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SD moved in

FriskyPandaFriskyPanda
in Blended Families

SD moved in a few days ago.  Things are going well so far.  I'm just overwhelmed with the financial aspect of it.  BM set the stage with SD to pay for alot of extracurriculars that she really couldn't afford.  So we went from a fairly well controlled budget to at least and extra 500 in extra expenses in the short term, and an additional 400 a month.

I believe she should be paying for 100 a month of her extracurriculars.  She's a senior so she can get a job.  The job she has during the school year doesn't pay that much.  I think she may get 50 a month-maybe.   I'm frustrated because if we had had her up until his point, we would have done thing differently.  Since we are getting her with one year to go...like I said, the stage has already been set by BM.  

Im encouraging DH to make her pay some of this.  I don't know what is going to come of it.   I'm willing to enroll her in drivers Ed, support her in getting her license, even hhelping her get a car or giving her mine, but if she doesn't have a job to bring in some money and be responsible for herself then im not going to bend over backwards.

Sorry, this is mostly a vent.  I've been dealing with all these thoughts over and over all weekend.  It's stressful, and I just wish things would be exactly how I want it ;) 

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Re: SD moved in

  • FriskyPandaFriskyPanda
    I should add that my idea of SD paying for some of her own extra stuff isn't because she's with us now (thus making it our responsibility.  I've been saying this to DH for at least a year.  How is a kid supposed to learn responsibility if everything is handed to her?  Ugh...i know this will all work out, it's just going to be a rough year.
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  • AmberMH08AmberMH08
    I had to work 6months pay my own driving school tuition and always pay insurance and everything on my car.  I was bought a very old sturdy didn't matter if it got beat up SUV.  I always bought my own extras. That being said I have never had to ask anyone for money even when my husband was laid off and unemployed for 2yrs. In my eyes it is a must that children pay for some of the things they want in life or they will never learn how. When my SD gets to that age she will either work or not get a car from us. 
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  • IlumineIlumine member

    Different house = different rules.

    Just because one parent created a precedent does not mean that said precedent has to be enforced in your house. 

    Real life doesnt work that way...just because you could have tons of extras with one job doesnt mean you get the same extras at another one.  Once she is a grown-up and had a financial crisis (say losing a job) she would have to make sacrifices. 

    This is a great learning experience.

    YOU have to enforce that with your DH though. 

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  • FriskyPandaFriskyPanda

    I agree with you guys, but DH seems more willing to let things stay the same than rock the boat.  I think my best shot at forcing some sort of responsibility is with a drivers license and insurance as this is something that wasn't set up at her moms house.  

    We aren't approaching the driving subject with her until she is here for at least a month.  If she considers going back to her moms, we don't want the driving thing to be a factor in her decision.  

     

     

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  • nallslnallsl

    Just out of curiousity, what is SD's reason for moving in now that she's a senior? Is it for a valid reason or is she fighting with mom more? When my SD was thinking about moving, we told her it would be permanent and our rules would apply. She would not be allowed to flip flop back and forth because she was upset with one or the other. As for extra curriculars, we talk with his ex and split the cost 50/50...even though she could afford it and so much more with the money we paying in child support. Talk it over with DH. As a senior, she really needs to have the opprotunity to be responsible so that it doesn't hit her hard when she's out in the real world.

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  • FriskyPandaFriskyPanda
    imagenallsl:

    Just out of curiousity, what is SD's reason for moving in now that she's a senior? Is it for a valid reason or is she fighting with mom more? When my SD was thinking about moving, we told her it would be permanent and our rules would apply. She would not be allowed to flip flop back and forth because she was upset with one or the other. As for extra curriculars, we talk with his ex and split the cost 50/50...even though she could afford it and so much more with the money we paying in child support. Talk it over with DH. As a senior, she really needs to have the opprotunity to be responsible so that it doesn't hit her hard when she's out in the real world.

    There wasn't any fight or blow up.  Apparently she's been thinking about this for a while.  She's told us she feels more comfortable here than at her moms because the house is more home (DH got the house in the divorce).  So far, she's been great, but we are still in the honeymoon phase.  

    DH seems to be of the mind that we can pay her to do things around the house.  I agree to a point, but what it boils down to is that we'll still be paying for everything if that's how it's going to be.  We'll see what happens.  

    I'm also a little irritated with BM, but that's another story for another day. 

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