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Late Term and Child Loss
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3 weeks ago today.

lmielocl1lmielocl1 member
in Late Term and Child Loss

Three weeks ago today was the worst day of my life.  I went in for a routine appointment at 18w and came out with the news that our little boy no longer had a heartbeat.  My entire pregnancy had been quite a rollercoaster and two weeks prior, we had received news that our amnio results were perfect (after being given a 1 in 5 chance of having a chromosomal issue).  We finally started to relax and actually, the morning of my appointment, my husband told all of our family the news that we were expecting only to have write another note later that day telling them about our loss. I went into the hospital the next afternoon to be induced and on Friday 6/15/12 at 9:38am, our little boy was born sleeping.  We held him and took pictures. I am so glad that we did. We named him Ethan James.  

The last three weeks have been really difficult.  I am still crying quite a bit and have been having trouble sleeping.  We planted a tree in our backyard in his honor and I do find peace at night when I am watering the tree.  I talk to Ethan to let him know how much we miss him and how much we love him.  I know he is watching over us.  We have another son, Aaron, who is 20 months old. He is not yet old enough to understand but he does know Ethan's tree.  He does get confused though as he has a classmate in his daycare named Ethan so I am not sure he really understands.  I hope that someday he will understand.  

I have been able to talk about my experiences with 2 friends and that has helped a lot! I wanted to find a support group but have not been able to find one yet.  I am debating about therapy but I am scared.  I only took a 1 1/2 weeks off from work as I am pretty new in my job & not eligible for any type of leave; going back was hard but my work group is so supportive & it has been good to stay busy.  I find when I am not busy is when the grief hits me hard.  I know it is going to take time.  

I am so sorry that this board exists in that I wish none of us had to experience a loss.  I am thankful it does exist though to meet others & learn from others.  I hope that I can be supporting to you as well.  

Thank you!

Leslie

 

 

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image http://lmielocl1-lesliejourney.blogspot.com
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Re: 3 weeks ago today.

  • Mrs NiceMrs Nice member
    Hello Leslie. I am so sorry for your loss of baby Ethan and that you have to join us here. I hope you can find comfort and support here with us.

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • cherrycobblercherrycobbler member
    I so sorry for the loss of your sweet little Ethan.  I do hope you are able to find some comfort here.  Much love and ((hugs)) to you and your family.
    BFP#1: EDD 10/11/11 Our sweet boy Robin was born 7 weeks a little early on 8/23/11 due to HELLP syndrome, unfortunately he was diagnosed with Trisomy13 and left us on 8/29/11. BFP#2: EDD 10/13/13
    thelossblog.blogspot.com
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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    I am so sorry for the loss of your Ethan and that you have to join us here. I'm glad you have been able to share your story with friends and that your work group has been so supportive. I have found that it is very important for me to get my story out to as many people as possible. In the counseling world we call it 'establishing the significance of the loss.' I hope you can find some support here!


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • tuscanbride2007tuscanbride2007 member

    I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy, Ethan. I agree with you in that I wish this board didn't exist, but I have found it extremely comforting as I navigate this difficult journey and learn to accept my new normal.

    ((HUGS))
     

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

    image    http://oi40.tinypic.com/15czrid.jpg     image

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  • lmielocl1lmielocl1 member
    Thank you so much for your messages!!  Today was a tough day so it was very nice coming home to them! Thank you.  
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    image http://lmielocl1-lesliejourney.blogspot.com
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  • sloannmarksloannmark member

    My heart breaks for you. I lost my boys at 17 weeks so reading your story hits me hard. Ethan James is a beautiful name.  It's good that you have some friends that you can talk to about this as well as supportive coworkers, and I hope you can find comfort on here as well. I cried every day for the first 4 weeks, and then I found that there was a day I didn't cry here and there. Staying busy has helped me as well. My husband and I had our first therapy session last week and we found it helpful.

    We are here for you.

    Severe endo & fibroids, IVF #1 BFP with twins, Gabriel Mark (5/20/12) & Zachary David (5/24/12)- said goodbye to my two angels at 17 weeks due to pprom. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    IVF#2 FET 9/24, Beta #1 10/3...

    My Blog: http://theunfixableme.blogspot.com/

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  • lmielocl1lmielocl1 member

    Thank you for your post!!

    I am glad that your first therapy session was helpful. I am here for you as well!!  (((hugs)))

    Leslie 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    image http://lmielocl1-lesliejourney.blogspot.com
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