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dragossoul84
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Question for Dads
dragossoul84
member
I was wondering do new dads have their own version of ppd? My poor husband is having a rough time he loves our son but he is getting so frustrated he feels like he cant diaper right gets anxious about changing outfits and hes being so hard on himself about everything. I am trying to be supportive of him and help him go easier on himself but he is just so darn hard on himself. Any thoughts on how to help him take it easy or to make him feel more comfortable
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Re: Question for Dads
I have enjoyed every last second of my LO being here. There are times when family or friends are holding her and I just have to snatch her away because I miss her or feel the need to hug her!
Have you made any little comments under your breath like "no thats not right" or did he find you fixing the diaper or changing the outfit because you didn't like it.
Otherwise, he might have something similar. Ive never heard of it but its probably not unrealistic.
Just give him a day to spend just him and the LO and when you get home tell him how great he did because im sure he will
My wife has a knack for certain looks when she is trying not to give input and take over, but rather let me do things on my own and it doesn't match her standard. These looks definitely show her disapproval. Take a moment to think if you do something similar. Like saying something under your breath, it can be just as damaging. Doing home improvement with my DW I think has given us a crash course for handling things that I am not as experienced or good at compared to her. Yes, my wife is the home improvement queen.
With that said, she started offering little tips of advice on ways to make things easier. This has been a huge help, for our relationship and my own confidence in fixing things. Our little one isn't here yet, but I'm hoping she continues to do this when LO gets here. It's made a huge difference in how we handle situations where I get easily frustrated at my lack of skills compared to hers. And I'm sure that she has far far more experience than I do where kids come.
Try being more supportive of him, or try a different approach. Walk away if you can't help but comment or rolls eyes while he's changing a diaper or whatever. Don't hover, we all know that we are far more nervous when being watched compared to being on our own. He probably wants to everything perfect, but I think we're all getting a great adventure here in figuring out how to raise our kids. and ya, I'm aware home improvement doesn't really equate to changing a diaper, but it's what I've got to help explain.
True that.....
My wife has a whole list of expectations....many of them I am not aware of until I fail.
Women judge much more through silence than through the word. We know this as husbands, and we retreat from it ASAP!!
Let hubby and the baby spend a day together....their day. Let him learn things by doing, without the pressure of passing your silent expectations. Trust me, you all have them:-)
The first 2 months are emotionally challenging. You don't really get to be "dad" during that time, you're just "not mom". You can't really do dad things with a newborn, and can't teach them much yet. So it's a matter of trying to find a connection. And if on top of that the day-to-days of caring for a newborn aren't coming naturally, it can be rough.
That being said, the thing I miss the most with my son was from that time, when he would just cradle in my arm and watch a movie with me. We'd both end up falling asleep in the chair or on the couch. Waking up with him content and asleep in my arms was great.
So maybe one day when you're having good luck with your little one, feed him, get him all ready for bed, put on a movie for your fella, and just the boys be boys and crash in front of the TV. And then tell him how cute it is seeing father and son being cozy.
And you're probably not being too hard on him. If a man doesn't know how women can "judge without words," then he has no right getting married or starting a family in the first place. He's being hard on himself because he's not perfect at being a dad. Let him know the times when you feel self-conscious about it and make sure you guys are on the same page.