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Justtee33
member
Out of state custody question
Justtee33
member
Hi ladies, I don't know much at all about custody. I'm 13 weeks pregnant, the father of the baby is my ex. We met and lived in California, dated for 3 years, broke up months ago but had a few flings and ended up pregnant. I found out I was pregnant 6 weeks before my planned move back "home" to the east coast. I decided to continue with the pregnancy even though I was moving across the country. Plus we weren't "together" any way.
My question is could he ask for some kind of custody? He has 6 kids, one of his ex wives is taking him to court as we speak for child support, he's not working, has no car and lives with his new girlfriend who pays for everything. He's never asked for custody from his other kids mothers. They mostly lived in his area. Even when one moved to Ohio he didn't seem to fight it.
I'm wondering if he could file for some way to make me have to pay for him to visit the baby or make it difficult for me to stay on the east coast. Also, I don't want to start putting things in writing or talking about it with him because I don't want to make him mad. He's upset that I followed through with my move and that I'm taking the baby with me. I would like to believe he won't do anything if we just maintain some open communication. I'm willing to bring the baby to visit and he's welcome to visit any time he wants. I'm also, skyping, pictures, updates, phone calls. But...should I be starting to legally protect myself?? TIA
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Re: Out of state custody question
Wow. Well actually I was looking for support not judgement. And to clear things up for those that have helpful responses, his first marriage was at age 20 they had 2 kids, divorced. His 2nd marriage around 30ish and had twins + single child, then divorced. A few months ago when we broke up he met a woman and got her pregnant, he didn't want it but know loves it. I met him after the second divorce when things were going well for him and he was learning from his past. We had a great 3 years and a horrible few months after a miscarriage in 2011. He also has contact with all of his children! So....
Hope that clears it up for more helpful responses about custody. Thanks!
Wow, you are so not helpful. Your judgement is astounding. I'm going to answer this question in hopes that it will help another person offer words of support but it will be my last response to you. Good luck supporting other women in need on this site.
You assumed twice that he has no contact with his children. Yet the reason I posted this question is because he loves his kids and does everything he can to be a part of their lives thus, I imagine, he will want to be a part of this baby's life. Unfortunately he is unable to work consistently right now, thus his inability to keep up with child support. His oldest daughters, 19 and 17, are in college and stay with him during their summers and holidays because it's often more fun than their mother's house. His 3 middle kids were in Ohio for years but have moved back to his state. They live around the corner and he see's them almost everyday. He's volunteering at their summer camp this summer. The baby is less than a year old and lives farther away. He and her mom travel back and forth so the baby can be with him frequently. He's so emotionally and physically invested in his kids which is why I posted this question about custody. I'm worried he will do something to make me have to move back to Cali to be closer to him...if that's possible. In CA, I hear, they don't particularly look at child support only. They rule for visitation regardless.
Hopefully someone else will be able to offer some words of wisdom. Otherwise, thank you Tifanico for allowing me to explain the whole story so that someone with less judgement and more willingness to support other single mothers can respond with more knowledge. Peace.
1. You don't bash Tif she is extremely knowledgable about long distance custody. She lives it everyday from 2 different countries. Her daughter has more frequent flier miles than you have brain cells
2. He can't afford housing, then it stands to reason he can't afford a lawyer to "make you move anywhere"
3. No judge makes you move anywhere. You will have your child in whatever state you are in and THAT state will have jurisidiction for your custody and vistation.
4. Just get over it you mated w/ a loser. You will fight for every dime of CS if you ever see it asn your child is 6th in line for the peice of the CS pie. So ifyou see anythign you will be awarded a squat amount that you will come on here and complain about and we will tell you again to choose who you sleep and procreate with a lot more carefully. Like perhaps some one who marries you and gives a public and legally biniding commitment to you. Not just 3 years of playing house.
5. In your 3 years of playing house, did you pay for everything? B/c you are side-eyeing his current GF who is paying for everything someone who will be 7th in line for his super fertile seed.
Tif and I call 'em as we see 'em.
Your panties are in a wad only because you know it's the truth and you wasted 3 years on a dud and you are stuck.
Wow, sounds like you got yourself into a huge mess!
My advice: When LO is born, file for a DNA test & CS. After he is served, if he DOESN'T want to be involved in the LO's life, offer him this "If you sign over your rights, you will never pay a dime of CS." But, it sounds like he wants to be involved? In which case, he would likely be awarded summer visitation, and you two will likely rotate Spring break and Christmas break every other year, with maybe a few other holidays. Likely, you two will have to split the travel costs. Know this, if he wants to be involved, he will be. You procreated with this guy, loser or not. Your LO is half of him, and whether you like it or not, they will likely want to know their BD.
You realize it isn't just a pen swipe and BAM! Parental rights terminated, right? There would need to be another man married to OP who was willing to adopt once BF terminated his rights. Do you know how many men would do this to get out of CS? And then how many of these moms would need welfare/public assistance bc of no CS? Our country would be even worse off than it already is.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Okay, so I now regret giving this advice, especially since it doesn't really apply to her since her BD wants to be involved.
I do have 3 friends (2 in one state, 1 in another) who have done this and were all three single at the time the BD signed over his rights. However, they BOTH had to agree to it.
Again, I regret giving this advice. *Hangs head in shame.*
Lurker here...
Not sure what state you're in but if the father isn't present at the birth you need a notarized letter from him stating he is in fact the father OR you'll need a paternity test. You can't just stick someone's name on a birth certificate as the father. Without him on the birth certificate you'll have a hard time getting CS from him (although even if he was it sounds like there would be issues). Also, without him on the birth certificate, you won't need to worry about custody or visitation as he won't have any legal rights to your child unless he sues you for it which I doubt he will. Just speaking from first hand experience with this issue.