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April 2012 Moms
MsCat19
member
Simply miserable. (long)
MsCat19
member
So I just took a shower so I didn't have to cry in front of Linz. I'm so miserable right now... I'm a prisoner in my own home. Some of you may remember that I wrecked my car when Lily was four weeks old. We went out and replaced my car, and the day we were going to pick it up, DH's car died due to lack of maintenance. We sold his car to a guy who buys crappy cars and resells... took the money and paid some of his bills and didn't get a car.
I was the one who said wait, we'll get a car when we can put a nice down payment... so this really is my fault I guess. I had all these awesome thoughts for the summer... I was going to go out east with the girls (on Long Island that's the Hamptons and farms), bring them to the beaches, do fun stuff... heck, just go to the library a ton!
But, it's too hot to justify bringing the baby out for the 1/2 mile walk to the library... My pool is green, so it's not like we can hang out in the yard and go in the pool... So we sit in the house and watch Dr. Who all day because I've decided to get Linz into sci fi...
I'm so miserable, I can't take it anymore. None of my friends have kids.. that was another thing on the list for this summer was to make some mommy friends, but if I can't go anywhere, that's not going to pan out. I had even joined a couple of groups where I would have made mommy friends, but now that's just me chatting with them on facebook.
So today I haven't even opened the blinds. I haven't left the property in a week, and when I did, it was to get some clothes that I needed... I wear tank tops every day and only had 4 that were in decent shape, not that I'm seeing anyone, but you know... my house is a wreck because the baby is on me all day - your average day she's on me 18-22 hours...
I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about this. I don't want to bother them. I can't tell DH because it will just make him feel like poo and there's nothing that can change about it since we have exactly $0 in savings right now. So I came here to rant... sorry for this being so long.
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Re: Simply miserable. (long)
They don't believe in that here in the suburbs of NYC apparently... We would have to walk about a mile to catch a bus to anywhere... and that's limited!
Sorry you are feeling so low. I know how hard it is to stay in the house all day- it really wears on you
I spend a lot of time in the mall because it is the only cool place where we can walk for hours and have a place to feed, change, etc right when she needs to. Maybe your DH could give you a ride and then pick you up after work?
Can you spend a few hours this week working to get the pool clean? We use bleach and baking soda in ours so chemicals aren't super expensive.
Do you know anyone that would be able to come over and give you a break for a few hours - even if you just went for a walk around the block?
Can you find a local SAHM group? Try meetup.com or something.
You should totally walk to the library. It's not that far so the little one won't be outside for long. It'll make you feel better to get outside.
I'm so sorry! I know it can be so depressing to be stuck at home all the time. How far is YHs work? Can he cab or carpool one day a week so you can have the car? Maybe you could send a mass email to your potential mommy groups to see if someone could pick you up for an event. Also, even though your friends don't have kids, that doesn't mean they don't ever want to hang out with yours. Can a friend come over for a lunch date? I hope you can figure something out. I'm sure you'll feel much better once you strategize how to get out, even just a little bit.
I hate spending money since I'm not bringing any in, and since I'm still nursing on demand, sometimes I'm feeding her once an hour. With no car to escape to, I am not comfortable nursing in public... I know I'm not helping my own cause, but I really don''t feel like getting the stink eye in the library everyday from strangers who may not be comfortable with it.
My husband has been working on the pool half a$$ed for almost a month and I'm not comfortable doing it while holding the baby... same reason my house is disgusting.
And taxis around here are scary to say the least...
Also, with my older son I didn't know anyone with kids and I felt VERY trapped due to a variety of things. Looking back, I had pretty serious PPD and that was really exacerbating all of my thoughts and feelings. I have you thought about talking to your OB? PPD can really make everything feel hopeless. It is a night and day difference with this baby, and it makes me regret even more not getting help for my PPD sooner and having DS1's first 6 months be such a sad memory.
You're not bringing money in, but you ARE taking care of two kids all day, every day. Try not to think of it as spending money that isn't yours - your sanity is important to the whole family, and if you need to spend a little money on a cab to preserve it, then so be it. That benefits everyone.
I'd think the library would have a quiet place where you could bf. Maybe ask the librarian about it when you go in?
I know there are lots of obstacles but it sounds like getting you out and about is a priority right now.
1)You may not be bringing money in, but you're sure as hell working. Spend money if you need to.
2)Talk to your husband about how you are feeling. You are his wife and the mother of his kids- he deserves to know that you are having a hard time.
3)Drive your husband to work and pick him up at least twice a week. Pack him a lunch so he doesn't have to worry about leaving for lunch. I know it's inconvenient, but it's not healthy for you to be on house arrest.
4) **hugs**
This is great advice. Also I didn't nip at all last time but I ripped the band aid off those fears this time. It is still awkward but each time I do it I feel less anxious. Keep working On that bottle and go do something for yourself On the weekend. Even if it just a trip to the bookstore to read magazines you don't plan on buying.