DH over-involved? (mini-vent)

rinascita · July 2012

Every day it seems like my DH is asking me if I took all of my vitamins, if I took my Zofran, and what I've eaten for the day.

Let me say, I'm not upset for having my DH care and be involved in the process, but he gets so upset that I'm not 'weaning' myself off of the Zofran and if I'm eating things that aren't the best. I do eat fruits/veggies but just not like I used to.

I'm so tired of defending myself, and sounding like a broken record repeating what my RE told me - 1st tri is all about getting calories in and getting your vitamins down. They told me 2nd and 3rd tri is where I really need to focus on eating well but 1st tri with m/s it is just more important to eat.

I have told him repeatedly how it makes me feel like a bad mother, and I'm doing my best with how horrible I feel. He always ends up apologizing (eventually), but I feel like we have to go through this constantly and I don't know a different way to get it through his head!

Anyone else dealing with this?

jterpbride · July 2012

Only about caffeine for some reason. Today I explained to DH for the fourth time that it was okay for me to have a cup of coffee a day. I don't have one every day, but now and then. He always questions me about it. I finally told him "Just read the packet from the OB or google it -- I can have 200mg per day." and he shut up.

So you could show him your evidence on google, or if he goes to OB appts. with you have your doctor explain it him. And tell him his nagging stresses you out and that's the worst for the baby!

this decaf life · July 2012

Just wanted to say sorry! I think husband's feel so helpless because all of the weight is [literally & figuratively] put on us. Hopefully [soon] he realizes that neither one of you can control everything and as long as you do your best LO will be happy & healthy!

bearkatjen · July 2012

My DH sometimes oversteps where food and health are concerned, and I tell him to back off and let me be. It's not gentle or sweet, but it's to the point and it works.

DH suffered some sympathetic headaches and morning sickness earlier in this pregnancy, so he hasn't been too bad. I think he has a better understanding of what I'm dealing with.

stardust317 · July 2012

I usually tell my DH to shove his comments until he's carrying the baby.

JennV514 · July 2012

That's annoying. It would really bother me if my husband was asking me to list for him what I've been eating.

MrsRiceARoni · July 2012

I'm sorry his comments are making you feel this way. My husband was like this a lot, especially when my m/s was very bad and I was hardly eating. I think at least in our case (and possibly yours too), mh is just being protective of me and our lo. There isn't really much he can do to try to ensure the health of lo so he's doing what he can to try and "help". It can get a bit wearing at times, especially when I was struggling to keep what little food I was having down but I know he did it because he loves us. Hopefully you'll be feeling well and be able to eat normal again, and your husband can relax a bit.

adreajoy713 · July 2012

My husband gets super anxious about what I do. Mostly he tells me what I shouldn't be eating/doing....so I made the agreement with him that whatever he asks me to give up he has to give up too and then well confirm the risk with the doctor at our next appointment.

Ive gotten to the point that I can just laugh at it because as annoying as it is, I love that he's looking out for the baby!

sbevmc09 · July 2012

I've never had to deal with that, but I'm sorry that you are. It would definitely be frustrating! Maybe it's time to have a serious conversation with your H about how it makes you feel. I'm sure he doesn't realize that it makes you feel so bad. Maybe between the two of you, you can come up with a way for him to ask questions without it being in an accusatory way (which is kind of how it sounds right now). For example, "I know you're feeling so badly right now, what does the doctor say about the kind of foods you should be eating", or something like that. IMO it's fine that he's interested, but it's not at all fair that he's going about it in a way that's making you feel badly.

st.augbride · July 2012

No, dh doesn't do that at all. He knows better, lol! Seriously though, it sounds like you should sit down and have a talk with him. While my dh doesn't do that, I also don't think he understands fully how sick and tired I always feel. It's hard for them to get how everything affects us, but it's worth trying to explain how you're feeling.

qteepie42899 · July 2012

My DH isn't quite like that. But a lot of ppl...mostly our family....thinks he/we are NUTS because he likes to go to EVERY ob appt I have. I like that he is involved and wants to know what is going on and heart that lub lub lub. I am very thankful that my ob has evening hours once a week so that we can continue this "tradition" we have. Good luck! I would just let him know that you are doing your best and to trust you.

MSUMamaof2 · July 2012

I'm also not kind to comments like these. I appreciate his concern and the fact that this is also his baby, but since he's not doing the incubating, he can trust me to take care of that part.

You definitely walk a fine line between "STFU" and "I love your concern, honey." Good luck.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · July 2012

Nope, my DH trusts me to be the one to know what needs to be done for me and that I will promptly tell him to go f-himself if he tries. He would never.

I would like him to get more involved in other things and not have so much faith in me, but if he ever said anything about what I was eating or taking for meds that my Dr. had approved, it would never fly.

gplove94 · July 2012

Mine has been pretty annoying. I was having decaf iced coffees until he googled it and said there are too many chemicals. I sprayed bug spray on my arms, he freaked out. I feel like everything I do he has something to say about it. I still have to live ya know. Ugh.

LittleNugget2013 · July 2012

My fianc?e is like this too! He has made every single appointment and shows off all of the ultrasound pictures! He does get a little worried about what I am eating but understands that once I feel better I will eat better. He actually lost weight while I was feeling really sick because he was mostly eating what I eat!! Haha!

jdm7 · July 2012

My DH is over-involved in my pregnancies too, but I allow it at times because it's his way of trying to bond with what I'm going through. It's helpful to me when he reminds me to take my vitamins and baby aspirin every once in awhile. Plus, he'll help me when I get to feeling better to not eat crappy like I have been in 1st trimester. I have another 1-2 weeks before I start feeling truly better.

Let him help you, let him worry about you... and approach him in a way of "Hey, I know you're helping me, so I thought of some things you can help me with..." and kind of just say "I like the reminders of taking my vitamins. I'm not sure how to ween off Zofran, so if you could help me with that, I'd love it (even if you do know how, let him help)." Or other things you can think of.

Your husband can only do so much and they feel helpless when you're pregnant. You get to experience all these cool things they'll never have. You get to bond with a baby before its born. H's are watching it all from the outside.

mallorynoble · July 2012

I shoot DH a "you want to fight glance" when I want him to back off and then ask him "You got beef?" "You wanna go?"

He knows that his cue to stop or I am going to go pyscho preggo on his ass. He says pregnant me = a new jersey housewife!

Poor Poor Hubby.

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