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April 2012 Moms
Angry at DH - very long!!!
You know that anxiety you get when you have an argument with your spouse the day before and you think about it and stew the next whole day?yep, right there, right now. DH pissed me off twice yesterday, once was his fault, the other not as much.
Lets start with the so-so non-fault one?I think he has sleep apnea. He?s always tired during the day, to the point he falls asleep driving just about EVERYDAY!! If I hadn?t yelled at him yesterday, we would have rear ended someone going about 50mph. This is a problem, a big one!! I told him that if he ever were to get into an accident with Andrew in the car I would rip him apart. Not to mention what if he runs someone over? Then he?d end up in jail and our life would go to $hit. Obviously I am worried about him too getting into an accident alone and killing himself. I told him he needs to have a sleep study and he shrugs it off. Well, yesterday was the last straw. Today I have calls out to his doctors for appointments to figure this out. I?m not about to let him kill himself, me, our son or some stranger over something that can be fixed!!
Now, for the recurring problem in our life and we constantly argue about?I don?t always want to do what DH wants to do. You would think he was an only child the way he acts sometimes!! Instead he is like me, the oldest of 3. He hasn?t always gotten his way!! Yesterday was my birthday; like always we go on my parents boat and have a bbq/bday cake at my parents then meet up with his parents for their town?s fireworks. DH is pouty because he hasn?t seen the parade by his grandparents in 3 years. I am not kidding!! He acts like he?s 5!! We?re on the boat yesterday and he goes ?Andrew and I will see the parade next year??so I?m like no you?re not!! He responds ?Then I?ll go to the parade.? I didn?t say anything then but last night after the fireworks I flipped out. I told him that I was convinced he says these things just to pi$$ me off that would he seriously split our family up on a holiday and my birthday just so he could see a flippin parade!? Don?t I deserve to see my family on my birthday? If we went to the parade we wouldn?t get to my mothers until around 2ish and then have to leave by 7-8ish to go to the fireworks. Helllooooo!! How is that fair? Not to mention we spent all of last Sunday at his grandparents for his Grandpa?s 80th bday party and we?re probably spending all this weekend with them too, even though my parents are going boating again and I?d rather do that!! AND we see his family every. single. holiday (we don?t see mine for all of them). Plus family reunions, birthdays, a camp weekend in the summer (which is next weekend actually) and nearly every Sunday at his grandparent?s house!! Do we see my family that often? NO!! He says that he just wants Andrew to experience the things he did when he was little?so I said what about him experiencing things I did? It isn?t all about him!! So I told him that he hurt my feelings and I?m still stewing about it all. BTW this argument happened with us in bed and his back to me the whole time, I think he was crying but I don?t care.
This is just something that so needs to be resolved?it makes me so mad and I want to resent his family which is so wrong because they?re absolutely awesome to me. But I really don't think I'm
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Re: Angry at DH - very long!!!
Stupid phone...I don't think I'm in the wrong here even though he tells me. "you just don't understand!"....then make me understand!! I say this and he has nothing to say.
Ugh!! Men!!
Well, to be frank, your unwillingness to compromise on activities on the 4th (and yes, your birthday) seems kind of childish to me. A parade is a special event, not something that takes place every time you visit his family/grandparents, and it sounds like it is special to your H. Protesting that to accommodate your husband you'd "only" get 5-6 hours with your own family reads as rather selfish on your own part.
As for the amount of time you spend with his family vs. yours overall, that sounds like something that needs to be renegotiated for more balance.
I have to respectfully disagree because I have compromised. I used to see the fireworks with my cousins but once we got together we chose to skip that and have them with his family instead. We meet his family while it's still light out at the school where the fireworks are shot off. The kids play (his niece and nephew) and his parents, sisters and us spend time before the fireworks and then watch them together.
It isn't my fault my birthday is a holiday and he gets to share the memorial day and st Patrick's day parades with our son. I don't see why he absolutely needs the 4th too.
HOLY Crap
He would NEVER be allowed to take my child in his car ( or me for that matter) until he got himself treated. 
. Does he not take this problem seriously?
I agree with this. Maybe he shouldn't get to see the parade every year, but every few years would be a decent compromise. It's your birthday but it's also a national holiday that has special meaning to everyone. If DHs birthday was on Christmas I wouldn't expect that we'd see his family only jane do whatever he wants ust because it's his birthday. We'd rotate just as we do now.
I can understand your mindset.. my birthday is around christmas so I very rarely get to do what I WANT TO DO for my birthday.. BUT.. perhaps you can negotiate to do it once Andrew is even old enough to remember a parade? Right now he wouldnt remember it.. not even next year.. and mayeb you can negotiate to do the parade earlier in the day INSTEAD of fireworks with his family so you can end your evening spending your birthday the way you want to spend it with your family and on the boat?? Just a thought...
umm yes. I'd be freaking out about this.
The sleeping while driving thing is HUGE, and needs to be fixed. I can't imagine ever letting my son in the car with him.
Also, you seemed to be really upset and hurt that he would like to go to a parade, a tradition in his family. And making a huge deal out of plans for next years birthday. My husbands birthday is in early May, and this year fell on mothers day. We celebrated him, his mom, and me. What if he got all in a huff and made it all about him?
I think you are making way too big of a deal about your birthday,and being unfair to your husband. This seems like such a silly fight to have.
I would be more pissed about him brushing off the sleep issues. Get your head out of your azz dude.
I take my birthday VERY seriously and I still see it as my day to do what I want. However, one year to see the parade won't kill you or totally ruin your birthday. I can understand why it is frustrating, but I would just try and compromise in another area on a different holiday that year.
Thank you, I'll have to give him this example. Very sorry for your sisters PTSD. I know people who experience this and it's terrible.
I call DH doctors office today and his pcp is out till Monday. I told them that I don't care who he sees. They told me they'd check who was available and get back to me. I haven't heard back in a couple hrs, Im about to call them again. I ain't screwing around anymore.
Thanks softskate for telling me about your husband. My dad was experiencing 1.5 years ago. Never fell asleep just got very drowsy, he also has a cpap. I just hope that's what this is, we can get it resolved and don't have to worry anymore. Btw LO isn't in the car with him alone. I pick him up and drop him off to daycare because of DH works hrs.
Im very concerned about this, that's why I told him this morning I would be making him an appointment and am currently dealing with the dr's office. Do I regret waiting until now? Absolutely, but at least it's being done.
I didn't mean to come across as thinking that where we spend the holiday is more important than my husbands life. It's not, I just needed to vent about the family thing as well
Agree with PPs. If your H is crying about it, it obviously means something to him. Sounds a little petty and childish to fight about this. A little compromise (from both of you) doesn't hurt.
DH has sleep apnea. He used to fall asleep on the road all the time too. It took him a while to do it, but he finally got tested. Best thing he ever did. The breathing machine will take some time to get used to. I had to bribe DH to use it but now that he has gotten used to it, he's a changed man. I feel safer when he's on the road (he travels for a living).