Stay at Home Moms
Mrs.Hizzo
member
Poll - family obligations you hate
Mrs.Hizzo
member
This is inspired by the 12 hour drive we're about to make with the kids to go to the IL's for the Fourth. For the record, I've never complained about this (to my DH, anyway). I know it's important to him. The kids enjoy it, once we get there. But I think it's the biggest PITA, ever. I can't help it. The AC in my IL's house is always broken and the upstairs is hot enough to cook an egg. There are no shades in our room, and there is always a full moon when we go, so I'm up all night. They light off a gazillion lethal fireworks and I stress all night trying to make sure the boys are out of the way. In short, it sort of sucks.
Anyone else have something?
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Re: Poll - family obligations you hate
I hate that I'm obligated to be peaceful with my FIL even though he's super annoying.
I hate that we drive a gazillion miles a year to visit his parents.
Yeah, that doesn't sound very fun to me at all! How long do you stay there? I seriously hope it isn't all of that driving for 1 miserable night. Well, maybe that is better than multiple miserable nights? Ick.
Weird! I`ve never heard of something like that... It`s a nice idea in theory, but has some pretty serious flaws haha
Not so much an obligation, but more of a tradition as well:
DH`s family has this thing called the ``red plate``, where for birthdays, graduations, good grades, etc (any achievement), the person in question will be served dinner on a red plate and during the meal everyone takes a turn sharing something they appreciate about that person. Cute. I think its a great idea for a mom and dad to do with their kids to build confidence and make them feel appreciated. But now that both of my ILs kids are married, these red plate dinners get awkward. Like, really. They`ll do it at meals where my parents and SIL`s husband`s parents are there... and we all dont know each other all that well... and it`s sort of an intimate thing to sit at a table full of people and look someone in the eye and share what you value about them. And it`s just so unpleasant when I have to do that with SIL`s husband`s dad. Ugh. I dread those dinners, honestly.
This is pretty tame, but I hate being tech support for my parents. My dad will call telling me something won't work, but he doesn't use the right name for it so we have an awkward conversation while I'm trying to guess what "file thingy" means to figure out how to fix it. If I had a dollar for every time I had shown him how to add an attachment to an email, I swear I could by airfare to Europe.
I don't know if this falls under family obligations or just annoying but I hate the "obligations" linked to be married to the oldest child. We always have to call his siblings for bdays, their kids bdays, holidays, etc. We always have to be present at holiday gatherings, always keep cool in pissed off situations, always give gifts on bdays and holidays and the list goes on. Normally none of this would bother me if it weren't for the fact that his SEVEN other siblings and step siblings do not reciprocate. Some of them act like complete A holes. Two never call, send cards, or gifts to us or our child yet we are expected to send to theirs.
One sibling, spouse children LITERALLY have never thanked us for anything we give them or do for them. I dont expect anyone to spend money on our child but if we are expected to do it the least you can do is say thank you. They just have no manners and honestly I am sick of them and their family events.
I vented to my DH that I am tired of being treated like crap and always putting on a smiling face and I am tired of spending out money when half the time we dont even get thanks yous. The response I get is typically along the lines of not stooping to their level and we should set a good example. I was a middle child so maybe I just cannot relate to being expected to set an example time and again for people that could care less about the example we set.
Grrrr
That sounds miserable, Mrs. Hizzo!
My husband's family is obsessed with Thanksgiving. It is non-negotiable. There is no trading dates with in-laws, no "we will be there in the afternoon", nothing. I don't hate the actual Thanksgiving (although there are definitely parts I could live without or change) but the fact that it is a requirement with no bend or give. Everyone abides by it too.
We have missed 5 of the last 6 years being overseas but I know as soon as we move back our attendance will be mandatory again. It is deeply ingrained too - DH and I got into a huge fight our first year in the UK because he thought we should fly to the US for Thanksgiving weekend, fly back to the UK and then again to the US for Christmas! He now looks back and laughs at what an insane idea that was but at the time he was totally serious. And his family thought it made sense too! FIL said, "Well, it is Thanksgiving...we know how important Thanksgiving is in our family." No kidding, you are all nuts about the crazy day!
m/c at 13 weeks - March 23, 2011
OMG! This is my MIL/SIL! It's always on HGTV or DIY network or something. Then they complain about all the awful decorating on the shows. Why would they watch if they hated everything so much you know? Plus the girls get rambunctious because they usually get a lot of outside time and MIL/SIL refuse to go outside beyond sitting on their deck. H and I end up playing in the yard with the girls WHILE MIL/SIL are on the deck watching. It is soooo awkward. I hate it.
Let me say first that I love my ILs and they are very nice people. That said, they have always lived in close proximity to all of their family members, whereas I grew up living hours away from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. -- I'm not used to being "required" to show up for family events several times a year.
My ILs have 3 kids, all of whom are married and live between 1-1/2 and 3 hours away. DH and I are the only ones with kids. My ILs still expect us to show up semi-regularly for family events. Major holidays, that's a reasonable request (as long as we're not out of town visiting my family). A surprise going-away party for an aunt who is taking a month-long vacaiton? Uh, ok. A birthday party for a cousin's two year old the weekend after the aforementioned going-away party (where all the same people will be in attendance)? No. We've gotta draw the line somewhere.
The other thing that bugs me a little is Mother's Day/Father's Day. Since DH and I are the only of the three kids with kid(s) of our own, the ILs still assume that we're all going to show up at their house and celebrate these days with them. Forget the fact that DH and I are parents, too, and maybe we want to do something with our own kid. This year on Mother's Day my parents were in town so I used that as an excuse not to go; I spent the day with DD and my mother. If DH wants us all to go to his parents' house for Father's Day, that's his choice and I'm fine doing it (and that is what we did this year). I just don't want to have my Mother's Day revolve around MIL when I have my own child, KWIM?
As horrible as this sounds, I really dislike doing anything with my IL's.
They are super annoying, uppity, in mid life crisis, immature stage.
Not to mention, they have done/said some pretty crappy things to us in our years together.
Uggg...this post reminded me that I have to see them tomorrow.
H's brother and SIL are our saving graces. They have two kids in about the same age range as P and R so they play together nicely. And they're normal, so you can't beat that. Unfortunately, they're three hours from us and five hours from MIL so we rarely see them up at MIL's. They do come up for all the bday parties and stuff.
I think IL's are hard, regardless of the family. It's always so many "moving parts".
BTW- Hizzo- I've been watching about the fires. Are you in a safe area?
My ILs are wonderful, kind people and I love them dearly. That being said, they are slightly ridiculous about birthdays. They feel that everyone needs their own individual celebration. My bday is 5 days before MIL's and we can't celebrate together. DD1's bday is the day before FIL's and they can't celebrate together. So we end up doing dumb things like celebrating one bday on Saturday evening and the other on Sunday afternoon. I think it puts an unnecessary burden on people's schedules, especially BIL and his wife, who live out of town.
My family is big (I'm the oldest of 6) and fun, but they go through my house like a freight train and don't always think to help with cleanup. We often host family get-togethers since we have the only grandkids and it makes it easier to get them to bed.
This must be a common thing bc my IL's are the same way. They are tv zombies, it is on 24/7. They eat in front of it and everything.
HAHA! This makes me laugh because any time any of us goes to my Grandma's house, we have to show her AGAIN how to take photos off of her camera and put them on her computer.
My uncle passed away last year (unexpectedly of a heart attack at age 43) and so now we are spending the next 15 years (or however long my grandparents live) on a specialized vacation to celebrate his birthday together. Including a cake and a releasing of balloons ceremony in his memory.
I love my family and I'm really excited for the free vacation to the beach every year for the next few years but celebrating a dead family members birthday is just a little creepy to me.
I love my ILs and really enjoy spending time with all of them so no obligation feelings there!
1) I hate feeling obligated to have a birthday party for the kids EVERY flip'n year! The first b-day party I EVER got was when I was 13, the second when I turned 14, the third belly flopped so bad I've never had another since and sort of resent them. Other than the first b-day or the MIL's to gtg for dinner, I'd rather just keep b-days within the family...
2) Mother's Day!! I don't want to have to go out with the IL's to a restaurant...
3) Obligated to bring the kids along! With SAHM and having a husband who works a crazy busy work schedule, once in a while I'd like some time to myself to not be needed by ANYone or obligated to take the kids with me to places that aren't "kid friendly"...