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3 weeks ago today..

Mom2ReeseMom2Reese member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I haven't posted on here. Been trying to deal with the loss of our sweet baby in other ways. For some reason, I felt compelled to check the boards today.

 3 weeks ago today, we found out we lost our sweet baby at 6 weeks. After many years of infertility, 1 successful IVF, 3 unsuccessful IVFs this last one was successful but ended in a loss. My heart hurts so very deeply. My sweet 4 year old is what helps me get out of bed inthe morning. And seriously, everyone around me is pregnant.

Just yesterday, the little girl I babysit for in my home, her mom told me she was pregnant and due RIGHT when I was. That was like a dagger to my heart. I cried and cried and cried. Why her? and not me? I felt like I was doing so well at being strong and dealing with this, and yesterday put me back about 10 steps.

I'm also dealing with it by not wanting to do anymore infertilty treatments right now. I'm so SCARED that I will have another miscarriage. Will that fear ever go away? I want so desperately to have a sibling for my sweet daughter, who will be the best big sister. Who was SO excited when we told her there was a baby in my tummy. And who was so sad when we told her we had lost the baby. She still prays every night for Jesus to put a baby in my tummy. Sweetest words I've ever heard.

 The ladies on this board are on my mind many times during the day. What a hard hard thing to endure, no matter the time of your loss.

Wife for 6 years. Mommy to Reese, 3, after IVF. IUI #1 5/07 = BFN. IVF #1 7/07 = BFP (Reese :-)) FET #1 7/10 = BFN. FET #2 4/11 = BFN. IUI #2 9/11 = BFN. IUI #3 (with donor sperm) 11/11 = BFN. IVF with DE 5/12 = BFP! Beta #1 = 222. Beta #2 = 613. First u/s 6/9 due to bleeding and cramping = saw one beautiful baby! EED 2/3/13 M/C on 6/12/12 at 6 weeks. At a crossroads with our next steps... Read about my journey at: www.clayandjobeth.blogspot.com
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Re: 3 weeks ago today..

  • NJMom050911NJMom050911 member

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine going through it after your struggle but I know how it feels to be so excited to give your child a sibling only to have it taken away. It breaks my heart that your daughter is old enough to understand (in her way). I do pray that her prayers are answered and that God will put another little baby in your tummy.

    Don't give up. I know you must have spent a fortune already but if you can try again I would. But only after you heal. Visit the TTCAL board. The ladies there are amazing and there is even a TTCAL IVF check in.

    As for moving on and not being afraid? I am not there yet but I know that one day we will wake up from this nightmare and smile knowing that our precious little angels are with God.

    Big hugs and best wishes for you.

    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 BFP 03/26/13 IT'S A BOY! Please Be Our Rainbow! BabyFruit Ticker
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  • Mom2ReeseMom2Reese member
    imageNJMom050911:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine going through it after your struggle but I know how it feels to be so excited to give your child a sibling only to have it taken away. It breaks my heart that your daughter is old enough to understand (in her way). I do pray that her prayers are answered and that God will put another little baby in your tummy.

    Don't give up. I know you must have spent a fortune already but if you can try again I would. But only after you heal. Visit the TTCAL board. The ladies there are amazing and there is even a TTCAL IVF check in.

    As for moving on and not being afraid? I am not there yet but I know that one day we will wake up from this nightmare and smile knowing that our precious little angels are with God.

    Big hugs and best wishes for you.

     Thank you for your sweet words. I'm so comforted by the fact I will see my sweet babies in heaven one day.

    Wife for 6 years. Mommy to Reese, 3, after IVF. IUI #1 5/07 = BFN. IVF #1 7/07 = BFP (Reese :-)) FET #1 7/10 = BFN. FET #2 4/11 = BFN. IUI #2 9/11 = BFN. IUI #3 (with donor sperm) 11/11 = BFN. IVF with DE 5/12 = BFP! Beta #1 = 222. Beta #2 = 613. First u/s 6/9 due to bleeding and cramping = saw one beautiful baby! EED 2/3/13 M/C on 6/12/12 at 6 weeks. At a crossroads with our next steps... Read about my journey at: www.clayandjobeth.blogspot.com
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  • MandaS08MandaS08 member

    I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know how hard a loss is, especially after dealing with infertility.

    We were supposed to start our second IVF cycle when i surprisingly got pregnant-and now I am petrified to try again-both b/c I don't know how I would handle another loss or a failed cycle.

    TTC since 5/2010
    DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012    BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
    IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate 
    IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
    Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
    U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
    IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
    BFP!   11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13

     

    5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d!  Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    My Blog- http://waitingonaangel.wordpress.com/

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

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