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January 2013 Moms
Questions about baby showers
How far before you have the baby do you have one? Can you do it yourself or is that a no-no? Do people have any Jack and Jill shower success stories?
Another sort-of-related topic/question. Last night DH tells me he wants to build something for the baby. Like out of wood with his bare hands. I have never seen this man build anything other than a computer or assemble a particleboard bookshelf, and I'd like to register for matching nursery furniture. What would you do in this situation?
Ashley
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Questions about baby showers
26 years old, married since June 2009, DS born 1/19/13
Dear Baby Pacheco...
I'm having my shower about 6-8 weeks before I'm due. All of the grandmothers (soon-to-be great-grandmothers) are throwing me the shower, but I'm helping. They wanted to make sure that I got everything I wanted without too much pressure of planning.
As for your husband building the baby something, I think that's a great idea. My boyfriend wanted to build our baby something too, so he's making a rocking chair. I also wanted matching furniture for the nursery and a rocking chair is something that can pretty much match anything and that we'll be able to use even after the baby gets older.
I've been to a Jack & Jill baby shower before and it was actually kinda nice that the dad got to be part of it. It was kind of like a big party, so it was fun!
I like the idea of having DH build a bookshelf or something for the baby, that would be so special!
It is considered to be in pretty bad taste to throw yourself a shower. If someone offers to throw you one, then they can determine the best time to throw the show, but generally I'd say 1-2 months before the due date, depending on timing. Now for us January Mamas that is smack in the middle of the holiday season, so there's no harm pushing it earlier. But really it's about when the person throwing the shower can/wants to throw it. Things like travel, etc. can also factor in.
I'd also consider letting your DH make something simple and you can always stain it to match the furniture. Maybe some book shelves?
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DS was due Jan. 17th (born Jan. 5th), so I had my shower rather early at 27 weeks. My cousins hosted it, and they wanted to have something before all the holiday madness.
You DO NOT host your own shower, that's definitly a no no. Your mom, friends, sister, anyone else is fair game.
As for your DH wanting build something. How about a toy box? Home Depot is super helpful, and they might have some classes or tutorials or something he could attend. Either way, I think a toy box is a pretty doable project for a beginner, while also being a special gift to his child. It's also not something HAS to be done before the baby arrives, so if it takes more time it's okay.
This.
Don't ask the question about planning your own shower on the Baby Showers board...they will attack you. In my family we don't plan our own showers, my sisters have already offered to throw me one and my MIL another. I think the one my MIL is planning is a Jack and Jill shower, we did that for our wedding and it was a blast! Plus then my DH can have some fun too.
My DH is not handy in the least but I'm going to ask my brother to build a trunk/hope chest for the baby. He made us a beautiful wood card box for our wedding that we now use as a keepsake box.
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I really like the idea of him building bookshelves or a toybox! He was thinking of building me a rocking chair, but I feel like that's a pretty complicated project for a guy that doesn't build a lot of things. Thanks for the ideas!
I will definitely leave it up to friends/family to throw the shower. My big concern is having it during or near the holidays, but I'm sure whoever ends up throwing it will figure that part out.
I guess you can have it whenever you want, but I think sometime after 30 weeks is generally the norm that I've seen. I was 33 weeks for mine.
Doing it yourself is a definite no-no, most especially if you are registering.
I've never been to a Jack-and-Jill baby shower, just a couple of wedding showers, and either way, it was awkward and strange. In my experience, men don't like showers, period.
I would let him build something, if that's what he wanted to do and will make him proud, and get any other furniture in either black or white and paint whatever he chooses to build in the same color or if it was all of the same kind of wood, stain it all the same. Maybe he could build a small changing table dresser (a dresser the length and width of a changing pad), and then you could get other furniture if you want more space. See what he wants to build, and take it from there.
ETA: I love the idea of him building shelves or even better, a toybox.
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Definitely do not throw your own shower - big etiquette no no. I wouldn't worry too much about the timing. Your hosts, like you said, will figure it out. In my case my family who is planning mine are aiming for the weekend before Thanksgiving. It is a bit on the early side but I would personally like to have it a little early just to avoid having it smack in the middle of the busy holiday season!
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I will probably have a few baby showers just because everyone we know are so spread out.
My first shower will be close to 22/23 weeks because a chunk of our friends will be leaving the country so we have to do it pretty early and it's being hosted by one of the girls [she called dibs on throwing it as soon as she found out about 6 weeks]
I'll have at least one more hosted by [likely] my SIL because my sister will probably not be involved. That should get family/Florida friends but I might have 2 smaller separate ones if that doesn't work out perfectly. This one will probably be in November between 32-34 weeks and will be my last hoorah because I'll have to fly home for it.
Maybe you could let DH make a rocking horse?
Exactly all of this. Please don't throw yourself a shower; it's really tacky. If someone offers to throw you one, like PPs said, do it 1-2 months beforehand. I'm due January 20th and I definitely don't want my shower around Christmas. So, my mom (she's offered to host) wants to throw it the last week of November or first week of December.
I think it's great DH wants to build something. However, I would stick to furniture the baby won't be laying in (crib, changing table, etc.). Most of those items have gone through safety checks and have standards DH may not know about. I'd stick with a bookshelf or nightstand.
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You're not supposed to throw your own shower - it's considered tacky. If no one throws you a shower, you don't get one. (Ex - no one threw my bridal shower, so therefore I didn't have one) It's rude and gift grabby. You can throw a BBQ but I wouldn't put out a registry or anything. Timing depends on a lot. For instance - my shower is being held at 22 weeks, simply because we wanted it sooner for twins (I've been told that anything after 28 weeks is just uncomfortable) and mainly because Labor Day weekend is the only day my hostess can get both of our moms in the same state.
As for the DH topic - I would suggest he could build a cube storage unit. They look simple enough and easy to build
I'd say look at having the shower before the holidays. DS was early December, and if I remember correctly the shower was in late August. It is considered very poor form to throw your own shower. It is generally seen as being gift-grabby.
What I did with DH, who has absolutely no handyman skills, was ask him to create a book for DS. I called it a guys book, but it is essentially a scrapbook (do NOT tell DH this!). I asked him to write down some of what he was going through leading up to DS's birth and to leave pages for him to continue writing in. Provided all kinds of pictures and stuff for him too. It has really turned into a combination scrapbook/journal for DH. But I think this will be something that the two of them can enjoy as DS grows and they add to it. Plus he got to 'build' something for his son!
I definitely don't know shower etiquette, and I would imagine it would mostly depend on how your particular circle of family and friends tends to do things. My SIL is throwing me one in Oct.
My husband has had a similar itch, so he is building a little toybox. I said I wanted an old-fashioned toybox for the baby and didn't want more toys than what would fit in there. I guess he got excited about that, and I like that idea because it won't have to support any weight or anything, and shouldn't be too involved for him to try and do.
Typically your showere is 2 months before you are due- that way you are not too uncomfortable and you have time to put all the stuff away/ get what you still need before baby. Traditionally throwing your own shower is a no-no, and personally I have never been to a mixed shower- none of the guys we know are that interested.
As for your second item, maybe have him make a toy box, or a picture frame. They can be painted/stained to match whatever you register for. I think it's sweet he wants to be involved like that!