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May 2012 Moms
PotomacSt
member
Anyone else dealing with breastfeeding haters?
PotomacSt
member
Sorry if this is long. I just need to get it off my chest 
It seems that my MIL hates that I breastfeed my daughter. Among other things, she's very insecure and overly sensitive about a lot of things. My husband and his sister are both adopted,so obviously she never had the choice to breastfeed. She's super-sensitive about the adoption topic and no one in their family ever talks about it, so I've been very careful not to say a word about how good/bad/beautiful/hard pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are because I'm sure I would inadvertently offend her or hurt her feelings.
She did the usual "How are any of us going to bond with the baby if we can't feed her?" routine before LO was born. I know a lot of families who haven't had experience with BFing think that, so I let that roll off me. Then after LO was born, she started getting annoyed when I'd excuse myself to the other room to feed LO, or delay handing over my screaming LO when I would say over and over. "She's hungry, time for me to feed her". That's when I started to get pissed off...
Friday she asked me why I don't give more bottles to "make it easier on myself". I tried to give her a simple explanation that it's actually 3x as much work to pump, store milk, wash pump parts and bottles, and then give the bottle. I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a crap about the finer points of nipple preference, keeping up my supply, engorgement, etc etc, so I just left it at that.
Last night my husband was telling MIL about us getting stuck in traffic the week before because people were stopping to watch fireworks. He was really annoyed by it and he embellishes and makes it sound like LO was screaming and hungry in the back seat. I don't remember it being a big deal and I'm sure she'd eaten less than 2 hours before, but whatever, it was his story.
Anyway, MIL heard that and snapped and said, "And THAT'S why you need to be bringing a bottle with you everywhere!" and proceeded to go on about how it is irresponsible to go out unprepared with a baby and leave her hungry.
DH and I were speechless. I wanted to cry. He's pretty much learned to let her comments roll off of him, so he let it go, but I'm angry and so sick of her. I told DH that I think now I'm motivated to I'll breastfeed till she's 2 just to annoy MIL...
Anyone else have to deal with people like this?
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Re: Anyone else dealing with breastfeeding haters?
I get the opposite because I didnt BF. I get a lot of greif over it. Our first pedi visit I actually got a lecture from the nurse about the benefits. I simply said its a personal preference and I have personal reasons for not doing so.
I do somewhat agree with her that you should pump. Maybe not to benefit her but to store your milk so that if something happens you have it. I was really sick when LO was 3 weeks old and couldn't go near him. It was great knowing he was well taken care of. My friend pumps for the simple reason that she can get sleep and her DH can help with feeding.
You should totally do this. Good for baby, good for pissing off MIL; I call that Win-Win!
I used my annoyance at a particularly nasty woman who sneered and ridiculed my desire for a natural childbirth as motivation to make it through the toughest moments of transition.
Wow... Your MIL is ridiculous! I can't imagine anyone complaining about the fact that you breastfeed, since it is the best thing you can do for your LO.... Wow. I know that in my moms time, they encouraged her to bottle feed. Maybe your MIL isnt educated on the benefits.
If it helps your confidence, I'm jealous that you are able to breastfeed! You go girl! (I have to pump AND supplement).
BFP#1 EDD 11/8/11 - MC @ 9w6d, 4/15/11 we said goodbye
BFP#2 DD arrived 5/7/12
I just wanted to add that if you are breastfeeding, it's actually recommended that you nurse the baby while you are sick--the baby will get immunities to your illness through your breast milk and will be much less likely to catch anything from you. My pedi told me that if I come down with anything I should nurse as much as possible. I do also pump so I can leave the baby with my husband at times, but I've found I can't do this too much or my supply decreases.
I don't think there is anything you can say to change her attitude about it. I have alot of breastfeeding support and while my MIL doesn't tell me not to bf, she makes lots of comments. I honestly think anyone who hasn't breastfed/had trouble/ couldn't just doesn't understand or trust the process.
When my son had gas, MIL said it was my milk. When he is fussy, I don't have milk (I let her know that I checked and squirted him in the face lol). She suggested I give pumped bottles because I don't know how much he is getting (what does it matter if he is otherwise happy and making plenty of dirty diapers??).
Last week she commented on how nicely he has filled out ad how much he grew. Later that afternoon when he was very fussy during/after a feeding, she suggested I didn't have milk.
The driving/traffic example doesn't make much sense because if you had a cold bottle of formula, you would probably be in the same situation. I accidentally told my mil i was having trouble getting a freezer stash. Not feeding him but pumping extra. Of course to her this = i don't have milk.
just ignore it.
I was going to say the same thing. Also, by the time you have symptoms of an illness, your baby's already been exposed.
I EP, and for the most part, there is support. But undoubtedly there are a lot of people who don't understand EP'ing. Few people understand how hard it is, and how difficult it was to be on my own with DD while needing to pump, and most people don't understand why I continue EP'ing when it is such hard work and I have no moral objection to formula.
My SIL asked when we were visiting last week how much formula she was taking now, and when I told her that Viv is on breastmilk, she seemed to get a bit defensive. She said she'd tried to pump when she went back to work but it didn't work out for her. It was a weird mix of apology and defensiveness and I felt like I needed to apologize for EP'ing. And of course, I don't know how it will work when I go back - it may or may not go well . . . we'll see.
And the other side are the people who don't understand what I mean when I say DD refused to latch and think that if I'd tried harder, I could feed at the breast with no problem. Granted, after we established that pumping would work, I didn't try much - but the anxiety attending it was too much for me to deal with. And DD only latched a few more times when we did try - 80% of the time was a red-faced scream fest.
I sort of think it's hard to win this one. . .
Gabriel Ross - August 24, 2009 * Vivienne Rose - May 1, 2012
My Blog
THIS!! My MIL doesn't live in the country but my DH comes from a large family and he is the youngest so EVERYONE has an opinion. Most of my SILs did not BF. If LO is fussy it's bc i supposedly don't have enough milk. In the beginning, I started to doubt myself and my milk supply. But when I look at cute chubby cheeks and rolls and think of all the wet diapers I changed, there is no way that my child could be starving!
Hang in there and (I agree) ignore them.
I EP as well and could have written all of this. I also feel judged because when I pull out a bottle, people automatically assume its formula. Not that formula is bad, but people judge no matter what you do or don't do. It might be time for your DH to firmly tell his mom that you've made the decision on how to feed your child and there will be no more discussion or arguments about it.
4/25/12 ~ Our angel, Persephone James, is here!
Personally, I think your husband needs to have a talk with his mom and tell her that, basically, it is none of her business. You are doing what is right for your baby and your family.
I don't know your MIL like you do so I don't know if this is the only issue you have ever had with her, but if she can say all these things to you and not be told anything, then as soon as you are done BFing, it will just be something else. Any time you and your husband make a decision for your child she disagrees with, she will feel free to openly tell you how she feels about it. I honestly think you and your husband need to let her know this now or you will always be dealing with this issue in some way, shape, or form.