Planning your own shower?

Ami117 · July 2012

I know that planning your own shower is considered wrong and tacky but I think I may just end up doing that. I really don't care about the gifts at all. My SO and myself can afford to buy everything we need, I just really want my baby to be celebrated so I've started planning here and there. Anyone think this is a huge no-no?

Please see the following post to get background info on my situation:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/67132681.aspx

lexusolsen · July 2012

I would just have a BBQ, cook out or party instead. Get all your friends and family together before the baby comes. If you don't need the gifts then there isn't a need for a shower but I understand wanting to celebrate.

cole2144 · July 2012

Congrats on your miracle baby and being cancer free, you have a lot to celebrate! If you feel awkward planning your own shower, have a welcome to the world party.

Hyaline · July 2012

Don't host/plan your own shower. Instead, host a BBQ or party or something else to celebrate that's clearly a no-gifts-expected occasion. Or save the planning for a "meet the baby" party a couple months after the big arrival. It doesn't matter *why* you're hosting your own shower, it will be seen as pure gift-grab tacky.

PS I'm sorry about the issues with your parents--that is in no way a positive situation to be in, and you have my total empathy there. You know what? I'm a devout Christian and I still believe a baby is *always* something to be celebrated, so this kind of hypocrisy (casting the first stone much?) really gets me upset.

morethancottoncandy · July 2012

First and foremost, congratulations on your baby and being cancer free.

A shower is really a party for the MTB, not a celebration of the baby. Why not have a meet the baby party after baby is here. In my opinion, if celebrating your baby is what your after, its kind of silly to have a party without the baby!

ashtonblair123 · July 2012

Yeah, I wouldn't call it a shower. I would do a meet the baby party after the baby comes to actually celebrate the baby. If you call it a shower, people will automatically think they are expected to bring a gift.

caymanianseminole · July 2012

I think it is totally up to you! I honestly don't see what's wrong with planning your own shower and you can then be free to celebrate it as you wish . Congrats on overcoming such an awful situation !

Cranang · July 2012

morethancottoncandy:

First and foremost, congratulations on your baby and being cancer free.

A shower is really a party for the MTB, not a celebration of the baby. Why not have a meet the baby party after baby is here. In my opinion, if celebrating your baby is what your after, its kind of silly to have a party without the baby!

All of THIS.

morethancottoncandy · July 2012

caymanianseminole:
I think it is totally up to you! I honestly don't see what's wrong with planning your own shower and you can then be free to celebrate it as you wish . Congrats on overcoming such an awful situation !

It's a pretty big breach of etiquette to throw a gift giving event (a shower) for yourself.

BallSox · July 2012

Without even clicking, I can tell you that planning your own shower is tacky, regardless of circumstance.

You are soliciting gifts for yourself.

There is nothing, however, stopping you from throwing a welcome baby party after the baby is here! Congrats.

Allycat11 · July 2012

Cranang:
morethancottoncandy:

First and foremost, congratulations on your baby and being cancer free.

A shower is really a party for the MTB, not a celebration of the baby. Why not have a meet the baby party after baby is here. In my opinion, if celebrating your baby is what your after, its kind of silly to have a party without the baby!

All of THIS.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

sabriel1 · July 2012

If this is REALLY not about the gifts and instead about celebrating the baby you should have a party when the baby is ACTUALLY persent (seems kind of obvious). Have a meet the baby party instead. Then you can be the proud mama showin' her baby off

sesigs · July 2012

It's fine to plan a celebration for your baby but don't call it a shower. To me a shower automatically implies an event where gifts are given. I would personally plan a BBQ/lunch/dinner (maybe reveal the sex at the party?) if you want to celebrate before or have a "meet the baby" party a few weeks after LO arrives. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Liz4444 · July 2012

BallSox:

Without even clicking, I can tell you that planning your own shower is tacky, regardless of circumstance.

You are soliciting gifts for yourself.

There is nothing, however, stopping you from throwing a welcome baby party after the baby is here! Congrats.

This. Don't call it a shower, don't mention a registry, and have a great time planning your party. Congratulations.

Ami117 · July 2012

Thank you everyone or your input. I think I will go with a meet the baby party

KayaXavier · July 2012

We had a shower for our second child recently and though I didn't throw it myself, I had been so excited to find out I was expecting that I had finished shopping months prior for everything that we didn't still have, so we had a little note on our invites that said "please, no presents, just your presence". Kind of corny but I didnt want gifts. Maybe you could do something like that so that it wouldn't be like you were throwing yourself a gift giving event? Several people still brought us gifts anyway but gifts definitely weren't the focus of the shower.

rhubarb123 · July 2012

You are totally right. Planning your own shower is wrong and tacky. If you want to celebrate the BABY then have a party when the baby is there (which is not the case if the shower is before baby is even born!). Have a meet the baby party/BBQ, etc. Especially if it "isn't about the gifts".

eav2c · July 2012

PP's got it right. Don't call it a shower and do something like a meet the baby after the fact where the baby call truly be celebrated.

DelBride2012 · July 2012

See, the problem with saying you want a shower that isn't about the presents is that showers are inherently about the presents. Showers are not a "celebration" of the baby or the mother, they are an occasion where the expectation is that guests shower the guest-of-honor with gifts.

Ami117 · July 2012

If ya'll didn't see already, a couple comments up I said I'm going for the meet the baby party, instead. I like this idea better

blue1981 · July 2012

I know you aren't supposed to plan your own shower but I personally would still come to a shower regardless of who planned it. I say live your life the way you want to and do what you think is right. You have been through a lot and you deserve to have what you want and be happy.

ambrlynn8 · July 2012

Personally, I'd say planning your own shower is your business. Some of us do not have family around to plan a shower, or friends who have the money to throw a shower. I have been asked by a few people when my shower is and if it's soon, and I have absolutely no one here to plan it, so I just respond, "I really am not sure I'm having a shower"." My aunt threw it last time, however, she isn't working right now, and might be moving, so I wouldn't think she would plan it this time. I don't even take notice as to who is planning a baby shower, and even with my aunt planning the baby shower last time, I still made and sent out the invitations.

The only option I've been presented is my mom offering to throw a shower in a different state, because she won't come here "twice in a year." Since I might be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy or modified bed rest, it's highly unlikely my dr will let me travel out of state.

If you're really concerned about the etiquette, then do what previous posters stated, "have a meet the baby" party. It's up to you.

BallSox · July 2012

ambrlynn8:
Personally, I'd say planning your own shower is your business. Some of us do not have family around to plan a shower, or friends who have the money to throw a shower. I have been asked by a few people when my shower is and if it's soon, and I have absolutely no one here to plan it, so I just respond, "I really am not sure I'm having a shower"." My aunt threw it last time, however, she isn't working right now, and might be moving, so I wouldn't think she would plan it this time. I don't even take notice as to who is planning a baby shower, and even with my aunt planning the baby shower last time, I still made and sent out the invitations.
The only option I've been presented is my mom offering to throw a shower in a different state, because she won't come here "twice in a year." Since I might be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy or modified bed rest, it's highly unlikely my dr will let me travel out of state.
If you're really concerned about the etiquette, then do what previous posters stated, "have a meet the baby" party. It's up to you.

Maybe that's why no one has stepped up to host one.

ambrlynn8 · July 2012

BallSox:
ambrlynn8:
Personally, I'd say planning your own shower is your business. Some of us do not have family around to plan a shower, or friends who have the money to throw a shower. I have been asked by a few people when my shower is and if it's soon, and I have absolutely no one here to plan it, so I just respond, "I really am not sure I'm having a shower"." My aunt threw it last time, however, she isn't working right now, and might be moving, so I wouldn't think she would plan it this time. I don't even take notice as to who is planning a baby shower, and even with my aunt planning the baby shower last time, I still made and sent out the invitations.
The only option I've been presented is my mom offering to throw a shower in a different state, because she won't come here "twice in a year." Since I might be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy or modified bed rest, it's highly unlikely my dr will let me travel out of state.
If you're really concerned about the etiquette, then do what previous posters stated, "have a meet the baby" party. It's up to you.
Maybe that's why no one has stepped up to host one.

They know she's out of work, and probably moving. My only family here is her who is out of work and probably moving, and my father. The rest of my family lives in California. And that pregnancy was at a very different time than this pregnancy so the people who went to that one, I haven't even talked to since my son's first birthday.

Liz4444 · July 2012

ambrlynn8:
BallSox:
ambrlynn8:

Personally, I'd say planning your own shower is your business. Some of us do not have family around to plan a shower, or friends who have the money to throw a shower. I have been asked by a few people when my shower is and if it's soon, and I have absolutely no one here to plan it, so I just respond, "I really am not sure I'm having a shower"." My aunt threw it last time, however, she isn't working right now, and might be moving, so I wouldn't think she would plan it this time. I don't even take notice as to who is planning a baby shower, and even with my aunt planning the baby shower last time, I still made and sent out the invitations.

The only option I've been presented is my mom offering to throw a shower in a different state, because she won't come here "twice in a year." Since I might be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy or modified bed rest, it's highly unlikely my dr will let me travel out of state.

If you're really concerned about the etiquette, then do what previous posters stated, "have a meet the baby" party. It's up to you.

Maybe that's why no one has stepped up to host one.

They know she's out of work, and probably moving.

Her point is that this is not your first baby.

ambrlynn8 · July 2012

Liz4444:
ambrlynn8:
BallSox:
ambrlynn8:

Personally, I'd say planning your own shower is your business. Some of us do not have family around to plan a shower, or friends who have the money to throw a shower. I have been asked by a few people when my shower is and if it's soon, and I have absolutely no one here to plan it, so I just respond, "I really am not sure I'm having a shower"." My aunt threw it last time, however, she isn't working right now, and might be moving, so I wouldn't think she would plan it this time. I don't even take notice as to who is planning a baby shower, and even with my aunt planning the baby shower last time, I still made and sent out the invitations.

The only option I've been presented is my mom offering to throw a shower in a different state, because she won't come here "twice in a year." Since I might be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy or modified bed rest, it's highly unlikely my dr will let me travel out of state.

If you're really concerned about the etiquette, then do what previous posters stated, "have a meet the baby" party. It's up to you.

Maybe that's why no one has stepped up to host one.

They know she's out of work, and probably moving.

Her point is that this is not your first baby.

I gave away all of my baby things to the less fortunate. We are buying one big thing a month. Though, being on Short Term Disability on bedrest for the possibility of preterm labor at 18 weeks is making that a little more difficult.

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