We have a possible DE option--tell me the cons

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

I had a callback with my RE last night to talk about the failed cycle etc. He told me about a DE program that they have where you can share a cycle with another girl who needs IVF herself to get Pg but can't afford it (usually like no tubes or MF--not a DOR girl). My ins would pay for the donor to cycle and there is no donor fee since she is keeping 1/2 the eggs. We can't afford to do a "traditional" DE cycle since I am being laid off at the end of the year and will likely take a big pay cut when I can even get a new job.. DH has always been extremely resistant to DE and I didn't really need to push it since we couldn't afford to spend the $$ anyway. Well, here is an option that wouldn't cost much. DH gave me the shock of my life this am when he said maybe we should do it!

Here are my concerns:

1) donor who gives 1/2 her eggs is probably going to be older. Not sure I like the idea of a 30+ donor. In my mind, once you got to the point of being OK with DE, one benefit is not having to worry about possible birth defects from my crappy old eggs and needing so many tests to make sure all was ok.

2) waiting forever to get a match that we like since I doubt they have many that would resemble me etc. I can't stand the idea of being in limbo waiting for a match we want. Apparently new lists are released every 5 weeks and if there is one you like, you tell them. But you might not get matched if someone with more seniority on the list also picked them.

What other cons can you think of about using an "IF" donor" ??(beside it not working.. sadly aware of that possibility)

Mrkyrain · July 2012

I can't think of any cons that you didn't list. AND...I am so excited about this option for you and that DH is on board.

reb259 · July 2012

I am very excited that this option has turn up for you.

I wonder if you would be able to have "access" to any of her test results and info on her dx before hand. That might help to make your decision on the donor. Remember if there is anything you don't like you can always wait for another one. I know easier said than done.

I am not sure if she will be older certianly a possibility but I have noticed there a lot of girls on IF and IFV that are under 30.

I really hope this is an option that works out for you and you make it to the other side!

xoxo

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

Mrkyrain:
I can't think of any cons that you didn't list. AND...I am so excited about this option for you and that DH is on board.

Thanks hon. I think I was speechless for 20 minutes this morning when DH said ok. We were at a friend's beach club last night and there were so many kids. One family had so many that they couldn't even keep track of them and I said to DH that they wouldn't even miss one if I stole it.. I think he thinks I am going to go Lifetime Movie crazy so he said ok? LOL...

sarahtoledo · July 2012

I can't imagine insurance would pay for someone else's cycle! Sounds pretty fantastic, if you ask me.

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

reb259:

I am very excited that this option has turn up for you.

I wonder if you would be able to have "access" to any of her test results and info on her dx before hand. That might help to make your decision on the donor. Remember if there is anything you don't like you can always wait for another one. I know easier said than done.

I am not sure if she will be older certianly a possibility but I have noticed there a lot of girls on IF and IFV that are under 30.

I really hope this is an option that works out for you and you make it to the other side!

xoxo

Yes, I would be able to know what her DX is.

As for waiting for the next list: I am only covered for DE with this RE until my job ends so I have to get this done before January/Feb 2013. DH's ins won't let me cycle with this RE. That pressure starts to give me palpitations...

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

sarahtoledo:
I can't imagine insurance would pay for someone else's cycle! Sounds pretty fantastic, if you ask me.

I am in a mandate state and my particular insurance doesn't even require pre-approval for IVF. They will cover me for a DE cycle until I turn 40 because of my FSH levels which are abnormally high for my age.

Gregermis · July 2012

nothing else to add except good luck!!!!

Mrkyrain · July 2012

Mrs.McIrish:
Mrkyrain:
I can't think of any cons that you didn't list. AND...I am so excited about this option for you and that DH is on board.

Thanks hon. I think I was speechless for 20 minutes this morning when DH said ok. We were at a friend's beach club last night and there were so many kids. One family had so many that they couldn't even keep track of them and I said to DH that they wouldn't even miss one if I stole it.. I think he thinks I am going to go Lifetime Movie crazy so he said ok? LOL...

Ummm...I have said the same thing to DH. They have four, they don't need them all....LOL!

Roxie5739 · July 2012

I cannot add ny advice to what has already been said, but what an offer and if DH is on board then that is one huge hurdle already. GL in what you decide but with IVF coverage then hard to go wrong really

Mitzi Bishi · July 2012

This makes me squeal with excitement for you. I can't think of anything else that others haven't mentioned, except maybe more medical history so your PLO could have some more background knowledge. I love that a program like this exists, although I understand what you mean about the pressure of finding the best fit in a limited amount of time.

It sounds like the last half of this year is going to be quite exciting at the McIrish house! Wishing you tons of luck!!!

KarlsSweetie05 · July 2012

** Ticker Warning ** Lurker **

Wow about your insurance coverage!! Wow! Excited that you have this opportunity.

I've had friends look into this option, but have not used it. Here are few questions that popped into my head:

1) What happens if the donor doesn't produce many/any eggs - say only 0-3? Does she get to keep them all? Or rather, does the donor need to produce a minimum of X # of eggs (say 10 for example) in order to share them with you?

As a sub-question to # 1 - What about the financial costs in a situation that the donor didn't produce any / small # of eggs... if you pay for her meds, monitoring during the first half of the process and she doesn't produce, do you get reimbursed for those costs as you won't be receiving any eggs?

2) Has the donor cycled with IVF before? What was her outcome? I'd ask what was her protocol - which drugs, dosages, and how long did she stim? If she has not done IVF before, then ask if she did IUI and ask for details on her cycle(s). I would want to see how she produced on fertility meds prior to this attempt. Was she a good responder?

3) Thinking about your future child... what he/she will want to know about his/her genetic origins.... How much personal and family and medical history will you receive on your egg donor? Will you get pictures of the egg donor? If yes, what type of pictures - pixs from childhood / as an adult / current pixs?

What level of detail will you receive about her medical background so you can pass on information to your child? Would donor be open to contact (either directly or through the RE office or another means) if the child had a medical problem and needed more information later in life?

4) Again, thinking about your future child.... Would this be a closed anonymous egg donation? Or would there be any level of openess or sharing of personally identifiable information? Would there be future contact between you and the donor, between the donor and the child(ren)? If there will be any openess, I would want to get the details in writing before the procedure so everyone is clear on what is / is not expected.

5) Assume the donor produces a lot of eggs - say 20. You each get 10 eggs. All 10 fertilize. 8 make it to Day 5 blast (yeah, we can dream in a hypothetical situation). You transfer 2 and freeze 6. You get pg with twins and deliver 2 healthy babies 9 months later. You decide your family is now complete.

What happens with the remaining 6 embies in the freezer? I assume since they are technically your embies, you can do what you want - donate to another couple or donate to science or discard or leave frozen. Or do you need permission from the egg donor on how to handle the frozen embies? or would the ownership of hte frozen embies revert back to her? Don't see how because its your husband's sperm... but just throwing it out there.. probably should be addressed in the contract...

lynn0926 · July 2012

I can't think of any cons. You will know her age and dx and an idea of how she will do based on her AFC and FSH. I say put yourself on the list and go for it! So exciting!!!!!

lynn0926 · July 2012

sarahtoledo:
I can't imagine insurance would pay for someone else's cycle! Sounds pretty fantastic, if you ask me.

MA insurance will pay for your donor's cycle and meds!

BeckyP005 · July 2012

Omg I am so excited to read this!! McIrish I say go for it! I got chills reading this.I do get what you say about waiting for a match since I am doing a "shared cycle" and at my clinic it usually takes up to 6 months.

Do you know for sure she is 30 something? Maybe I'm not understanding that part. I know my friend used same clinic as me and her donor was 32 which is the cutoff age. She did get PG! Good luck in your decision but like the other pp I say go for it

vanessagorc · July 2012

It sounds like a great option. Ud prob be matched w someone like me. Personally I'm not infertile, mfi only. I hope u got someone younger, but I started cycling at 34 and I never had less than 12 eggs. I can't imagine if i had been 25. And my re alway said my eggs were good.

I hope it works out for u!!!!

mtlaurel · July 2012

McIrish, I was actually going to ask you about this program at c.ooper a while ago, but knew you were not pursuing the DE route at the time, so didn't want to bother you. I'm glad you and your DH are considering it now!

Can you find out how many such cycles they do a year? That could help you get a handle on how many new donor options pop up every five weeks. As I recall you're basically guaranteed six eggs; however, if the donor only gives six, you have to pay for her to do a second cycle - not sure I'd like that, or how your insurance would treat that. Also, can you ask about eligibility requirements on the donor's end? I can't recall reading about any, but there must be some. That could potentially give you peace of mind about using an IF donor eggs.

Other questions I would have are in regards to anonymity, the legal contract, etc.

I dismissed this program because we still would have had to pay OOP, so I figured we should bite the bullet and go somewhere with proven donors. A lot of good that did me!

BeckyP005 · July 2012

Duh... McIrish I'm such a blonde. Had to reread again. Understand the donor part now. Guess no reason for this response

Aegis2005 · July 2012

Mrs.McIrish:

Here are my concerns:

1) donor who gives 1/2 her eggs is probably going to be older. Not sure I like the idea of a 30+ donor. In my mind, once you got to the point of being OK with DE, one benefit is not having to worry about possible birth defects from my crappy old eggs and needing so many tests to make sure all was ok.

What other cons can you think of about using an "IF" donor" ??(beside it not working.. sadly aware of that possibility)

I wouldn't necessarily assume the donor is going to be 30+. I know a couple of local girls that did the shared risk program at my clinic solely because they couldn't afford to do IVF any other way - and they were in their 20's. I know my clinic does a lot of testing, and won't procede with a retrieval on the donor unless they have at least x amount of follicles at their first monitoring appointment.

lynn0926 · July 2012

A question I thought of (while I was in the shower, lol) will thy divide the eggs equally quality wise? Say there is an odd number, will you get the extra egg since you are paying for the IVF? Will they do a psych eval, health history, genetic profile, and gather other profile info that you would get from a typical DE cycle/agency? Eeeek! I am so thrilled that you have this as an option!

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

Thanks so much to all. I will call today to ask them to mail me an info package.

Mtlaurel: I did see on another board where someone mentioned that the contract says you have to pay for a new cycle if there are less than a specified # of eggs. Don't like that at all.

As for the splitting of eggs, it said on their website that I get the first egg, donor gets the 2nd and so forth. But if there was a quality issue, the embryologist can use her/his discretion to make it "fair".

I really wish I didn't have to work today to I can research my new "project".

I suppose I could also look into a shared paid donor there as it would only be $2500 ($5K/2 with the other recipient). Much lower than other places.

Thanks again and I will keep you all posted:-)

lynn0926 · July 2012

Mrs.McIrish:
Thanks so much to all. I will call today to ask them to mail me an info package.

Mtlaurel: I did see on another board where someone mentioned that the contract says you have to pay for a new cycle if there are less than a specified # of eggs. Don't like that at all.

As for the splitting of eggs, it said on their website that I get the first egg, donor gets the 2nd and so forth. But if there was a quality issue, the embryologist can use her/his discretion to make it "fair".

I really wish I didn't have to work today to I can research my new "project".

I suppose I could also look into a shared paid donor there as it would only be $2500 ($5K/2 with the other recipient). Much lower than other places.

Thanks again and I will keep you all posted:-)

It sounds like you have some def great options back on the table! I couldn't be happier for you right now!

may2806 · July 2012

I think this sounds like a good option! If you know the donor's dx I think you could factor that into the decision on whether to choose her - as you said if she is DOR she's not going to be a good candidate, but if she's PCOS she will probably still make a lot of eggs; and obviously if it's MFI then she could have no issues whatsoever. I don't think those donors would necessarily be older since their dx is not age-related.

Good luck!

theworms · July 2012

I think this is a great option cutie.

I hope it works out.

Keep us posted.

MelleTX · July 2012

Aegis2005:
Mrs.McIrish:

Here are my concerns:

1) donor who gives 1/2 her eggs is probably going to be older. Not sure I like the idea of a 30+ donor. In my mind, once you got to the point of being OK with DE, one benefit is not having to worry about possible birth defects from my crappy old eggs and needing so many tests to make sure all was ok.

What other cons can you think of about using an "IF" donor" ??(beside it not working.. sadly aware of that possibility)

I wouldn't necessarily assume the donor is going to be 30+. I know a couple of local girls that did the shared risk program at my clinic solely because they couldn't afford to do IVF any other way - and they were in their 20's. I know my clinic does a lot of testing, and won't procede with a retrieval on the donor unless they have at least x amount of follicles at their first monitoring appointment.

*** Ticker Warning***

Lurking because I like to come check in on my girls.

I also wouldn't assume that because she is over 30 that she has crappy eggs. She could be like me - 38 with lots of good eggs that just happen to have a crappy hard candy coating. I would be much more interested in her DX than her age. Looking back, I would have done a shared cycle in a heartbeat if I had known how mine would turn out.

I hope this works out for you. Take a "long lunch break" at your desk today and have fun researching this new project. Keep us posted. I can't wait to hear more.

FX for you always.

happywifemomofone · July 2012

McIrish-I am so excited to hear that you have options!! and DH is on board!!!!!!!

I have goosebumps for you, the myraid of options is incredibly overwhelming. I know that whenever I think I know in which direction we are headed, I find more options just up ahead and around the corner. The ladies above suggested some great questions to think about. Is this clinic in MA that lets you share a cycle with another IF patient?

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

happywifemomofone:

McIrish-I am so excited to hear that you have options!! and DH is on board!!!!!!!

I have goosebumps for you, the myraid of options is incredibly overwhelming. I know that whenever I think I know in which direction we are headed, I find more options just up ahead and around the corner. The ladies above suggested some great questions to think about. Is this clinic in MA that lets you share a cycle with another IF patient?

No, it is C.heck in NJ where I have been going.

Trippleb · July 2012

I hope this turns out to be a great option for you. I'd be very interested in seeing how this program works and how the donors are screened. Keep us posted!

Anasara · July 2012

I hope this becomes an option for you!

I actually had a friend who did this. I know you're concerned about the donor being older but she was 28 when she did this. She had a dx of PCOS & they ended up having twins & the recipient had a singleton.

MBfromBMC · July 2012

Mrs.McIrish:

I had a callback with my RE last night to talk about the failed cycle etc. He told me about a DE program that they have where you can share a cycle with another girl who needs IVF herself to get Pg but can't afford it (usually like no tubes or MF--not a DOR girl). My ins would pay for the donor to cycle and there is no donor fee since she is keeping 1/2 the eggs. We can't afford to do a "traditional" DE cycle since I am being laid off at the end of the year and will likely take a big pay cut when I can even get a new job.. DH has always been extremely resistant to DE and I didn't really need to push it since we couldn't afford to spend the $$ anyway. Well, here is an option that wouldn't cost much. DH gave me the shock of my life this am when he said maybe we should do it!

Here are my concerns:

1) donor who gives 1/2 her eggs is probably going to be older. Not sure I like the idea of a 30+ donor. In my mind, once you got to the point of being OK with DE, one benefit is not having to worry about possible birth defects from my crappy old eggs and needing so many tests to make sure all was ok.

2) waiting forever to get a match that we like since I doubt they have many that would resemble me etc. I can't stand the idea of being in limbo waiting for a match we want. Apparently new lists are released every 5 weeks and if there is one you like, you tell them. But you might not get matched if someone with more seniority on the list also picked them.

What other cons can you think of about using an "IF" donor" ??(beside it not working.. sadly aware of that possibility)

Are you sure about this? Since I know we are both at Cooper, we considered doing this. We are young and "good responders" with no known egg quality issues, so we were told that it might be a good way to save money (we have no coverage for IVF) since it is possible that we will produce plenty of eggs. I am curious to hear what you have heard about it...

I do understand what you were saying about the long wait, though. GL in whatever you decide!

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

MBfromBMC:
Mrs.McIrish:

I had a callback with my RE last night to talk about the failed cycle etc. He told me about a DE program that they have where you can share a cycle with another girl who needs IVF herself to get Pg but can't afford it (usually like no tubes or MF--not a DOR girl). My ins would pay for the donor to cycle and there is no donor fee since she is keeping 1/2 the eggs. We can't afford to do a "traditional" DE cycle since I am being laid off at the end of the year and will likely take a big pay cut when I can even get a new job.. DH has always been extremely resistant to DE and I didn't really need to push it since we couldn't afford to spend the $$ anyway. Well, here is an option that wouldn't cost much. DH gave me the shock of my life this am when he said maybe we should do it!

Here are my concerns:

1) donor who gives 1/2 her eggs is probably going to be older. Not sure I like the idea of a 30+ donor. In my mind, once you got to the point of being OK with DE, one benefit is not having to worry about possible birth defects from my crappy old eggs and needing so many tests to make sure all was ok.

2) waiting forever to get a match that we like since I doubt they have many that would resemble me etc. I can't stand the idea of being in limbo waiting for a match we want. Apparently new lists are released every 5 weeks and if there is one you like, you tell them. But you might not get matched if someone with more seniority on the list also picked them.

What other cons can you think of about using an "IF" donor" ??(beside it not working.. sadly aware of that possibility)

Are you sure about this? Since I know we are both at Cooper, we considered doing this. We are young and "good responders" with no known egg quality issues, so we were told that it might be a good way to save money (we have no coverage for IVF) since it is possible that we will produce plenty of eggs. I am curious to hear what you have heard about it...

I do understand what you were saying about the long wait, though. GL in whatever you decide!

Nope, not sure about this at all. Was just speculating that it would be older donors. I am waiting for a call back from the coordinator. So, tell me what you look like?? Maybe you can be my donor and I can pay for your cycle!! LOL

AmCheri · July 2012

This sounds very promising and exciting to me! I'm doing the Snoopy happy dance in honor of YH. So glad he's warming up to DE. I think more info about the donor's situation will answer many of your questions and will put your mind greatly at ease. Please keep us in the loop. This is an amazing development!

MBfromBMC · July 2012

Mrs.McIrish:
MBfromBMC:
Mrs.McIrish:

I had a callback with my RE last night to talk about the failed cycle etc. He told me about a DE program that they have where you can share a cycle with another girl who needs IVF herself to get Pg but can't afford it (usually like no tubes or MF--not a DOR girl). My ins would pay for the donor to cycle and there is no donor fee since she is keeping 1/2 the eggs. We can't afford to do a "traditional" DE cycle since I am being laid off at the end of the year and will likely take a big pay cut when I can even get a new job.. DH has always been extremely resistant to DE and I didn't really need to push it since we couldn't afford to spend the $$ anyway. Well, here is an option that wouldn't cost much. DH gave me the shock of my life this am when he said maybe we should do it!
Here are my concerns:
1) donor who gives 1/2 her eggs is probably going to be older. Not sure I like the idea of a 30+ donor. In my mind, once you got to the point of being OK with DE, one benefit is not having to worry about possible birth defects from my crappy old eggs and needing so many tests to make sure all was ok.
2) waiting forever to get a match that we like since I doubt they have many that would resemble me etc. I can't stand the idea of being in limbo waiting for a match we want. Apparently new lists are released every 5 weeks and if there is one you like, you tell them. But you might not get matched if someone with more seniority on the list also picked them.
What other cons can you think of about using an "IF" donor" ??(beside it not working.. sadly aware of that possibility)
Are you sure about this? Since I know we are both at Cooper, we considered doing this. We are young and "good responders" with no known egg quality issues, so we were told that it might be a good way to save money (we have no coverage for IVF) since it is possible that we will produce plenty of eggs. I am curious to hear what you have heard about it...
I do understand what you were saying about the long wait, though. GL in whatever you decide!
Nope, not sure about this at all. Was just speculating that it would be older donors. I am waiting for a call back from the coordinator. So, tell me what you look like?? Maybe you can be my donor and I can pay for your cycle!! LOL

LOL! The funny thing is that I'm Irish, too! A curly, green-eyed redhead!

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

MBfromBMC:
Mrs.McIrish:
MBfromBMC:
Mrs.McIrish:

I had a callback with my RE last night to talk about the failed cycle etc. He told me about a DE program that they have where you can share a cycle with another girl who needs IVF herself to get Pg but can't afford it (usually like no tubes or MF--not a DOR girl). My ins would pay for the donor to cycle and there is no donor fee since she is keeping 1/2 the eggs. We can't afford to do a "traditional" DE cycle since I am being laid off at the end of the year and will likely take a big pay cut when I can even get a new job.. DH has always been extremely resistant to DE and I didn't really need to push it since we couldn't afford to spend the $$ anyway. Well, here is an option that wouldn't cost much. DH gave me the shock of my life this am when he said maybe we should do it!

Here are my concerns:

1) donor who gives 1/2 her eggs is probably going to be older. Not sure I like the idea of a 30+ donor. In my mind, once you got to the point of being OK with DE, one benefit is not having to worry about possible birth defects from my crappy old eggs and needing so many tests to make sure all was ok.

2) waiting forever to get a match that we like since I doubt they have many that would resemble me etc. I can't stand the idea of being in limbo waiting for a match we want. Apparently new lists are released every 5 weeks and if there is one you like, you tell them. But you might not get matched if someone with more seniority on the list also picked them.

What other cons can you think of about using an "IF" donor" ??(beside it not working.. sadly aware of that possibility)

Are you sure about this? Since I know we are both at Cooper, we considered doing this. We are young and "good responders" with no known egg quality issues, so we were told that it might be a good way to save money (we have no coverage for IVF) since it is possible that we will produce plenty of eggs. I am curious to hear what you have heard about it...

I do understand what you were saying about the long wait, though. GL in whatever you decide!

Nope, not sure about this at all. Was just speculating that it would be older donors. I am waiting for a call back from the coordinator. So, tell me what you look like?? Maybe you can be my donor and I can pay for your cycle!! LOL

LOL! The funny thing is that I'm Irish, too! A curly, green-eyed redhead!

Shut the front door! I am blue-eyed redhead! My hair is wavy when I don't try to blow it out and in humidity, forget about it. Tooo funny!

amethystgrrl · July 2012

This sounds as though it might be a wonderful option for you! I'm so excited! I've known plenty of under-thirties that have gone through IVF, most for MfI. I can't wait to hear how this progresses.

njohnson1972 · July 2012

I am a little late to this, but there was a woman here on the Bump that did this. She had male factor issues and they couldn't afford IVF. She did a shared cycle and donated half her eggs. She did not get pregnant on that cycle (the couple receiving the eggs did). She went on to do a FET and had twins, if I remember correctly.

There is a clinic in my town that advertises this option, though I am not familiar with that RE. And my eggs suck.

Good luck!

joules12 · July 2012

So excited that you've got this new option on the table, McIrish! Keeping my fingers crossed that it works out favorably! Definitely keep us posted, as I want to keep up on how you're making out with it and, selfishly, you've got my curiosity piqued since we know that DE might be on our horizon and Co.oper is right near us.

Good luck!!!

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