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Blended Families
wwnbw
member
Question
wwnbw
member
We have SS EO Fri-Wed. He starts school in the fall and his mom needs afterschool for him. I told her if she had to pay for the days he didn't go anyway then we would use them. It would be easier on us because SS and my DD get out of school at the same time 30 mintues away from each other. She txt me today giving me our amount. UM WHAT?!
Do you think child support covers this? He used to go to daycare and she paid for it and then when he turned 2ish she took him out for a little while and he never started going back on our days. It would be helpful but we can't afford it so we will figure out something on our own if she says we need to pay but I'm just trying to get opnions.
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Re: Question
I guess if we are using it we should pay for it but it's not somthing we can afford and since we don't NEED it we won't use it. I will just pick him up straight from school and head back over here before DD get's of the bus. BM will still have to pay for those days but she is the one that needs the care not us. Heck I would pick him up every day so she would have to pay nothing but I know she would never go for that. But then in my head I'm asking myself if she has to pay for them anyway what is the big deal if he goes on our days? oh well.
Also I think if she wanted us to pay for half or at least our days then she should have talked to us about where he was going to go and not put him in the most expensive place she could find.
I also think if you are using it than you should pay a portion because technically you need it to considering the kids get out of school at the same time right?
In our situations, CS included childcare but for my SKs we never used the daycare (only BM) and we paid for DD's and my ex never used her daycare.
We don't "need" it. I will just have to leave extra early to be the first one in line to pick him him up and then come back before she gets off the bus. It's not the easiest thing but it's what we have to do.
ETA: And it's not like we just don't want to help we really can't afford it. I have no idea where that money would come from. We couldn't make it happen if we tried.
Just have you or your DH let her know that you will be picking hm up from school, and wont need the childcare on those days.
It is written in my H's CO about child support, so if its not in yours and you are not technically using it on your days- I dont see why you would help pay. Just my opinion.
^^^ same. DH pays half of BM's daycare fees (even though it's subsidized), plus CS. We don't have a CO.
Here CS is 20% for the first kid and then 17% for any kids after that so I'm guessing child care isn't in that? I really have no idea. And I'm not 100% sure if that is how it works for everyone or if it is case by case but we have 3 CO's in our blended family and that is how they all worked out for us.
BM txt me saying that we should understand that there are fees associated with us having him on school days. She hates that we have him during the week so I just told her that we didn't need after school fees so we won't be paying for it. I also asked her if she looked around and gave her the name of a great place that is $96 cheaper per month. I typed it in a nice non snarky way.
If I were BM, I wouild be annoyed if you sent me a "suggestion" based solely on price. Do you really think BM chose "the most expensive after school program available" (your sentiment)? Especially when at one point is seemed she was shouldering the entire bill on her own?
In DD/DS's school, there are only a few (3) after school programs with transportation. Of them, one is where my kids were in daycare, and I loved it as daycare, but would not send my kids to afterschool there b/c not a lot of kids go, and I would want my kids to socialize with their school friends.
The other two are completely different - one is play based and has the philosophy that kids need a "break" after school for a few hours for excercise, play, etc. The other is more structured. Both are great, but completely different.
The more expensive program may offer more activities, may have a better plan for holidays or half-days, might have a summer camp program (or a better summer camp program), might be where SC's friends all go. Something tells me that you have not done a lot of research on this.
It seems you are very fixated on price, and just want to stick your SC into "the cheapest place possible," regardless of your SC's (or BMs) needs.
I know you don't know the situation but I really can't stand when people assume things. BM is very big on names and I can promise you that BM did not look around. So in answer to your question yes I do think she would pick the most expensive place. And she is going from taking him full time somewhere to only after school care so the bill is being cut in half. After I told her about the other she said "oh they do pick ups?". I'm not trying to go to the cheapest place possible because I will not be paying a dime because I don't need the care! I was just letting her know that there are other options. I really don't even think she thought of the place I suggested and it's a really great place. I have done my research thank you.
Also like I said if it was somthing she wanted us to pay she should have talked to us about it and not just sent me a txt saying what our portion of the cost is. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter because we will not be using after school.
I don't have to know your BM. I DO know from YOUR posts, including the insurance post a week ago, that you resent every dime that BM spends on SS. "We are all healthy...but BM takes SS to the doctor for every least thing." So I know you are very cheap where your SS is concerned. I take my kids to the doctor when they are sick, and when there is "something going around" as well, and IMO my children's health is money well spent.
If you "don't have to pay a dime" for childcare, what do you care what BM pays, and why would you insert yourself?
And why would you expect NOT to pay at least some amount for daycare that YOU are using for YOUR convenience?
I care because she wants us to pay for it. If she wants us to pay for it and doesn't like that she has to pay for the days that aren't being used then she should look around and take him somewhere else or talk to us before she puts him somewhere. I was actually being nice by telling her the other option. I don't care how she wants to spend her CS I was just telling her there are other options. Bottom line is he isn't going on our days because we can't afford it and we aren't going to pay so that door is shut. I'm done talking about it.
I'm not cheap when it comes to my SS. I don't know why you would even say that. And as far as me resenting BM for the money she spends of SS. Um where did that even come from? Now I do resent other BM because she doesn't spend a dime on SS # 1 and that drives me nuts! But that is a whole other story but I'm just letting you know you have it backwards. Back to this BM... she gets CS and I could care less how it gets spent or what she does with it. If she wants to buy SS everything under the sun then go for it. Why would I care? We have spent over 10,000 in court cost and we spend money on SS too. I know that is irrelevant but I'm just pointing out that it has nothing to do with SS and money.
I said that we never go to the doctor and it's usually SS because she takes him for every little thing. Please don't quote me unless you are using my exact words. I'm sorry but when SS # 1, DD, and my DS get sick I don't run to the doctor for them to come in for 30 seconds tell me it's a 24 hr bug all for $40. I would rather see how they are feeling and then take them in if they are still feeling bad the next day. Money for their heath is money well spent but not when I don't have to spend it. I'm not made out of money and I can't spend that money if it's not needed. I don't care if BM is takes him 75 times in one week, we will pay our half and move on. My point was is that with the new insurance he will be the only one going to the doctor for the most part and so most of the deductibe will be paid by SS's bills. And actually that works out better for us anyway because BM will have to pay 50%.
I'm not even sure why I feel the need to defend myself to someone on the internet but it really bugs me that you are making me out to be someone I'm not.