It's been a really shïtty week

mommytosam011011 · July 2012

I'm so tired of fighting with with DS's dad. I'm gonna have to go next week to get custody. Can you get custody without having to do the whole child support thing? He sucks at life, but he doesn't have a job right now and his unemployment ran out and I don't want him to owe a bunch in back child support.

I just wish things would have home the way they were supposed to go. All he had to do was get help with his anger problems and fix the shot with his license so he could get a decent job. He didn't do either. And he's still a doucheturkey. It just pissed me off when i get on here and see all these supportive husbands/SO's and mine sucks d?ck. Ok vent/pity party over. If anyone has any spare prayers or good thoughts it would be much appreciated.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Why wouldn't you want child support? Even if he accrues a debt over it, he needs to pay that s'hit.

grr_aargh · July 2012

I'd consult an attorney. I'm not sure you can do a custody agreement without a child support agreement, but I'm not an attorney.

Also, if you receive any state aid, the state will require a child support agreement in place. I don't say that to be judgmental or anything - simply as a warning. I wouldn't want you to be blindsided.

mommytosam011011 · July 2012

sofamonkey:
Why wouldn't you want child support? Even if he accrues a debt over it, he needs to pay that s'hit.

He's been trying to get a job and has been doing side jobs. So when he has money he helps out and that's fine. It's not about the money.

mommytosam011011 · July 2012

cannonsmommy:
I'm so sorry ((hugs))
I'm actually going through the same sorta thing. My DH isn't a doucheturkey BUT we are separated...sorta. He now lives in his own apartment but we see each other every day. We are in counseling 3 times a week.
We actually just got back from a couples (no kids) weekend at the lake with other couples. It was so good for us.
I also might add that my DH has a drinking problem. Not to the extent of "Intervention" but he still needs help learning how to handle stress without drinking.
We wanted to save our marriage and we are working on doing that. So I hope you can find a way to do the same.

I wanted things to work out, but I don't even think I want that anymore. I just want to work out a schedule so my poor child isn't confused.

RosieBcheeks98 · July 2012

I'm sorry. I hope you have a better week and good luck.

earmuffs03 · July 2012

mommytosam011011:
cannonsmommy:
I'm so sorry ((hugs))
I'm actually going through the same sorta thing. My DH isn't a doucheturkey BUT we are separated...sorta. He now lives in his own apartment but we see each other every day. We are in counseling 3 times a week.
We actually just got back from a couples (no kids) weekend at the lake with other couples. It was so good for us.
I also might add that my DH has a drinking problem. Not to the extent of "Intervention" but he still needs help learning how to handle stress without drinking.
We wanted to save our marriage and we are working on doing that. So I hope you can find a way to do the same.
I wanted things to work out, but I don't even think I want that anymore. I just want to work out a schedule so my poor child isn't confused.

I'm sorry.

Maybe you can get a moderator? You can hash out the visitations without having to seek an attorney?

a2pfunk · July 2012

sofamonkey:
Why wouldn't you want child support? Even if he accrues a debt over it, he needs to pay that s'hit.

I in no way would want to try to defend dads that are deadbeats. But what I think e OP was maybe getting at is the idea that if baby daddy has no income but is ordered to pay support, al this will do is immediately put him in violation, lead to more court dates, warrants, arrests, fines, etc. all of these then make it harder for the guyot get a job and the situation can get out of control. A lot of courts have sort of "automatic" schedules of child support that they impose, regardless of baby daddy's actual ability to pay. All this does is create a lot of stress and hard feelings and generally trash any chance of e kid, mom, and dad having any type of positive relationship.

mommytosam011011 · July 2012

a2pfunk:
sofamonkey:
Why wouldn't you want child support? Even if he accrues a debt over it, he needs to pay that s'hit.
I in no way would want to try to defend dads that are deadbeats. But what I think e OP was maybe getting at is the idea that if baby daddy has no income but is ordered to pay support, al this will do is immediately put him in violation, lead to more court dates, warrants, arrests, fines, etc. all of these then make it harder for the guyot get a job and the situation can get out of control. A lot of courts have sort of "automatic" schedules of child support that they impose, regardless of baby daddy's actual ability to pay. All this does is create a lot of stress and hard feelings and generally trash any chance of e kid, mom, and dad having any type of positive relationship.

Yes this exactly. He's not a dead beat. He's just a f?cking idiot.

I need a d?mn beer.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

a2pfunk:
sofamonkey:
Why wouldn't you want child support? Even if he accrues a debt over it, he needs to pay that s'hit.
I in no way would want to try to defend dads that are deadbeats. But what I think e OP was maybe getting at is the idea that if baby daddy has no income but is ordered to pay support, al this will do is immediately put him in violation, lead to more court dates, warrants, arrests, fines, etc. all of these then make it harder for the guyot get a job and the situation can get out of control. A lot of courts have sort of "automatic" schedules of child support that they impose, regardless of baby daddy's actual ability to pay. All this does is create a lot of stress and hard feelings and generally trash any chance of e kid, mom, and dad having any type of positive relationship.

I get that, and it does seem like things are civil now. If it were me, I'd like to keep it that way too. Less stress is always better. It can sometimes be hard & expensive to re-establish support once you've declined it. I definitely don't mean take the bastard for everything. I suggest meeting with an attorney, like PPs have suggested. See if there is a way to leave the door open for later. That's all.

a2pfunk · July 2012

I am guessing that if he is not responsible enough to get/keep a license for his job he probably does not have a life insurance policy which names your kid as a beneficiary?

mommytosam011011 · July 2012

a2pfunk:
I am guessing that if he is not responsible enough to get/keep a license for his job he probably does not have a life insurance policy which names your kid as a beneficiary?

No but I don't either so I guess I'm irresponsible too.

a2pfunk · July 2012

mommytosam011011:
a2pfunk:
I am guessing that if he is not responsible enough to get/keep a license for his job he probably does not have a life insurance policy which names your kid as a beneficiary?
No but I don't either so I guess I'm irresponsible too.

Wll then don't hire somebody to kill him... Yet.

nanabanana06 · July 2012

I know how you feel. DDs bio dad is a pain in my rear. The only reason I receive any child support is because the navy forces him to pay. We don't do anything about custody. As much as he likes to threaten we both know he only shows interest in DD to have something to hang over my head or to please his mommy. It can be very stressful at times.

However, if he is unemployed and makes no money then you should have an easy time with custody. Typically they won't grant joint custody to someone who makes no income. At least from my experience. I wish you the best of luck. I hope court goes very smoothly.

marigolds · July 2012

What are you fighting over? Does he want custody? Does he want visitation? If you aren't seeking child support and he doesn't want primary custody, I would try to settle out of court.