my cousin's lithe girl who is also 16 months old tried to get very rough with my LO. She was mostly just curious and didn't know how to be gentle. She was touching him nicely on the head and then hit him in the face (not super hard, but I had a Mama bear reaction), and then tried to pull his boppy newborn lounger out from underneath him. I wouldn't have wanted to leave him with her.

HannahO28 · July 2012

I think it depends on your mother...I think my mother/mother in law are perfectly capable of taking care of two kids at once (even if one of them is at the age where they don't understand how to be gentle with a baby). But if you're not comfortable with your mother watching both kids at once, then I would follow your instincts

Torani · July 2012

I would be fine with it, as long as your mom could handle your niece. My mom watched DS1 when he was a baby and my nephew that is 9mo older with no problem. But my nephew is not a terror, so I can't really relate. It would bother me that it is at your house. Who is to say that you have childproofed yet?

JNoelleE · July 2012

Yeah I hear what you guys are saying. I guess if my mother was different, I may feel better about it, but she is very lenient with my niece and wont even tell her "No" to things because she thinks you shouldn't say No.

And my house is not even kind of baby proofed.. It would be a mess.

ateal2490 · July 2012

JNoelleE:
Yeah I hear what you guys are saying. I guess if my mother was different, I may feel better about it, but she is very lenient with my niece and wont even tell her "No" to things because she thinks you shouldn't say No.
And my house is not even kind of baby proofed.. It would be a mess.

Your house, your rules, girl. Its ridiculous that your mother just okayed your sisters request without even asking you if she could turn your apartment into the Keep it in the Family Daycare center.

I'd stick to my guns if I were you. Your lameass sister can suck it if she doesn't like your particular brand of "lameness." Tough cookies.

learningfromlife · July 2012

I know that the little girls behavior can be normal like PP said but that doesn't mean you have to be ok with her being around your baby during this phase, especially if your mother is not likely to prevent/correct the behaviors.

Oh and WTF to your mom for agreeing to watch someone else's kid at your house without asking.

gisa886 · July 2012

I agree that it wouldn't hurt for the small amount of time you'd be gone. She isn't gonna bite your baby's finger off. I agree that I might be biased by having two kids very close in age though.

ateal2490 · July 2012

gisa886:
I agree that it wouldn't hurt for the small amount of time you'd be gone. She isn't gonna bite your baby's finger off. I agree that I might be biased by having two kids very close in age though.

I was thinking that as well, but then I realized that the little girl may act out ever more because her mother won't be there watching her. And unless her mom wears her son, she's going to have to set him down at some point...and it looks as though that move would open him up to landing on his little butt because she stole the bouncer from beneath him.

jkfranklin · July 2012

I think I would be more concerned about having a 16 month old in my non-baby-proofed house. That being said, a lot of kids are terrors for their parents but perfect angels when their parents are not around. I would guess that she would be so entertained by the new surroundings that she wouldn't even notice the baby. And like others have said, its only a couple of hours.

JNoelleE · July 2012

jkfranklin:
I think I would be more concerned about having a 16 month old in my non-baby-proofed house. That being said, a lot of kids are terrors for their parents but perfect angels when their parents are not around. I would guess that she would be so entertained by the new surroundings that she wouldn't even notice the baby. And like others have said, its only a couple of hours.

She would be so entertained by the new surroundings... like all my glass candles and nicknacks everywhere, my floor lamp that she was shaking back and forth the last time she visited, the drawers in my kitchen with all the utensils-and she does notice my baby too, actually. She will try to rock him if he is in his rnp or carseat- and the rocking will quickly turn into very fast jerking, if you don't stop it. The last time I had my son with me and she was there, (when we were all at my dads house for fathers day) she was running around, and then stopped and went up to him in his carseat, started to rock it, I was holding it so she when she started to jerk it back and forth really fast, I was already putting a stop to it. Then that's when she yanked his pacifier out of his mouth super fast, scratching his face...

Anyway, I know that others that are moms of two see how it could work out, but I feel like being both of their moms you are just more equipped to handle it, and you have your own system that works well for you. And most likely your house is childproofed.. I just don't see how my mom could juggle the two.

I dont know... I think this circumstance might be a little special because while I know that it is normal for a 16 month old to be acting this way, I do believe that she is a little extreme with some of it. She has a total of about 6 different people watching her often, and she doesn't seem to have any consistently as far as rules go, and I feel like she is acting out because of it.

I also think I'm mainly annoyed because my sister and my Mom just assumed this would be okay without checking with me. And honestly, I feel like because my Mom watches my sisters baby all the time, at least a couple times a week, that she couldn't just not watch her this one time? It kinda bugs me. I don't ask for much, and when I do, its a big mess because my mom needs to figure out how she's going to watch my niece too. Maybe I'm being hormonal about it, but that's how I feel.

Sorry this response turned so huge!

jessandandy09 · July 2012

I don't think your crazy. I think my DH is crazy, he won't let anyone outside of me and him watch our DD at all! NOt my mom, not his mom, not my sister etc... Its okay to feel uncomfortable and its okay to ask for what you want. You should do what makes you feel secure. I am sure your child will survive and be fine with your mom and niece (altho i agree that it is rude and not okay for how the situation developed) but if you are uncomfortable with it, don't do it. speak up for how you feel because its your baby and your life.

llizzyb · July 2012

I wouldn't be comfortable with it for a whole day, but I think I would allow it for a couple of hours to maintain family harmony.

kkfeb04 · July 2012

If you are uncomfortable with it then find another sitter or tell your mom that she can't watch both. But please understand that your niece isn't trying to purposely hurt your son, she doesn't understand that the baby can't play or needs gentle hands. I know as a FTM you won't quite understand until your child gets to be that age. I'm not trying to talk down to you or anything like that but I didn't understand it until DS hit that age. He wasn't a biter or anything but he is a little boy who can be rough on toys. Here's a little story for you: I was on my last week of ML two months ago picking up DS from daycare with DD. One of the little girls asked to see my baby, DS runs over going no, no, no, pushed her away from DD's carseat. He said baby (as he calls DD) and whacks her on the head. I felt slightly bad for DD get hit on the head by her big brother but I realized that she will hit him soon enough and I was proud that my son finally acknowledged his sister (the previous 7 weeks was rough and he did not transition well at all). I also told him that he shouldn't push people and it wasn't nice. He didn't seem to get it. He wasn't malicious in his actions, he just didn't understand.

I know you want more of the OMG what was she thinking but honestly you are making it sound like the 16 month old is pure evil. Yes, your mom should have asked if it was okay since she is babysitting at your house. What if you take your LO over to your sister's house where it is baby-proofed or should be anyway? If you aren't still comfortable with it, please let your mom know but with a little more tact than you explained to us. Telling her you don't think she can handle two isn't going to go over very well. Especially if you are going to have her babysit your son other times.

FusionLMT · July 2012

I would be more irritated that she said yes at your home without asking. I wouldn't have a problem of the actual watching of the two together. But yes, that is typical behavior for a toddler. You should learn how to redirect her behavior instead of just telling her no and being mean about it.

dojo1 · July 2012

I wouldn't be upset about this. It'd be alright for a couple of hours. DS would probably sleep for 90 mins of the two hours. No biggie.

Eta: I retract, I would be upset about everything going down at my house without my ok. If it was all going to happen at my sister's house or mom's house, I'd be ok with it.

JenLiggons · July 2012

It's annoying, yes, but are you paying her? I know when my MIL watches LO I'm just grateful that she's willing and I don't have to pay someone.

Besides, she raised at least two kids right? I don't think we give ours moms/MILs enough credit sometimes. They DID raise us, after all. Being a FTM I understand the nerves, but I wouldn't make a big deal about it I would respectfully decline without details to why if it makes you nervous.

erniebufflo · July 2012

FusionLMT:
I would be more irritated that she said yes at your home without asking. I wouldn't have a problem of the actual watching of the two together. But yes, that is typical behavior for a toddler. You should learn how to redirect her behavior instead of just telling her no and being mean about it.

This. Maybe it's because I have two, but the idea that one infant requires one adult's undivided attention kind of makes me laugh a little bit.

JNoelleE · July 2012

erniebufflo:
FusionLMT:
I would be more irritated that she said yes at your home without asking. I wouldn't have a problem of the actual watching of the two together. But yes, that is typical behavior for a toddler. You should learn how to redirect her behavior instead of just telling her no and being mean about it.
This. Maybe it's because I have two, but the idea that one infant requires one adult's undivided attention kind of makes me laugh a little bit.

Its not so much that the infant requires one adults undivided attention, it's the 16month old that would be running around!

JNoelleE · July 2012

FusionLMT:
I would be more irritated that she said yes at your home without asking. I wouldn't have a problem of the actual watching of the two together. But yes, that is typical behavior for a toddler. You should learn how to redirect her behavior instead of just telling her no and being mean about it.

I should do what now? She is not my child... I don't tell her no and am mean about it, I don't know where you got that from. I mentioned that my mom doesnt ever use the word no, and she runs wild while she is with her.

JNoelleE · July 2012

kkfeb04:
If you are uncomfortable with it then find another sitter or tell your mom that she can't watch both. But please understand that your niece isn't trying to purposely hurt your son, she doesn't understand that the baby can't play or needs gentle hands. I know as a FTM you won't quite understand until your child gets to be that age. I'm not trying to talk down to you or anything like that but I didn't understand it until DS hit that age. He wasn't a biter or anything but he is a little boy who can be rough on toys. Here's a little story for you: I was on my last week of ML two months ago picking up DS from daycare with DD. One of the little girls asked to see my baby, DS runs over going no, no, no, pushed her away from DD's carseat. He said baby (as he calls DD) and whacks her on the head. I felt slightly bad for DD get hit on the head by her big brother but I realized that she will hit him soon enough and I was proud that my son finally acknowledged his sister (the previous 7 weeks was rough and he did not transition well at all). I also told him that he shouldn't push people and it wasn't nice. He didn't seem to get it. He wasn't malicious in his actions, he just didn't understand.

I know you want more of the OMG what was she thinking but honestly you are making it sound like the 16 month old is pure evil. Yes, your mom should have asked if it was okay since she is babysitting at your house. What if you take your LO over to your sister's house where it is baby-proofed or should be anyway? If you aren't still comfortable with it, please let your mom know but with a little more tact than you explained to us. Telling her you don't think she can handle two isn't going to go over very well. Especially if you are going to have her babysit your son other times.

Oh my gosh. Okay first, I know that toddlers do things like bite and throw things. I know they are not meaning to be mean, or harmful. I get that. I have not made her out to be pure evil. I think that she is going through a bad phase. I dont consider biting, throwing and hitting to be a good phase. I consider her to be a little naughty. Most toddlers are- the terrible two's are called this for a reason.

Second, I was venting about it on an internet forum. There is no 'tact' issue. And actually, it isn't just that I would worry about how my mom could juggle the two or 'handle it'-its about the inevitable things that can happen when you put a 16month old and a 2.5 month old together in a small tiny non baby proofed appt..

Third, your own son hit your own daughter... its different! If another baby hit your baby on the head, I'm sure it would make you a little upset. If I decide to have two kids close in age, (which I might) and I am with them and something like that happens-that's one thing. But when it is under someone else's watch, when you weren't there from someone else's child, it's frustrating... Because you didn't ask for that situation.. does that make sense?

And you know, I think the point of this has been overlooked. Its not just about that I didn't feel comfortable, its that there was no consideration for how I might feel about it.

But whatever, I get that I was going to receive different responses. Thank you to those who understood where I was coming from.

Also, In case you were all wondering, I did not have my Mom watch him. My aunt did, and my sister watched my niece. My mom ended up getting in an argument with her husband and when my sister called her she was completely drunk. So, that's that. I also wont be needing a babysitter when I go back to work, because it will be around my husbands schedule, so I wont need to worry about this on a regular basis.

Also, I kicked ass at my interview. Yee!

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