Update to my "Honestly - I just need to vent!"

katigox · July 2012

Here's a link to both threads for background information, but basically my Dad reached his psychotic breaking point, and we took him in last night. After about half an hour of going over the severity of his TBI injury, which has led to his dementia, we discussed his threats and his feelings about this baby - where in he began to rant about my first baby again, this time, adding that had I not miscarried, he would have had to kill it, because it was "demon-like" (first time I ever heard him refer to our first baby like that!). Asked about this baby, he says he "feels it's better, but not great." (still refusing to call the baby, a baby, much less his grandson - even saying, "it won't be my grandson"). Finally, when asked what would happen if he started to think this baby was "demon-like" what would he do, he admits, that he "wouldn't want to hurt the baby . . . " and then stops, as if he realized that not saying, "Oh I couldn't/wouldn't hurt the baby", was worse.

Finally, the WORST part happened. Once they decided to admit him for psych eval (it was around 7PM, so it wouldn't be until today that someone could see him), the admitting psych doctor asked us all how we were feeling (mainly aimed at my Dad - but basically including us as well). It should be said, for added "Holy-crap-testimony", that my Dad was smiling, and saying he was just "fine". And then, when it was my turn, I just shared how grateful I was for them admitting him, and explaining that I was just so scared, because I'm nearing six months here, and soon enough, I won't be able to run upstairs to hide, much less anywhere else. And then - my Dad's face contorted. This very, creepy, smile came over him, and he said (verbatim!), "Doesn?t matter if you try to hide behind locked doors. I?ll get in. There?s no locked door you can hide behind."

My husband pretty much said, "And that's why we're here. Those threats exactly." Personally, that was my breaking point. I couldn't help but cry. After having to spend an hour going over all the horrible things he's been saying and doing for the past week and a half - to listening to him say my first baby was a 'demon-like' creature that HAD to die - to him STILL going on through my tears, adding that he "can break down any door I hide behind. That there's not a lock he can't pick. If he wants me, he'll get me." All the while, I'm crying, and my husband and the doctor are obviously VERY concerned. I mean, the fact that he continued with the threat, even after I was crying, was just plain psychotic, and even the psych doctor wanted to get a guard for the room, while she fetched the other doctor. Just before she left, she commented that "maybe he just can't live with you anymore."

And after she left, my Dad acted like nothing had happened, and was trying to joke around with me, wondering why I was wiping tears from my eyes. I don't know what the outcome of all this will be. I'm still waiting to hear from the doctors today, to see whether they'll just work on adjusting his meds and release him - or whether more permanent options have to be considered. I'm hoping for the best outcome, but preparing myself for the worst. I just don't know what will happen next. But today, I feel safe. And I can honestly say that that is the best feeling in the world.

Eveanyn · July 2012

I don't know what to say, so I'll just offer lots of (((HUGS))).

Petunia844 · July 2012

I'm so sorry, this all must be so very hard on you. I have to say, from an outsider's perspective, I know how awful it would be for you to feel like you're kicking your dad out, but it sounds like that may be the best case scenario and not the worst. You could still visit him whenever you want and your baby would probably know a much gentler and better image of his/her grandfather by not having him living in your house. It just sounds like he truly has no control left over these scary thoughts he has...and that's not safe for your family. I'm just so sorry, but I'm glad you have reached out and are getting help.

Mellimo83 · July 2012

Kati,, I am so sorry this is what you are needing to deal with! My heart goes out to you. My mom also has a TBI paired with other mental issues that can get violent when she is not taking her meeds correctly. I know your DH has probably said it many times, but you did the right thing getting him help. You didn't betray your dad and he will get the help he needs now. It's even harder when after a 'swing' they go back to 'normal' and it makes you wonder if you imagined the whole thing! you are not a bad person, you needed to ensure your safety and the safety of your unborn child. Please please please contact me if you need to talk, this is not something you are alone with. Best wishes to you and hopefully you can reelax a little now. Maybe it is time to look at different living conditions.

liss

adoxyinherear · July 2012

I am incredibly sorry you are experiencing this. You are so strong! I really hope they are able to do something for your dad. *hugs*

kpowers982 · July 2012

Praying for a resolution that is best for everyone involved.

Mom2anAngel2 · July 2012

WOW!!! I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. ((HUGS))

WearingRed · July 2012

Petunia844:
I'm so sorry, this all must be so very hard on you. I have to say, from an outsider's perspective, I know how awful it would be for you to feel like you're kicking your dad out, but it sounds like that may be the best case scenario and not the worst. You could still visit him whenever you want and your baby would probably know a much gentler and better image of his/her grandfather by not having him living in your house. It just sounds like he truly has no control left over these scary thoughts he has...and that's not safe for your family. I'm just so sorry, but I'm glad you have reached out and are getting help.

I couldn't have said it better. (hug)

niknak1128 · July 2012

Omg. You poor thing. That's just unbelievable and I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. I'm glad that your dad got some help. Sounds like personality disorder stuff going on there.. I hope they can help him and get him to a better place. So sad for you and your family. I'm so glad that you can feel safe now.. that stress can't be good for you either!! Huge hugs. I'm so sorry. I hope it gets better for you and your dad.

katharine25 · July 2012

I can only imagine how hard and heartbreaking this is for you.

MrsRiceARoni · July 2012

Petunia844:
I'm so sorry, this all must be so very hard on you. I have to say, from an outsider's perspective, I know how awful it would be for you to feel like you're kicking your dad out, but it sounds like that may be the best case scenario and not the worst. You could still visit him whenever you want and your baby would probably know a much gentler and better image of his/her grandfather by not having him living in your house. It just sounds like he truly has no control left over these scary thoughts he has...and that's not safe for your family. I'm just so sorry, but I'm glad you have reached out and are getting help.

I have to agree with all of this. I can tell this has all been very difficult for you, and I am so amazed by your strength through all of it. I hope that your father gets the help that he needs, and you get to continue to feel safe in your home.

NeverKnew · July 2012

It sounds like you got the help you *all* needed at the right time. Strength and peace be with you, because I know this is difficult for everybody involved.

orangegoggles · July 2012

(((Hugs))) I am so sorry you are going through this. You did the right thing. I know how hard it must be but now you will need to focus on your nuclear family (H, baby, and you). I truly hope your dad gets the help he needs and is able to be a participant in your baby's life.

kelly321 · July 2012

Petunia844:
I'm so sorry, this all must be so very hard on you. I have to say, from an outsider's perspective, I know how awful it would be for you to feel like you're kicking your dad out, but it sounds like that may be the best case scenario and not the worst. You could still visit him whenever you want and your baby would probably know a much gentler and better image of his/her grandfather by not having him living in your house. It just sounds like he truly has no control left over these scary thoughts he has...and that's not safe for your family. I'm just so sorry, but I'm glad you have reached out and are getting help.

This. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and am so glad that everyone is taking things seriously.

csquared426 · July 2012

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Mental illness is so heard to deal with.

I'm glad you are safe, and keeping your dad out of your house seems like the best plan.

((HUGS))

ilenegrace · July 2012

First of all I am so glad you are feeling safe now and I hope that continues. I am so sorry you are going through this and it has escalated to this point (I had hoped it wouldn't) but its better now than later. ((BIG HUGS))

angelacarmen · July 2012

I've been thinking about you, I think you absolutely made the right decision taking him in. As horrible of an experience as it was, I'm glad he displayed his issues while the doctor was there, it sounds like he could potentially pull the wool over. I'm so glad you feel safe now, keep us posted, and huge hugs to you.

linz85 · July 2012

I don't have any words but I just wanted to tell you my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this difficult time!

katigox · July 2012

Thank you all so much for all the support! And gosh, all the virtual hugs ~ love them! I don't know what's going to happen to next, but I am finding the strength to cling to this "safe" feeling, whether that means my Dad will come back, or not, I don't know.

But having this baby has given me the strength to ask myself, what I would tell my son, if he was dealing with this: would I tell him to stick it out, or encourage him to be safe? Obviously the later, and so, I am finally agreeing that unless we can guarantee my safety and my family's safety, we can't have him back.

I hate that I have to make a choice between my father, and my son, but at the same time, I can't cure his mental illness with my love; but I can keep my son safe with my love. Sounds corny and cliche, but it's the truth, and I'm sticking to it :]

Thank you all again, SO much! ?

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