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Late Term and Child Loss
Roxycc55
member
She really thought she was being helpful
Roxycc55
member
Last night I was with friends and met someone who had known everyone else but never met me. The baby came up. She has a three month old baby, which was hard for me not to resent her for. Then she said these three lines: it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't the right time, you weren't ready. It was the last line that got me. I know I am 22 and my FI is 25 , and it was unplanned. But we were ready and would have been exceptional loving parents. I have a professional job that would have allowed us to be financially ready. The kicker for me was that this girl was 23 with a lower paying job that makes it hard for her to support the baby and the father of the child walked out on her. Not that this baby didn't deserve to be born in any way, but if someone wasn't ready who would it be? Just really? Ugh sorry just had to vent cuz it really pissed me off and I didnt say it to her because she was trying to be helpful. Boo.
"As long as I live you will live. As long as I live you will be loved."
BFP#1 3/31/12 EDD 12/1/12,No HB 6/6/12 (14 weeks 4 days), D&C 6/11/12 (15 weeks 2 days)*Arabella Ann*
BFP#2 5/21/14 EDD 1/27/15 *GROW BABY GROW*
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Re: She really thought she was being helpful
People just do not know what to say when it comes to comforting a grieving mother. And because of that they let themselves ramble stupid things that just hurt.
I am sorry she said those things to you, I am certain that you are and were ready for your LO and I know you would are an amazing parent.
You handled yourself well, be proud that you were the bigger person and that you didn't try and say something hurtful back. You are a phenominal woman and mother. Be proud of you actions and reactions.
My precious angel Ryan Caleb passed away to his heavenly home a few short hours after birth due to hydrops 7.5.2012 @ 30 weeks.
"As long as I live you will live. As long as I live you will be loved."
BFP#1 3/31/12 EDD 12/1/12,No HB 6/6/12 (14 weeks 4 days), D&C 6/11/12 (15 weeks 2 days)*Arabella Ann*
BFP#2 5/21/14 EDD 1/27/15 *GROW BABY GROW*
I agree, especially with the bolded. You wouldn't believe how much 'advice' I've gotten about Ethan from the 'Oopsie, this wasn't planned!' parents on my grief. Sometimes, it's better to dust your shoulders off and keep it moving.
This! Sometimes I wish I was more short-tempered so I would go off on people. I had a friend tell me "Everything happens for a reason; maybe it's better that it happened now instead of later." about a week after our loss.
At the time I just ignored the comment but I'm STILL pissed about it. In the future I've decided that when someone says something hurtful I have to say something about it. I don't have to be a b*tch about it, but I do need to try and point it out. It just isn't worth the agony I go through reliving their comment for the next X months.