Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

When to tell them...

peetie44peetie44
in Blended Families

So my H has a daughter that is 4. The relationship between us and her mom is horrible. They currently live overseas (military) and she doesn't know I'm pregnant again. We didn't tell her we were getting married until we were on our honeymoon, we didn't tell her (the mother) we had a baby until he was here. When should we tell her about this baby?

She is not someone I would even want to tell with but I feel like his daughter should know she has another sibling on the way.

Report Reply to Post

Re: When to tell them...

  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    When will you see his daughter to tell her?
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • peetie44peetie44
    She's overseas and will not be back in the States until next year. She would have to find out on Skype.
    Report Reply
  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
    does the mom monitor the skype/ phone calls? I would tell his daughter, and if BM overhears, then you can deal with her.  if she doesn't, leave it up to the daughter to tell her.  you don't have an obligation to tell the BM, just the SD. 
                           
                         View Full Size Image  View Full Size Image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • ShawnJulietShawnJuliet member

    I understand how relationships among exes can be horrible.  I never thought I'd be in a situation where there was a bad relationship between my ex and me.  Enter the latest girlfriend......it's been a miserable few years!  My thoughts and prayers are with you on this.

    As far as when to tell them about the pregnancy, it's hard to say.  I mean, the daughter is still very young.  And if her mother is going to make things more difficult (or you think she might) by knowing you are pregnant, I might just wait until you see them again.  It's really about the relationship between you guys and the mother.  The more strained it is, the more inclined I am to think it's best just to keep it to yourself for now.

    Good luck! 

    Jules
    Report Reply
  • IlumineIlumine member
    imagepeetie44:

    So my H has a daughter that is 4. The relationship between us and her mom is horrible. They currently live overseas (military) and she doesn't know I'm pregnant again. We didn't tell her we were getting married until we were on our honeymoon, we didn't tell her (the mother) we had a baby until he was here. When should we tell her about this baby?

    She is not someone I would even want to tell with but I feel like his daughter should know she has another sibling on the way.

    So let me get this straight?  You either did not tell your SD that you were married until after the wedding OR had her lie to her mother AND you either didnt tell your SD that she was about to get a brother/sister for 10 months OR you had her lie to her mother....

    And YOU are worried about HER reaction?  No wonder you have a horrible relationship.  No one is acting like a responsible adult.

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
    Report Reply
  • peetie44peetie44
    imageIlumine:
    imagepeetie44:

    So my H has a daughter that is 4. The relationship between us and her mom is horrible. They currently live overseas (military) and she doesn't know I'm pregnant again. We didn't tell her we were getting married until we were on our honeymoon, we didn't tell her (the mother) we had a baby until he was here. When should we tell her about this baby?

    She is not someone I would even want to tell with but I feel like his daughter should know she has another sibling on the way.

    So let me get this straight?  You either did not tell your SD that you were married until after the wedding OR had her lie to her mother AND you either didnt tell your SD that she was about to get a brother/sister for 10 months OR you had her lie to her mother....

    And YOU are worried about HER reaction?  No wonder you have a horrible relationship.  No one is acting like a responsible adult.

     

    When we got married SD was a baby. The relationship was already strained because she was upset that I was with him. We did not tell BM about the wedding because she wouldve popped up and ruined it (she's ruined other events in the past). I have tried to have many conversations with her to development some kind of relationship. She has gotten nasty everytime. If anybody is being responsible it's us.... If you don't know the whole story, dont judge or criticize.

    I simply asked a question and wanted a simple suggestion NOT criticism on a situation you know very little about.  

    Report Reply
  • IlumineIlumine member
    imagepeetie44:
    imageIlumine:
    imagepeetie44:

    So my H has a daughter that is 4. The relationship between us and her mom is horrible. They currently live overseas (military) and she doesn't know I'm pregnant again. We didn't tell her we were getting married until we were on our honeymoon, we didn't tell her (the mother) we had a baby until he was here. When should we tell her about this baby?

    She is not someone I would even want to tell with but I feel like his daughter should know she has another sibling on the way.

    So let me get this straight?  You either did not tell your SD that you were married until after the wedding OR had her lie to her mother AND you either didnt tell your SD that she was about to get a brother/sister for 10 months OR you had her lie to her mother....

    And YOU are worried about HER reaction?  No wonder you have a horrible relationship.  No one is acting like a responsible adult.

     

    When we got married SD was a baby. The relationship was already strained because she was upset that I was with him. We did not tell BM about the wedding because she wouldve popped up and ruined it (she's ruined other events in the past). I have tried to have many conversations with her to development some kind of relationship. She has gotten nasty everytime. If anybody is being responsible it's us.... If you don't know the whole story, dont judge or criticize.

    I simply asked a question and wanted a simple suggestion NOT criticism on a situation you know very little about.  

    Without a backstory, I have no way to "know" if I am assuming too much.  However, you still have not addressed the first child?  Did you tell your SD about your first son or did you wait till after he was born or did you ask her to lie to her mother?

    As for a when to tell the BM, you do it when you tell your SD. Not a hard concept.   

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"