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How to deal w/ new baby

KTdiditKTdidit member
in Blended Families

So my XH and his GF moved an hour and a half away, they live with her dad and her 3 kids. They are expecting a baby, I'm not sure exactly when but since I believe he told me before Christmas it should be sometime soon. XH barely sees DS as it is, he gets DS once a month from Wed-Sun, but not consistently. He sold their only car for a down payment on their own apt (which they still don't have), and I am not comfortable with DS being over an hour away with no reliable transportation, so XH has not seen DS for 2 months now. I just have a feeling as soon as the new baby comes he will put DS off even more. I can already hear the excuses...5 kids is too much to handle, we don't have the $$ for gas to come get him, I'm too tired from the baby crying all night, etc. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? I'm not sure how DS will handle a baby step-sibling or even if he will realize he has one. I'm just trying to prepare beforehand. TIA

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Re: How to deal w/ new baby

  • RhennaRhenna

    Has your ex really been putting off visitations with his son or are you getting in the way of that?  The way you wrote the situation it sounded like you told your ex he couldn't have his visitation because he doesn't have a car.  If they are living with his GF's dad I'm making the assumption that your ex would have borrowed his car in an emergency and/or to pick up your son.  In which case I think you have no right to not let your son have his visitation with his dad.

    If he is just making excuses to not see his son then there really is nothing you can do about that.  All you can do is just let him drift off out of your life and try to make things as normal as possible for your son and possibly counseling if he has issues from not seeing his dad.  But you can't force someone to be a parent.

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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    Is there a CO in place? if so, then as much as you dislike having your DS an hour away, there is nothing you can do about it, and you should not be interfering in your sons relationship with his dad. 

    if dad is the one blowing off visitation, then it works in your favor.  Just be a positive role model for your DS, don't talk badly about his father in front of him, but no need to sugar coat that daddy was "too busy" this weekend. 

    any preparation that needs to be done in regards to the baby is on the dad and the new girlfriend.  again, just be supportive and loving and attempt to encourage the relationship. and christmas is still a LONG time away. 

    would it make you feel better if you met all the adults involved? (GF, GF's Dad, kids etc) and knew the location of the house for an emergency?

                           
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  • hterry85hterry85 member
    Everything PPs said...and it will be your DSs half sibiling, not step sibling
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  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    yes, sorry it would be his half-sibling. And he told me they were expecting before this PAST christmas. The only CO we have in place was when we first got divorced and it only says "regular and frequent visitation" so no set schedule. Most of the time XH is the one that cancels his visitation. This past month when he told me they have no car is the only time I've told him no he coudln't take him down there. XH's parents live up here and I've told him multiple times I have no problem if he wants to come up here anytime and spend time with DS. I don't keep him from seeing DS, I know how important it is for them to have a relationship. And the car they had and sold was the only car for the whole household. I've met and hung out with the GF before they even got together, she was dating a friend of ours before, and I've seen how she "takes care" of her own kids. Which gives me no confidence that DS is properly supervised when he is down there. But I know that I can't control what happens at their house.
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