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When will it ever end?

dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
in Blended Families

We do not have a holiday schedule yet.  The only CO we have it to address regular weekly visitation.  However we have had this schedule now for a full year.  We haven't had many problems.  I freely gave BF christmas eve and christmas morning last year and I gave him fathers day.  And we shared Thanksgiving, each had half of the day.  We have had tons of adjustments to drop off place and time because normally he or his parents would have to drive 45 mins to the half way point, but because I still work in their town I have frequently picked up my son or dropped him off much closer to where they live. 

For almost a week prior to 4th of July I told my ex that I would not be working on Weds. as it was a holiday but that he could still have DS but he would need to pick him up at the half way point.  He refused.  I called my atty.  My atty told his atty because I do not work that he needs to meet me at halfway point.  He still refused.  My atty said he was being ridiculous and that I should hold firm to the halfway point.  Althought the CO does say every Weds morning we will meet at my work.

So yesterday morning I texted him again and told him to meet me at halfway point.  I told him that I would wait for him there and if he didn't show he would not be getting DS.  I waited at halfway point for 20 mins.  While still there I get a phone call from a police officer saying that she is at my work with him and he is placing a report that I was not there.  He is such a jerk.  So I tell her my side that I had informed him multiple times and via my atty that I would be at the half way point.  Fine.  So he has a police report and if he wants to spend the money he can file for a hearing or whatever he wants to do.  My atty said that if he does file for a hearing the judge will probably just say we need to go to mediation for holidays, which we already have scheduled for next month. 

So after talking to the police I figure this is the end of it.  As I had already told him I would be keeping DS if he didn't show up.  We had plans to go to the lake out of town.  So after the police call we proceeded out of town to the lake.  For the next two hours BF was calling and texting saying he wanted to come to my town to pick up DS.  Ugh.  I finally just texted him and told him to contact my atty and after telling him this twice he finally gave up. 

We ended up enjoying our day but it was partially ruined with all the drama.  I feel bad about what happened but he needs to learn how to compromise and not be so dang stubborn.  What a mess.  I felt like a dang fugitive all day.

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Re: When will it ever end?

  • PrettyInPearls23PrettyInPearls23 member
    I hope you're planning on addressing parenting time transportation in your mediation as well.

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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    I think you handled this perfectly fine.

    Any judge would see he was being unreasonable.

    Next time he requests a change try being reasonable about it.  It will set the standard. 

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  • karatechrissykaratechrissy member
    You wavered from the CO. ya, you are in contempt. Actually, I'd think even further in contempt bc he now has written documentation that you said he could have the holiday, and then after he offered to drive to your town to get him, YOU told him no, talk to your attorney. I hope you two make your co air tight and spell out times/places specifically to the T, because you are both going to live miserable lives trying to piss eachother off. On a side note, I think he wa being unreasonable by not meeting you. BUT he has the leg to stand on that it was written in your CO. CO superceedes everything. Even though it was a holiday, you have no schedule. CO is what should have been followed. 
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    imagePhantomgirl:

    I think you handled this perfectly fine.

    Any judge would see he was being unreasonable.

    Next time he requests a change try being reasonable about it.  It will set the standard. 

    This is what my atty is counting on.  Well actually my atty was counting on him taking no action.  Because for the past year we have heard up and down all the things he is going to do to me and he has never once followed through.  His atty has never filed any paperwork.  I have had to do everything.

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  • RhennaRhenna
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imagePhantomgirl:

    I think you handled this perfectly fine.

    Any judge would see he was being unreasonable.

    Next time he requests a change try being reasonable about it.  It will set the standard. 

    This is what my atty is counting on.  Well actually my atty was counting on him taking no action.  Because for the past year we have heard up and down all the things he is going to do to me and he has never once followed through.  His atty has never filed any paperwork.  I have had to do everything.

    That isn't saying much.  Your CO is seriously lacking in direction for the two of you and if these are the attorneys responsible for helping draft this thing I wouldn't be listening to anything he/she says at this point.  Find a new attorney IMO.

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  • twister22twister22 member

    imagekaratechrissy:
    You wavered from the CO. ya, you are in contempt. Actually, I'd think even further in contempt bc he now has written documentation that you said he could have the holiday, and then after he offered to drive to your town to get him, YOU told him no, talk to your attorney. I hope you two make your co air tight and spell out times/places specifically to the T, because you are both going to live miserable lives trying to piss eachother off. On a side note, I think he wa being unreasonable by not meeting you. BUT he has the leg to stand on that it was written in your CO. CO superceedes everything. Even though it was a holiday, you have no schedule. CO is what should have been followed. 

    This. Yes, it sucks that he was being a jerk, but it's what in your CO. 

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    imageRhenna:
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imagePhantomgirl:

    I think you handled this perfectly fine.

    Any judge would see he was being unreasonable.

    Next time he requests a change try being reasonable about it.  It will set the standard. 

    This is what my atty is counting on.  Well actually my atty was counting on him taking no action.  Because for the past year we have heard up and down all the things he is going to do to me and he has never once followed through.  His atty has never filed any paperwork.  I have had to do everything.

    That isn't saying much.  Your CO is seriously lacking in direction for the two of you and if these are the attorneys responsible for helping draft this thing I wouldn't be listening to anything he/she says at this point.  Find a new attorney IMO.

    The CO we have is a temorary court order that was filed three days after I abruptly moved out.  It was supposed to be temporary but it has taken a year for us to get a court mediation set up (next month).  Up until now I haven't been complaining much because it gives him a bit less than 30% time.  However if I ever get a new job in the city I moved to the whole thing will be null and void because it says the drop off point on week days is my work.  Which I agree was a terrible call on mine and my lawyers part.  It should have said the drop off is there on days I work and half way point on days I do not work.

    We shall see how this plays out.  I did read on the internet that if the party has a reasonable excuse for not following the court order then the judge may not place a contempt charge.

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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imageRhenna:
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imagePhantomgirl:

    I think you handled this perfectly fine.

    Any judge would see he was being unreasonable.

    Next time he requests a change try being reasonable about it.  It will set the standard. 

    This is what my atty is counting on.  Well actually my atty was counting on him taking no action.  Because for the past year we have heard up and down all the things he is going to do to me and he has never once followed through.  His atty has never filed any paperwork.  I have had to do everything.

    That isn't saying much.  Your CO is seriously lacking in direction for the two of you and if these are the attorneys responsible for helping draft this thing I wouldn't be listening to anything he/she says at this point.  Find a new attorney IMO.

    The CO we have is a temorary court order that was filed three days after I abruptly moved out.  It was supposed to be temporary but it has taken a year for us to get a court mediation set up (next month).  Up until now I haven't been complaining much because it gives him a bit less than 30% time.  However if I ever get a new job in the city I moved to the whole thing will be null and void because it says the drop off point on week days is my work.  Which I agree was a terrible call on mine and my lawyers part.  It should have said the drop off is there on days I work and half way point on days I do not work.

    We shall see how this plays out.  I did read on the internet that if the party has a reasonable excuse for not following the court order then the judge may not place a contempt charge.

    I find a workplace to be an inappropriate place to do child custody exchanges regardless of the type of workplace and your example is a prime reason why. Now the police have been at your place of employment over a custody issue. I'm sure that looks great to your employer.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imagegin9874:
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imageRhenna:
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imagePhantomgirl:

    I think you handled this perfectly fine.

    Any judge would see he was being unreasonable.

    Next time he requests a change try being reasonable about it.  It will set the standard. 

    This is what my atty is counting on.  Well actually my atty was counting on him taking no action.  Because for the past year we have heard up and down all the things he is going to do to me and he has never once followed through.  His atty has never filed any paperwork.  I have had to do everything.

    That isn't saying much.  Your CO is seriously lacking in direction for the two of you and if these are the attorneys responsible for helping draft this thing I wouldn't be listening to anything he/she says at this point.  Find a new attorney IMO.

    The CO we have is a temorary court order that was filed three days after I abruptly moved out.  It was supposed to be temporary but it has taken a year for us to get a court mediation set up (next month).  Up until now I haven't been complaining much because it gives him a bit less than 30% time.  However if I ever get a new job in the city I moved to the whole thing will be null and void because it says the drop off point on week days is my work.  Which I agree was a terrible call on mine and my lawyers part.  It should have said the drop off is there on days I work and half way point on days I do not work.

    We shall see how this plays out.  I did read on the internet that if the party has a reasonable excuse for not following the court order then the judge may not place a contempt charge.

    I find a workplace to be an inappropriate place to do child custody exchanges regardless of the type of workplace and your example is a prime reason why. Now the police have been at your place of employment over a custody issue. I'm sure that looks great to your employer.

    ^^ Exactly.  Also, didn't you once post that you had an altercation with your ex's new GF in the parking lot at your work?  I think a better place to do the exchanges would be at your son's daycare (if he's going to daycare).  That way you can drop your son off before you go into work, and your Ex can pick him up from daycare.  That will minimize the contact you 2 have with each other during exchanges until you're both able to do the exchanges without hostility.

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  • Jessys_GirlJessys_Girl

    imagetifanico:

    YOU were the one that changed the court ordered pick up point. Even though your ex acted like a jerk by calling in the cops, I think that both of you were just more concerned about winning the argument than actually thinking about the child.

    Next time you amend the CO, make sure there are not grey areas like this one. If July 4th was not outlined as a holiday (it is not in my CO), I would assume that it would work like any other Wednesday and you would be found in contempt.

    I agree with this. As inconvenient as it is for you, YOU were the one who was in the wrong. Your court order says you are to do pickup/dropoff at a certain place on Wednesdays. It is not his fault you didn't have to work, that's got nothing to do with him. Do I think he was a jerk for being so concrete about it? Yes, but I still think you were wrong.

    imagekaratechrissy:
    You wavered from the CO. ya, you are in contempt. Actually, I'd think even further in contempt bc he now has written documentation that you said he could have the holiday, and then after he offered to drive to your town to get him, YOU told him no, talk to your attorney. I hope you two make your co air tight and spell out times/places specifically to the T, because you are both going to live miserable lives trying to piss eachother off. On a side note, I think he wa being unreasonable by not meeting you. BUT he has the leg to stand on that it was written in your CO. CO superceedes everything. Even though it was a holiday, you have no schedule. CO is what should have been followed.

    This.

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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    Hmmm...

    I'm going to have to admit that I think I would have done exactly what OP did.

    she was totally reasonable in offering to meet him half way.

    I know I know, the court order.

    OP meeting him at your work place is a terrible idea.  If my attorney was stoopid enough to let me put that in a temp CO I would seriously consider changing attorney.  You're paying /him/her to think this through for you and that is a major f**kup.

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  • sprky79sprky79 member
    Meh. Since holdiays aren't even addressed in the CO, she was being nice to let him have the kid that day AT ALL.  What is she in contempt of?  Giving him access to the kid on a day the CO didn't require her to, but putting a caveat on it?  Meh.  I don't think she did anything all that wrong here.  A judge is not going to find her in contempt for this.
    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imagesprky79:
    Meh. Since holdiays aren't even addressed in the CO, she was being nice to let him have the kid that day AT ALL.  What is she in contempt of?  Giving him access to the kid on a day the CO didn't require her to, but putting a caveat on it?  Meh.  I don't think she did anything all that wrong here.  A judge is not going to find her in contempt for this.

    In the original post, she states that since there is not a holiday schedule, the normal CO for weekday visits is followed and that the CO states the BF is to have her son Wednesday mornings.  When there isn't a holiday order, the normal CO is followed.  So technically yes, she could be found in contempt of violated the standard CO. 

     

     

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    imagegin9874:
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imageRhenna:
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imagePhantomgirl:

    I think you handled this perfectly fine.

    Any judge would see he was being unreasonable.

    Next time he requests a change try being reasonable about it.  It will set the standard. 

    This is what my atty is counting on.  Well actually my atty was counting on him taking no action.  Because for the past year we have heard up and down all the things he is going to do to me and he has never once followed through.  His atty has never filed any paperwork.  I have had to do everything.

    That isn't saying much.  Your CO is seriously lacking in direction for the two of you and if these are the attorneys responsible for helping draft this thing I wouldn't be listening to anything he/she says at this point.  Find a new attorney IMO.

    The CO we have is a temorary court order that was filed three days after I abruptly moved out.  It was supposed to be temporary but it has taken a year for us to get a court mediation set up (next month).  Up until now I haven't been complaining much because it gives him a bit less than 30% time.  However if I ever get a new job in the city I moved to the whole thing will be null and void because it says the drop off point on week days is my work.  Which I agree was a terrible call on mine and my lawyers part.  It should have said the drop off is there on days I work and half way point on days I do not work.

    We shall see how this plays out.  I did read on the internet that if the party has a reasonable excuse for not following the court order then the judge may not place a contempt charge.

    I find a workplace to be an inappropriate place to do child custody exchanges regardless of the type of workplace and your example is a prime reason why. Now the police have been at your place of employment over a custody issue. I'm sure that looks great to your employer.

    My office was closed for the holiday so I'm pretty certain no one knows the cops were here. 

    However, I do agree this probably wasn't the best place.  However I do work 99% of the time so it is convienient for me.  But like I said earlier I think it was a poor decesion on my attys part because as soon as I get a job in my town our order will no longer work for me.  It should have specified the half way point for all drops off unless otherwise agreed upon.

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