Do I say something- Aunt/Uncle favoritism and kids

Demedoll · July 2012

I'm sure this has been on a board somewhere on here but I don't feel like searching for it to be honest.

So I have 6 BILs. Between them there are 7 nieces and nephews not counting my DD.

One of my BILs drove across the country to go to one of my niece's bday party this week. A party that was on a Tuesday. He didn't even call or send a card to our daughter for her birth, baptism, or birthday. All three of her events happen to have occurred on weekends which would be far more convenient for coming to visit because he wouldn't have to miss work.

I really want to vent to my husband about it but at the same time I don't want to make him feel worse about it, if it has already registered with him. My husband and his brother get along fine as far as I know. I don't know if it is because I am pregnant and hormonal but I am getting really pissed about the favoritism and basically do not want to do anything nice for this brother at this point. I feel like if he ignores our family, why should we acknowledge his?

Am I being too childish? Should I just suck it up and be happy with my vent on this board?

Happily Overwhelmed · July 2012

I'm not really sure what the right answer is. But if it bothers you I'd probably vent to your DH. Not saying it should go further than that... DH and I don't really hold back much when it comes to venting about family to each other though. I never nag him to "correct" anything---but I do like to point out how something makes me feel for future reference. And I like him to know it's okay if something bugs him to tell me.

I don't think you're being selfish, childish, or just hormonal. If you feel like you have to get if off your chest IRL say something. But after that just focus on your own little family. Other people's priorities might be messed up. But trying to fix them isn't going to help how they really feel and probably only make it worse in the long run.

Cherryblossoms07 · July 2012

If it bothers you I would talk to your husband about it.

DH's and my family are very different when it comes to how they handle family things. We haven't gotten anything from any of our kids' aunts and uncles from DH's side (not a card, a call, a happy birthday). I asked DH about it and he says it is just not their thing. It doesn't really bother me, he has a ton of nieces and nephews and it makes it cheaper and easier for me because I would be the one that would need to keep track of all of them. Now, my brother and his family always sends something for the kids for when they were born, for Christmas, and their birthdays - and I send my nephew something for those occasions too. It is just a different family dynamic I guess.

Que*Syrah · July 2012

Are we talking about this one isolated event or is this consistent? I guess in my mind it's one thing if he constantly only goes to one kid's stuff vs. having missed practically everything else yet he came to this one party. KWIM?

I'd still say something to DH (if it was me) but I would leave it at that.

MesmrEwe · July 2012

Is it possible that the uncle is a Godfather to that child? In our family we tend to do more for our godchildren than the rest of the pack... That said, we make it known that's why we're there for their event and maybe not their sibling's to the kids so that they aren't thinking any hard feelings...

MrsBalletStar05 · July 2012

You said you don't want to upset your husband IF it has already registered with him. So, do you not even know if HE is upset by this? Sounds like you are the one who has issue with it. Bring it up to your husband if it bothers you so. There are 18 cousins on my side of the family alone, and several others on the other side. Some aunts and uncles are closer than others, it happens.

eaglesfan700 · July 2012

letranger:
I have no issue with favorites. And since it's not your brother I'd but out. Maybe the other brothers have a closer bond.

Ditto this. But I have learned from TB that things work differently in my family. No one gets hurt when people can't make things. I have six siblings, all married with kids and I wouldn't even remember who made so and so's party and didn't make my kid's.

cpmich · July 2012

eaglesfan700:
letranger:
I have no issue with favorites. And since it's not your brother I'd but out. Maybe the other brothers have a closer bond.
Ditto this. But I have learned from TB that things work differently in my family. No one gets hurt when people can't make things. I have six siblings, all married with kids and I wouldn't even remember who made so and so's party and didn't make my kid's.

this

Demedoll · July 2012

Hello ladies, thank you for your reponses.

To answer some questions, he isn't the godfather of the other niece, the birthdays are only a month apart so I don't think summer had anything to do with it, and yes it is a consistent thing with him. I say I don't know if it has registered with DH because I try not to criticize his family or say anything that might ruffle feathers between any of them but this time my MIL told me about my BIL driving there and said not to tell my DH about it. It just really ticked me off.

I've basically decided to just keep my mouth shut and if my DH ends up bringing up anything about the favoritism I will take that opportunity to chime in that I don't feel like we should waste our time and money on his family when he doesn't even have the decency to respond to the different occassions invitations or call on the day of the events to well wish.

My DH has enough on his mind prepping for baby #2, he doesn't need me starting drama for him.

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