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need help please..
Im currently 28 weeks pregnant, and the father is no longer in the picture. He left me a month ago and since then hasnt spoken a word to me and refuses to acknowledge that he has a daughter on the way. I know guarenteed the child is his. I am 18 years old, with no vehicle, no job, and i dont know what to do. I have a mom who is helping to support me throughout everything but its rough sometimes. i love my daughter more than anything already and i will never give her up for adoption just as my choice. what do i do about the father though? i know that when the child is born i can court order a dna test to prove its his and get child support but he doesnt make much at his job and hes already paying child support on another kid and he barely makes payments on that kid. i have a guarenteed job after i have the kid and the six weeks after she is born. i am trying to do my best and im taking online college courses right now too. am i doing the right thing? And the stress of not having the father around is horrible. he left me saying that i couldnt make him happy. and just left without even blinking an eye and doesnt even care the slightest about his unborn child. 
its really hard to deal with because i still love him even though hes put me through so much. I dont know how to get over him. and i dont know if i should date while im expecting... it just feels wrong to me.. 
is that normal?
its really hard to deal with because i still love him even though hes put me through so much. I dont know how to get over him. and i dont know if i should date while im expecting... it just feels wrong to me.. is that normal?Heather Renee
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Re: need help please..
Sweetie you need to concentrate on your daughter, your pregnancy, and forget about him. He is a waste of your energy! There are a lot of better men out there that want kids and want to be Fathers! My DD calls my fiance daddy since her bio-dad is no longer in the picture. If I were you, I would not date and concentrate on DD and your health. Try contacting your local WIC office too.
https://www.americanpregnancy.org/planningandpreparing/wic.html
You may see if your parents can add you to their insurance, or find a full-time job that offers insurance too. You need to be doing something that distracts you from thinking about this guy!
Good luck and I wish nothing but the best for you!
It sounds like you are doing the right thing. It is great that you have such a strong support system. Are you still on your parents' insurance? If yes, at your age, you can add your DD too. Do your best to finish school so that you can get a decent job and support your DD.
As with BD, it seems like you have 3 options:
1) Ask him to sign over his rights. Have a lawyer draft something up and submit it to the court.
2) File for a DNA test after DD is born and start collecting CS. If he has a job, the CSEA should take it out of his paychecks automatically. If you go this route, know that he has visitation rights and very well may take them, in which case a CO will be put in place and you will need a good lawyer.
3) I wouldn't recommend this - Do nothing. Don't talk to him, don't contact him, even change your number. However, he can pop up later down the road randomly (maybe when he gets a new GF who is all gung-ho for him becoming a great father to his two kids & encourages him to file for visitation rights, etc.) and file for visitation, which would be a major upheaval to all involved.
If you say he has a kid he's already not involved with, I would recommend option 1. Approach it with "If you sign over your rights you will never have to pay CS on DD." This way, when, later down the road (don't rush this, pleas!) you meet the right guy and marry him, he can adopt DD.
GL!
Twister, please stop telling everyone that they can have a lawyer write up papers for a father to sign that terminates rights to a biological child. THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN IN ANY STATE!
In order for a parent to have their rights volentarily terminated there must already be an adult ready to adopt and assume parental rights.
CS should not be a bargining tool. It is a right of the child that's why it's child support. If it was this easy, My ex and a lot of other DBfathers would be banging down the courts to sign away their rights in order to get out of paying CS. THIS DOESN"T HAPPEN and it's not easy.
CS=/=visitation these are mutually exclusive. Just because you are ordered CS doesn't give you automatic rights to visitation or custody. These are separate courts usually with separate judges. And no state is pay to play, you can be in $100K arrears of paying CS and still be allowed to have your visitation/custody rights of the child.
Twister you are giving out bad information to an international board and to mostly very naive pregnant scared girls barely the age of majority.
Please stop.
Agree with Sweetie. Why would you encourage someone to allow the father to get off the hook with providing and supporting for their own child. Besides the fact that you CANNOT just "sign away your child".
OP For now stay healthy keep doing what your doing. When your child is born get thatt DNA test and file for support. Your ex will have to file for visitation on his own. CS does not equal custody. If years down the road you meet a man that wnats to marry you and adopt your child then THAT is when your ex is able to sign away his rights. ( or if you were giving the child up for adoption you would both sign away your rights)
Goodluck to you!
My first time being flamed! Well, I speak from experience as I have THREE friends who have had the father sign over rights WITHOUT an adoptive parent ready. Two friends were in one state, the other friend was in another. So, there ARE at least two states that will do this.
Also, opening up CS usually opens up visitation. Sometimes, you will file for CS and other parent will not file for visitation, but that's rare. Usually, when you open one can of worms, you open the other. Again, that has been my experience. And, I personally know way too many single moms/blended families.
Whenever possible, I think a LO should have a healthy relationship with BOTH parents. But, if a BD absolutely does not want to be involved, why would you try to force it? Yes, it will suck for the LO later in life, but, sometimes, that IS the best option.
I probably shouldn't be giving the "have the father sign over his rights" advice since that's what happens in the minority, not the majority.
Also, "please stop telling everyone?" I have told this OP, & I told Justtee this
"Wow, sounds like you got yourself into a huge mess!
My advice: When LO is born, file for a DNA test & CS. After he is served, if he DOESN'T want to be involved in the LO's life, offer him this "If you sign over your rights, you will never pay a dime of CS." But, it sounds like he wants to be involved? In which case, he would likely be awarded summer visitation, and you two will likely rotate Spring break and Christmas break every other year, with maybe a few other holidays. Likely, you two will have to split the travel costs. Know this, if he wants to be involved, he will be. You procreated with this guy, loser or not. Your LO is half of him, and whether you like it or not, they will likely want to know their BD."
I shouldn't have even mentioned terminating rights with Justtee since BD wants to be involved, but with this OP, it sounds like BD wants NOTHING to do with DD.
Hi miss hdubbs93, I'm in the same situation as you are and I've also been trying to gather advice. I'm 27 weeks pregnant. BD and I still communicate on rare occasions, but never about the pregnacy or anything deep because it always turns into a huge fight.
I joined a single parent's group at my church- I WOULD DO THIS IF I WERE YOU!!! (Or just find a single parent's group SOMEWHERE)... They are happy to tell me their stories and experiences and I can ask all the questions I need. I'm 25, so its a LITTLE easier for me to fit in with the ladies, but you will show a lot of maturity and courage if you take it upon yourself to find a group now and get involved - it has helped me so much, and the support is unmatchable.
My situation is a little different because I have a good job and benefits (military) which has helped a lot. It wont be easy for me, but I believe I can support the baby without the father at all. I doubt he will be at the delivery, so I'm leaning towards not puting his name on the birth certificate. I wont get child support, and he will be off the hook, but I dont have to deal with any of the legal issues. There was one single lady at the church who said she raised her two boys completely alone for 5 years, then out of no where dad wants 50% custody. So he filed for it, AND GOT IT (because there is no abandoment law in our state). She said if she could have just left him out of it from the beginning, she would have due to all the problems and heartache the custody battle has caused. Also, now he brings other women around the children and drinks and doctors have to also ask him permission for medical issues, etc. She is miserable. There was one other lady who never held the dad accountable, she just let him go and he was gone. She completely supported and raised her 8-yr-old son herself, and she's happy with that decision.
Does anyone else have experience with this?? Advice for both of us???
- ak