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September 2012 Moms
SpartyMom2B
member
Anyone else have ILs nearby that will not be babysitting your LO?
SpartyMom2B
member
If so, why not?
My MIL & FIL live about 2 miles away, but I really do not feel comfortable leaving my baby with them. I just really do not feel that it is a safe environment for a baby for a variety of reasons.
My MIL is handicapped and needs assistance with pretty much everything. My FIL is her caregiver and does everything she needs. I know if she needed something while they were babysitting, her needs would come first, so if my baby was crying he would be left to cry until her needs are met (a brief few minutes would be fine, but getting her to and from the bathroom is at least a 20 minute ordeal). Also, if MIL wanted to hold him, I know my FIL would hand him to her and if he were to wiggle away, she would drop him. Furthermore, and most importantly, my FIL drinks a lot and I don't want to leave my infant in the care of a person who may or may not be intoxicated at any given time.
~ Waiting for our Little Spartan~
Our Baby Boy is due September 8, 2012
Our Baby Boy is due September 8, 2012
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone else have ILs nearby that will not be babysitting your LO?
Mine won't be very often....MIL lives less than 5 miles away, but her husband (not DH's father...he passed away 10 years ago) really gets on her case if she watches our nephews because "it's not her job to raise her sons' kids". Mind you he works and she does not, so it's not like he is even there most of the time when the boys are and it's not like they ask her very often (MAYBE once a month). We are going to try to keep our requests to a minimum because we don't want her to have to get grief from her husband...
I think those are very legitimate reasons not to allow your ILs to watch them. My ILs do live nearby, but they will not be watching our little guy either. MIL did originally volunteer to watch him one day a week, but she is the type to hold ANY little thing she does for you over your head, so I'd really rather not have that. Plus, we're not on the best terms now as it is, so it's probably irrelevant.
My mom, on the other hand, has volunteered to watch him 2 days a week. She lives 1 1/2-2 hours away and wants to stay the night one day/week so she can watch him two days. Not sure if we're taking her up on it, but it is a very generous offer.
My whole family lives close to me, and most of my inlaws as well. We will not be using any of them for childcare. Sure, here and there if we want to go out for dinner, but by and large, I don't want to depend on our families for childcare...I have too many friends who have children and won't or don't hire a babysitter because they're cheap and just expect their families to watch their kids. It was something my DH and I said we really don't want to ever get in the habit of doing.
Nancy James 9.1.12
Calvin Donald 8.27.14
I don't even want my IL's around my children when I'm around!
First of all...when DD was 7 months old, we were invited out the their creek house with DH's step-sister and her family. While we were there, DH's step-mom made my nephew get into a kayak and pushed him out into the middle of the water where he couldn't reach (and he's not the greatest swimmer). He was crying, "I don't want to do this," "I don't like kayaking?" and she would not let him stop. She said to him, "Are you a big boy? Big boys Kayak." and "What do you like to do?" (response, "I like dancing.") "Well this is just like dancing, only for big boys." My nephew was 7 at the time and DH's step-sister just sat there and watched it all happen. He was out there for about 1/2 an hour crying before he finally paddled himself back to shore and ran inside crying some more.
Also, on this trip, DH's step-mom was holding DD. She was doing some "horse riding" thing with her on her knee. I was cool with the walk, and even the trot, but she started to "Canter" and DD's head was going crazy. I asked her to do canter with DD, but the trot and walk were fine and she said, "She's fine. You need to get over it." I snapped back then took DD and didn't let her touch her the rest of the weekend. It also helped that after that, DD started to cry whenever she came near her.
Those are just the big reasons...There are plenty of other reasons why neither DH nor I will ever let his family (at least not the local family) be anywhere near our children unless we are around to supervise.
Oh, thank you! It makes me feel better to know I'm not over thinking or being a paranoid FTM. I know what you mean about things being held over your head. Sometimes a "favor" feels more like an IOU and is just not worth it.
Our Baby Boy is due September 8, 2012
Same. My ILs are about 5 hrs away, so I actually think we're going to get more grief for not seeing them enough, especially since this is grandbaby #1 for them. If we lived closer, I know they would never see watching LO as a chore (especially because we wouldn't take advantage of them, either)! I'm pretty sure they'll do some things with Baby that will bother me, but nothing actually dangerous that I shouldn't just get over.
ETA: Sparty (and some of the other PPs)--sounds like you guys have some legitimate reasons to not want to leave your babies with your parents/ILs!.
My own mom lives 1.2 miles away and she won't be babysitting for a variety of reasons.
Kid #1 - 09/03/12
Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
#11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
I'd leave LO with ILs any day of the week...it's my own parents I worry about. They smoke in the house, and while I may have grown up in it, I dont want a smokey baby. I feel bad for the kids at my school who reek of smoke. I think it should be against the law to smoke indoors or in a car with kids. If you want to smoke, take it outside.
Also my dad drinks and turns into an ahole...my 2 year old will not know what a drunk person is. I think I'll ask my mom to come to our house to babysit.
All the reasons listed sound totally legitimate. Usually there are weird reasons listed that I roll my eyes at.
My parents and siblings live within 5 min of us and watch DD regularly. We've only had to hire a babysitter once or twice, but I do highly recommend having someone you trust that you can call in an emergency or when that family wedding comes up and your LO isn't invited.
My MIL will be watching the baby on Fridays, as she is easing into retirement and has Fridays off each week.. However our baby will not be left alone with FIL and we expect MIL to not allow FIL to have our baby unsupervised while our baby is in her care. FIL (actually DH's Stepfather) is a lot older, and we do not agree with his parenting style at all. We have left our dog in their care, and while MIL is amazing, FIL is neglective, forgetful, and easily confused etc. We won't be letting FIL drive our baby around either as he has hit quite a few deer and backed into 2 parked cars in the last year.
My Mom and siblings will probably watch the baby a lot, as they are already jockying for who gets to watch him/her first.
IL's live about 3 hours away, and I don't even like when we see them on weekends. My FIL is fine in the way that he gets down on the floor and plays with DD, but MIL won't even really acknowledge DD unless she is 100% on her own with her without anyone around. Adding to that both IL's have rolled their eyes at us when it comes to our parenting choices, like what time DD goes to bed and that meal times aren't play time (DD is underweight).
The final straw is that we've seen MIL take an Adavan (sp?) and then drink a glass of wine. I'm just not ok with that. She also makes up things that were never said or happened, so DH and I have agreed that there will be no substantial babysitting or overnight visits or anything till DD can articulate to us what went on while we were gone.
we live smack in the middle between BOTH sets of parents at the moment. ILs are about 15 minutes away one direction, and my parents are about 8 minutes away the other direction.
however, we might be moving shortly after LO is born to the same town as my ILs. still a bit away from them, since they live in the country and we would be living in town, but they would be closer. my only concern about leaving LO with my MIL is that they already watch a nine month old every weekday, and i think that with already having her eleven children (nine that live at home still and two under the age of ten) that this might just about be more than she needs.
however, i would certainly let my teenage SILs babysit for a night if we went to a movie or something. they are some of the most responsible girls i have ever met, and the three of them work together when they babysit. for shorter events, i would leave LO with them any day of the week.
After reading this, I'm grateful that I can leave my child in the care of my IL's. My FIL wouldn't do it on his own, but that's just because he doesn't feel comfortable with it. My MIL will baby sit occasionally, but I wouldn't expect it often.
My SIL always phones me to babysit her 3 girls who I adore, but sometimes it can be a bit much and she can get a bit offended if I say no. I have learnt to say no more often now! But she is also one of those people who refeuses to pay a babysitter so just assumes family will help out 100% of the time! She says she will babysit our LO when the time comes, but I can pretty much guarantee she won't. She has 3 kids under the age of 5, I doubt she would want one more!
We're already being pressured into letting all my in laws watch the baby. For the most part I'm okay with most of them, but his grandma will NOT be watching her alone. She called DH Saturday and told him the exact same story twice in a row, and then followed up with "I can't wait to babysit!" Yeah, no.....and she's been falling a lot lately by herself and running into sh!t when she parks her car in the garage. She is legit losing it, but DH and I have decided we're not telling any of his family we don't want her watching LO. They would all run back to her and she is not accepting that she's losing it, so her feelings would be hurt and we'd have to listen to her blah blah blah...so we've decided we're just going to try to run our schedules like we wouldn't have a babysitter.
I have a friend like this. She was complaining that her mom who lives 2 1/2 hrs away doesn't come often enough to help with her 2 LO's. She thinks since her mom doesn't work that she doesn't have anything to do except run down & watch her kids. She thought it was crazy that I would even think about leaving DD with someone that wasn't family.
The only IL that will babysit our child is my own mother. I will not allow my dad to babysit because he has a mouth like a sailor and has very little patience. My FIL and his gf both smoke like a chimney and I don't want to leave my child alone in that environment. My MIL will never see my child much less babysit. She had ruined every opportunity with our family due to certain issues in DH's family.