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Blended Families
This is completely nuts, right?
SK's are with us for 2 weeks and their mom had her new baby last week. She did not call to let them know but their step-dad sent an email to let them know. The baby is now over a week old and the kids don't even know his name. SK's feel so left out and one even told me that their mom most likely wanted them out of the house so she could be with the baby and her other kid from current hubby without them and use me as a "free babysitter" for them. The same thing happened with her last baby, except that there was not even an email and she had her parents come get the kids for a week after they were with us.
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Re: This is completely nuts, right?
My mom sent me to stay with my cousins for two weeks when she had my brother. I had a ball! She didn't call or tell me, at least I don't remember who told me. My brother was 30 last week so I've had plenty of time to get to know him lol.
When I have bio's my SS will come for normal visitation BUT he will also go to his moms to give me time to sleep, recuperate, get used to the baby.
I will add thats they should have called, not emailed, I just don't think its nuts to send them to their dads house.
Can't you explain that to the kids. You and your DH's reaction / input will have a powerful impact on how they perceive this.
They sent a pic with the email. SK's can be very off about things at their mom's house - like we should not even ask. they've even said it's weird for us to take them to their sporting events because that's a "Mom's House" thing and it would be like if she showed up to our church or something - it's just weird.
I went for a walk with one of them which is when I was told about the email and that they thought mom was using me as a free babysitter. I just listened and made no comments either way - could not bring myself to make excuses for her - especially because she has managed to contact me to give me medical bills, but cannot find time to phone her kids about a baby? There are times when I know I need to absolutely zip it or nothing good is going to come out. This was one of those times.
When I was born, my older sisters were sent to my grandparents for a few weeks. We were all c-section babies, so my mom was in the hospital the first week after I was born. I'm sure my parents called with the news, but my sisters didn't meet me until I was almost 3 weeks old. Granted this was 30 years ago, so things might be a little different now as far as what's considered the "norm".
I don't think it's nuts that BM wanted the kids with you and your husband for 2 weeks when the baby was born. Newborns are hard. And if BM had a c-section, she's extra sore and needs more "down" time. Some people don't handle the first week or so postpartum very well, and maybe it's actually better for the kids to be away while things settle down at home. I'm sure they feel a bit left out, but they'd probably be grumpier at BM's with a newborn fussing and BM not having much time for them. I do think a phone call would have have better, but at least there was an email with a picture for the kiddos to see their new sibling.
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I know not everyone handles pain the same way but I had a cs with both of my kids. With my son I left the hospital a day early came home and started my "mom" duties to all four kids. I had no help and DH had to go back to work. I think it would be crazy for all the kids not to meet until 3 weeks. Now I don't think it was bad that she sent them to their dad's and I actually agree that it might be better for them if she needs the rest.
Like I said, it was 30 years ago when my sisters when to my grandparents for 3 weeks. Medical advances weren't nearly as great as they are now (back then they still cut you straight down your tummy so healing time was much different). I think 3 weeks now is excessive, because moms are usually released within a week of c-sections unless there were complications.
And you're absolutely right, different people handle healing differently. Thankfully I haven't had to have a c-section with my 2 kiddos, so I felt pretty good within a couple days. My friend had a c-section and was practically bed-ridden for the first couple weeks (she had major complications) whereas my other friend had a c-section and was moving around easily within a week. Even with this pregnancy I'm hoping to not need a c-section so that I can handle all 4 kiddos and have no one feel left out.
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I had a cs with DS and I had a horrible recovery. Was in the hospital for 6 days and couldn't freely walk around/get out of bed for 2 weeks.
I think it's questionable that this woman didn't call her kids or have them come visit at the hospital but to each their own. I don't think it's horrible exactly. SS is 7 and DS is 5, when this baby comes in a month we are having them come visit at the hospital and then they are both going to their other parents. When they do come back home with us I can guarantee you they will have little to zero interest in the baby. For the most part they will be doing their own thing/playing together and I'll be taking care of the baby. I can't forsee a lot of bonding happening with a newborn within the first couple weeks.
I guess I am the odd one out in agreeing that that is completely nuts. I cannot imagine sending DS off to BD or my parents' house when the LO arrives. I'm sure it will be an adjustment, but that is why my DH will be taking some time off work, and working from home some days, and why my mom will be coming over a lot. Granted, we're lucky that we have these options.
I can see BM wanting time to settle in w/o the older kids, and the mindset that they will have more fun elsewhere, but I cannot understand not wanting your kids to meet the new LO as soon as possible. DS will see his little brother or sister for the first time at the hospital!