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Baby Shower Blues

AJay2010AJay2010
in Baby Showers

So I had my first child (a boy) when I was young (19) and didn't have a baby shower because my mother didn't think anyone would come.. blah blah baby out of wedlock.

Now I am 32, and had my second child (a girl). I had a shower that was planned by one of my best friends.. mom didn't like it because she wanted to be the planner/headliner. However.. I had high blood pressure and ended up being induced and delivering the day of my baby shower. Yeah. 

 I am returning to work next week.. and still no baby shower. Do I even bring it up?

A little back story - my friend is now avoiding me because she owes me a lot of money and has a new boyfriend that buys her everything and lets her live with him. My friend and my mother do not get along.. because of shower planning drama. 

Hubby and I have basically purchased everything we need ourselves... my mom bought the car seat and stroller, and 3 other family members have sent things like clothes, diapers and toys.

It makes me really emotional.. and the irrational part of me thinks I was just never destined to have a baby shower.

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Re: Baby Shower Blues

  • AJay2010AJay2010
    Thanks :-)
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  • BallSoxBallSox member
    Sorry, it would be rude to bring it up.its a gift, not a right. The fact that you bring up how no one has bought much....... So? You provided for the baby you made.  
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Little Man (4 years old---holy cow)
    He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be.  He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.  
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  • SunAndRainSunAndRain member
    I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you.  Sometimes destiny has other blessings in store for us, I guess.
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  • misspunkymisspunky member
    I wouldn't bother saying anything about it. You already have the things you need, and it sounds like this friend is a bunch of drama anyways. Don't stress yourself over it.
                    image
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                                     http://www.pinterest.com/kate2904/
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  • Allycat11Allycat11 member
    I would not bring it up.  Congrats on your baby girl!
    11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS 
    10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks
    1/12/13 DD was born
    4/9/16 DS was born 
    9/17 CP 
    6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19 

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  • BallSoxBallSox member
    Feeling bummed =/= guilting people into it. you can feel however you want, but acting on its different. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Little Man (4 years old---holy cow)
    He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be.  He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.  
    Report Reply
  • panicked228panicked228 member

    imageBallSox:
    Feeling bummed =/= guilting people into it. you can feel however you want, but acting on its different. 

     Yes x 1,000,000. I don't really get the need for a shower in this scenario, other than to be the center of attention. You have everything you need and oh yeah, you already had the baby.   If you simply *must* do something, have a "meet-the-baby" shindig. No gifts, but you still get to tell your birth story a billion times.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • mben1119mben1119 member

    imageBallSox:
    Feeling bummed =/= guilting people into it. you can feel however you want, but acting on its different. 

    This. You absolutely can not say anything to her.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Liz4444Liz4444 member
    It's ok to feel a little bummed, but don't bring it up.  You got the important part of pregnancy, your baby!
    Daisypath Happy Birthday tickersDaisypath Happy Birthday tickersPitaPata Cat tickers

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  • AJay2010AJay2010

    This is also true for me. We don't have birthday parties unless they were for my son.. and those are mostly like family get togethers than a traditional birthday party.  Plus I've only been to probably 4 weddings for family - ever (most of my family is from Tennessee and I live in Boston).

    Part of me is kind of relieved I didn't have a shower, because I didn't want to feel like I was getting/doing more for my daughter than I was for my son. Does that make sense?

     Thank you everyone!

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  • VanessaB24VanessaB24 member

    I would ask to speak to your friends new b/f about him paying you back the $ she owes you since she "can't"...

    At least then you can get more things for your baby

    http://cwa-union.org/sites/cwaunion/index.php/verigreedy/
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  • jvdavisbabyjvdavisbaby member
    imageEstwd2:

    imageMelRC117:
    Why do people treat baby showers like some special right of passage?  It's really not that big of a deal, its just simply a get together given by a friend or family member to get gifts.  It's not like a bar or bat mitzvah or a quinceanera, and even those aren't guarantees even if it is the norm in that religion or culture.  You aren't missing out on some special secret society if you don't have a shower.  I'm sorry but it just didn't work out and leave it at that.

    Because tons of people don't have bar or bat mitzvahs, quinceaneras, or even sweet 16s. Hell, my family doesn't even do birthday parties once you hit your teens. They have showers and weddings. So if you've grown up with the tradition of every girl gets a shower followed by a wedding and a shower followed by a baby, and you miss one of those, you feel like you are missing out on family tradition.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining and crying that I didn't get a shower. Who can control a hurricane? Some people have even asked me if I'm going to have a shower for my 2nd kid because I didn't get a 1st, but I said no. Because I'm following our family tradition that STMs don't get showers. It's not my fault that tradition skipped right over me in the form of a hurricane, but I think I'm certainly justified in feeling down for a few minutes and saying "Gee, that sucks. I was looking forward to my shower."

     

    Very well put Estwd2 :)

    BabyFetus Ticker Labor buddy to LaceAndLilies
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  • mrsc720mrsc720
    It would be rude to ask for a shower but if a lot of people haven't had a chance to meet your LO, you could throw a meet the baby party. Nothing fancy, just a celebration. You could register for some things but I wouldn't mention it unless asked. Another fun option is to have a diaper party or a diaper poker party. In both cases guests bring diapers in lieu of a gift. For the poker one, guests can use the diapers to get chips to play poker with (I see your Luvs and raise you 2 Pampers!). The poker one is a nice idea if a lot of men (or card playing women) will be in attendance. In my family we usually do showers for each child, or at least a meet the baby party. Most people I know throw showers for a first child, different gender, and/or if there is a long span between children.
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