MIL Nursery

LGalipp19 · July 2012

Is anyone else's MIL creating a full blown nursery at her house? I can't help but to be extremely annoyed. I mean how much does she expect this baby to be staying with her? She bought a crib, full bedding set, glider, changer, high chair etc. I am trying to be understanding as this is her first grand child and she had all boys. I just can't help but be super frustrated that I am the only one who thinks she is acting like this is her baby. Is it weird or just pregnancy hormones making me crazy??

JessAnnJ · July 2012

Unless MIL is going to be your daycare provider I think it is very weird.

LGalipp19 · July 2012

JessAnnJ:
Unless MIL is going to be your daycare provider I think it is very weird.

She's not at all. I'm staying home with the baby.

bgf1 · July 2012

I agree it is a bit weird. How much are you and your DH at her place though? We go to my MIL every week and it would be handy to be able to rock your LO for their nap, and have a comfortable and safe place to change and put them down to sleep if you are there frequently. If you are concerned regarding your MIL's expectations about how often you will be over then you could just comment on how great the nursery looks, but state you feel badly about her spending the money on something that may only be used once or twice a week (or month). This way you are not criticizing but you can gently establish your expectations over the frequency of your future visits.

SingleMom31 · July 2012

I definitely think that it's weird too. I mean, wouldn't a pack 'n play be much more economical?

On a related note, my mom is trying to decorate the nursery at OUR house. It's really ticking me off. She got the fun of doing it when she had her four kids (i.e. me and my sibs). It's my turn to be the parent and have the fun of decorating. She keeps telling me that the stuff that I've picked isn't nearly as cute as what she wants.

6fsn · July 2012

I think it's weird, but at least it's not malicious. Does it really hurt you in any way for her to be excited? My MIL likes to duplicate the toys that I get for my kids and keep them at her house. It's weird and stupid, but she's not out to hurt them so I roll my eyes and laugh about it to my sister.

nuzzin · July 2012

My mil is as both my sister in law and I are both expecting with our firsts, we wind up up at her house at least once a week so I'm glad the we have somewhere comfortable to nap and a place to sleep if we need them to watch the baby as she may wind up watching the baby while I take night classes. I do think its a bit extreme that she bought all new stuff though

candr09 · July 2012

That's weird. It would annoy me. My mom is our daycare and she has a pack n play and small umbrella stroller. She has a ton of toys, but DD is there a lot so they get used.

I would just ask MIL why she thinks it's necessary to buy all that as the baby will only be there "(however often)".

TiaS16 · July 2012

Not my MIL...but my mother...now, my little sister has a child who is about to turn 2 and one that should be here by Aug 7th. And my sis lives about 50miles from my mother and visits at least once a week. I, however, live 400 miles away and she has started calling me about what 'the baby wants'....to which I respond, the baby the size of an orange, and currently the baby wants popcorn! (or whatever craving I'm having) She doesn't like this response, but since I don't even know if it's a girl or boy yet she rolls with it...for now...

Good luck with your MIL...

choppinbroccoli22 · July 2012

Now that my MIL has two grandchildren and one on the way, she has pulled back from other commitments, bought a car seat, and is buying more things for her home to accommodate any of her grandchildren.

I sort of found it odd at first that, we had our 1st baby and there was none of this; my SIL has a baby and boom: baby stuff. But I realize that she just is now coming to terms with the reality of what kind of grandmother she wants to be and the kinds of things she wants to have to make that easier.

Maybe yours is just thinking about the future?

ShellShockedMama · July 2012

Most grandmothers go though this phase, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

jenyjeny · July 2012

LGalipp19:
Is anyone else's MIL creating a full blown nursery at her house? I can't help but to be extremely annoyed. I mean how much does she expect this baby to be staying with her? She bought a crib, full bedding set, glider, changer, high chair etc. I am trying to be understanding as this is her first grand child and she had all boys. I just can't help but be super frustrated that I am the only one who thinks she is acting like this is her baby. Is it weird or just pregnancy hormones making me crazy??

My MIL & my mom BOTH did this (although not the full decor) but definitely the crib, glider, etc.

Yes. It is crazy. But, I will tell you, they're doing it for them and for you, so don't get too upset. It's handy when you go over for the day, and you don't have to bring your entire house just so babe can have a safe nap. Plus it gives you an entire room that you can feed/change in privately (hopefully).

Just nod and smile. She's doing the crazy grandma thing. And it will honestly save you so much preparing any time you visit.

Grandma's are their own breed of *crazy*

faithfulfaith · July 2012

Really? A glider? I would be freaked

pepperchanning · July 2012

My mom is taking my old room (which has been the craft room for the past 8 yrs) and turning it into a "nursery" (mainly just a kid's room). This will be her first and only grandchild. She is painting it and going to have a little crib/bed/toys in there for when baby is over. I think it's sweet and bf thinks it's so nice of her.

I would think it was sweet for them to be so welcoming if my MIL did it. His mom has mentioned a million times that we can leave the baby with her to babysit. If she made a room I would be happy that they are getting involved and are so open to babysitting.

I will be a SAHM, so I plan on taking the baby over there to see her during the day and such since she is older and is retired and home during the day. But, it's definitely not an obligation on my part.

It doesn't mean that I have to leave the baby with them, but I think it makes it more of a family thing and they feel more involved...

EDIT: I have to add that we see his parents almost weekly (they are 20 minutes away) and talk to them daily. I talk to my parents daily and see them multiple times a week as we take care of each other's pets... I want the baby to be very involved with bf's parents because they are much older and won't have too long with baby (both almost 80)

magnoliablossom00 · July 2012

jenyjeny:
LGalipp19:
Is anyone else's MIL creating a full blown nursery at her house? I can't help but to be extremely annoyed. I mean how much does she expect this baby to be staying with her? She bought a crib, full bedding set, glider, changer, high chair etc. I am trying to be understanding as this is her first grand child and she had all boys. I just can't help but be super frustrated that I am the only one who thinks she is acting like this is her baby. Is it weird or just pregnancy hormones making me crazy??

My MIL & my mom BOTH did this (although not the full decor) but definitely the crib, glider, etc.
Yes. It is crazy. But, I will tell you, they're doing it for them and for you, so don't get too upset. It's handy when you go over for the day, and you don't have to bring your entire house just so babe can have a safe nap. Plus it gives you an entire room that you can feed/change in privately (hopefully).
Just nod and smile. She's doing the crazy grandma thing. And it will honestly save you so much preparing any time you visit.
Grandma's are their own breed of *crazy*

Yes Honestly, I completely understand b/c my MIL did the same thing (crib & mattress, bedding, toys, highchair, pack n play, and walker). The really weird thing is that we only go visit at their house 3 times a year! Honestly, the few times that we've been there it has really helped out, so I wouldn't say anything to your MIL. It doesn't hurt anything and she's trying to be helpful. I wouldn't urp a chirp b/c it will only hurt you to speak up! Try to be excited that she loved your LO and wants you to be comfortable there.

Structenggal · July 2012

I think that an entire nursery is odd, but I would love to have a glider at MIL's house. I'm not comfortable nursing in front of her (or her husband when she was married) and my options are to sit in a chair in a room that doesn't have a door (and MIL constantly walks in on me) or to sit on the edge of the bed in another room (very uncomfortable).

LLK122207 · July 2012

I think it's a little crazy but that doesn't make you required to take baby there all the time. It's not like you told her to get that stuff so she can't blame you when it doesn't get used as often as she may be thinking. Like PP have said it'll be nice when you're there to not have to pack the world!

mama2many · July 2012

I think it is probably a little much, and can see how it might make you a bit apprehensive. You'll clearly need to set some clear boundaries. But, how lovely that she's so thrilled.

My kids have only ever been at my mom's for a week or two once a year (we live over 900 miles away) & she has EVERYTHING: crib, basinette, high chair, pram, baby tub, stroller, fancy rocker by the crib that is always set up, etc. Until Feb, mine were the only grandkids. I think its a bit over the top, but I know she's been planning for grandchildren since I was about 2. Now, that my sister has a baby (one hour away) my mom has all the bedding out and decorated all the time - "just in case" the baby comes up for the afternoon.

I only wish my ILs had anything for kids at their house. It's pretty clear that there is not an open door policy, nor a joy, about the grandkids for them.

ashmin · July 2012

I totally understand how you feel and went through something similar. I would never ever do that to my daughter in law unless I was going to be the daycare provider while the mom worked. When I was pregnant with DD #1 I walked into a room upstairs at my MIL's house and it was full, literally, with multiple car seats, strollers, toys, clothes (garage sale stuff). It was out of control and as if she were having a baby, not me. Freaked me right out. Of course, I didn't say anything to her and none of that stuff ever got used. I'd just keep your frustrations to yourself to keep from offending her and she'll realize what a waste it was eventually! I'd say your feelings are 100% normal!

RissKay · July 2012

I find this really odd. If my MIL did this, I would get really upset. Mostly, I would be upset because her doing this would mean that she was assuming we'd be coming to visit her often (8 1/2 hours away driving before having a baby, so most likely more after) and even when we do go visit up there, we won't stay with them unless they get rid of some of their animals. (long story)

Anyway, I think it's strange. How often do you see her? Is she planning on having the baby around at least once a week? If so, she's probably just doing it out of excitement, rather than "thinking it's her baby." Still, a bit over the top.

jquirke9881 · July 2012

6fsn:
I think it's weird, but at least it's not malicious. Does it really hurt you in any way for her to be excited? My MIL likes to duplicate the toys that I get for my kids and keep them at her house. It's weird and stupid, but she's not out to hurt them so I roll my eyes and laugh about it to my sister.

This. I would try to let it go unless she starts using it as a guilt trip to have to you come over more often after the baby arrives. Which is what my MIL would do. "Oh but I set up this whooooole nursery so you really should come by more".

jsoubel · July 2012

A possible bright side: It could be a good place to hide with LO when you're over at your nutso MIL's house. It's overboard, but not totally insane.

aelhunt · July 2012

I think it is weird and I think that those of us that have an issue with it feel it's a control thing. At least I do. I want to feel that my DH and I are in control of our lives and LO life and when MIL does things like buy nursery items or ask questions about coming over all.the.time it makes us feel that she is a little intrusive on our territory. However, it probably isn't malicious and it is about establishing and reestablishing boundaries. Such is the life of having a MIL.....

LoveActually4 · July 2012

LLK122207:
I think it's a little crazy but that doesn't make you required to take baby there all the time. It's not like you told her to get that stuff so she can't blame you when it doesn't get used as often as she may be thinking. Like PP have said it'll be nice when you're there to not have to pack the world!

This. Just because she is going nuts doesn't guarantee the baby is acutally going to stay in the nursery!! Let her have her fun and get all her crazies out before LO comes.

LGalipp19 · July 2012

aelhunt:
I think it is weird and I think that those of us that have an issue with it feel it's a control thing. At least I do. I want to feel that my DH and I are in control of our lives and LO life and when MIL does things like buy nursery items or ask questions about coming over all.the.time it makes us feel that she is a little intrusive on our territory. However, it probably isn't malicious and it is about establishing and reestablishing boundaries. Such is the life of having a MIL.....

I think part of it is this. I hate to say but I just feel territorial since this is our first. I'm scared about DH and I not having control over all the decisions involving our DD since things like this already get out of hand where we can't stop it without creating a ton of drama. After reading all these posts, I'm just going to let it go. We live 25 min away and see her weekly and I think she just wants the baby to be comfortable while at her house. I think at first it freaked me out because I associated crib with overnight stays but it could be handy in the daytime too. I can totally see her saying, "oh it's late, why don't you just put her down here and come get her tomorrow?" DH and I are just going to have to be firm and say no if we don't want to. Thanks for all the responses!

rmaxim · July 2012

I agree, it's very annoying. But it's pretty harmless, so I would remind her every time it comes up that it will barely get used, so don't invest too much - just the basics will be fine. At least you will have a good place to take care of LO when you're there!

My MIL would have LOVED to do this, and tried to, to some extent - but she was on a tight budget so between that and our discouragement she didn't end up doing everything she wanted to, thank goodness. She also was planning to buy an old thrift store crib, we put the kibosh on that by insisting 1) our baby would never sleep in a non-modern crib, and 2) we were planning on keeping a Pack N Play there for him to sleep in anyway.

3litttlebirds · July 2012

I think it's weird and crazy too and would be upset if my MIL did this. I understand what a PP said....that it's not malicious. But still....I personally would see it as a way of MIL being controlling and trying to be too involved in the situation / overstepping boundaries.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · July 2012

It's quite a bit overboard. I can completely understand her having a highchair, swing, walker/exersaucer, and maybe a PNP (though couldn't you bring that over when you bring LO to her house?), but the crib, bedding set, glider and changer are going way overboard.

But really, whatever, it's her money she's wasting. I guess it's okay as long as she isn't registering and throwing herself a shower.

JenPhil6212 · July 2012

That would drive me crazy too! Which is why I am 1,000 miles away from all family.

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