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hterry85
member
How do you handle "I want to call my mom"
hterry85
member
SS has just started doing this. But it's always several minutes into a fit because something isn't going his way. He did it the last time he was here, but it was right around the day/time we had already told BM we would have him call, so we let him. Last night he wanted to play with a toy, but it was time for a bath and bed. It was a total meltdown over not wanting to do either and wanting to play with the toy instead. As soon as DH gave him the "knock it off or you won't play with it tomorrow either" he went into non stop wanting to talk to his mom. He was IN the bath, and then going to bed, so we told him it was too late and if he still wanted to call her today, he could.
Now, except for these two times, SS has never asked to call BM, and usually when we suggest it he's not interested. MOST of the time when we have him for a longer period of time BM does not call or ask to have him call.
How do you handle these types of situations? We don't want to tell him he can't talk to her, really he can anytime he wants. But we're also not going to be "tattled on" anytime something doesn't go his way. I know many of you already deal with this or have been there...tips?
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Re: How do you handle "I want to call my mom"
DS has only asked to call XH a handful of times in the last year. About half the times have been when he's in the middle of a punishment.
If he's in time out or writing sentences, he's no more allowed to call XH than he would be to watch TV. So we say no, and that he can call after he's done.
If it's bedtime and he has a meltdown, it's the same thing. But we tell him that if he reminds us, he can call in the morning.
I don't care about being tattled on. If DS wants to complain to someone, then whatever. But I'm not going to let it interfere with my parenting.
This kind of happens with my DS - Whenever something isn't going his way with me or SF, he asks to call me/SF/my dad. I always ignore it in the moment because he is having a temper tantrum, and he thinks the other parent or his grandpa will take pity on him.
If DS truly wants to talk to BM, he'll ask when he's not mad that things aren't going his way. It sounds like he just wants to have someone take pity on him. Once DS son's tantrum (and sometimes punishment) are over, and he still wants to call that person, we let him.
Smart kids
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SS used to call his mom every night at 7.30pm - so just before bed.
Outside of that we just acknowledged his feelings, I know you are up set and you miss your mom, but you will see her tomorrow (or whenever).
Do not let him get inthe habit of calling to tattle. It's OK to say no to kids!
Thanks ladies! I think with the pending court stuff we're worried about something being twisted and used the wrong way. If he calls crying for her, then we just might be terrible, but if we tell him no, we might not be allowing him to talk to her.
I feel like someone that wanted to could twist it no matter what we do
If one of the kids is throwing a fit over something or mad at us for being sent to their room or grounded, they are not allowed to call just because they are upset with us. We wouldn't allow them to call anyone else during that time either, so it's nothing against their other parent.
Our SS's are the same ages. I have noticed the past few months how very 'aware' of our situation he is. He knows he has days w his mom, and days w his dad. He will say things like 'is it my mom's day today?' or 'tomorrow am I with you or is it my mom's day?' when we are trying to figure out what we have going on. He was at his Nana's a couple weeks ago, and wasn't listening At.ALL. Nana said to him 'I'm going to call your dad' and he replied 'you can't! It's not my dad's day it's my mom's day!!'. He knows he can get away w more w he and she doesn't punish him, so he was acting up with nana because he didn't think there would be any real consequence. My ppoint is, I think he sees you all as 2 different teams. That's how SS sees our houses. We have decided next time if he says 'I'm telling my mom' or 'I want to call my mom!' we will call her up right there. I know she calls DH all the time when she has issues, so if he sees that we have no problem w calling BM, this will stop. We won't call to just let him talk to her, it's going to be 'BM, SS is doing this, we asked him to do to that, we were wondering what you thought about this and if there is anything you want to say to him right now?' on speaker. We are at a point w BM where we aren't friends, but I think she realizes we have to show a united front for SS, an she knows how DH backs her up when she calls. I think that if you have a 'working relationship' w BM, maybe call his bluff. Say ok let's call her right now an see what she says about the way your acting'.
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SD talks to BM every morning (on the nights she stays over) BM works weird hours/ shifts and attempts to work a lot when SD is with us, so 9 times out of 10 if SD wants to call BM (mid temper tantrum, as with your SS) she is working anyway, so we just tell that to SD.
but having a set time every day that she talks to BM helps eliminate needing to talk to her when she is in the middle of a tantrum.
The few times she has asked mid- tantrum DH has said no, she needs to deal with whats going on now, accept her punishment, and later she can call BM (which SD usually forgets about anyway)
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My boyfriend has 3 kids and we have been together for 2 years but i have know him since the youngest was only 6 months, she is now 6yrs old. They cry to talk to their mother anytime they are in trouble and we dont give in. their mother likes to use them to find out what goes on in our house so we limit the phone calls to bedtime only...they have never really cared or noticed. When they are having fitz they are punished and sometimes, not always, cry to talk to their mother. it doesnt work with us they are told when they calm down and can listen to what they are told they can join everyone again and they can call their mother before bed as always. by the time they get her on the phone at bedtime they dont even mention their fits. they play BM against us cause they know she will through a fit if the kids are upset....this is a women who never punishes them, never taught them respect or that there are rules...my theory which has proved right recently, things happen for a reason....
it just takes patients. once they see you wont budge they will start to go by the rules you set.
I like this. I'm going to use this.
TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!