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Toddlers: 24 Months+
3-day PT method not working for DD
I don't post here too often, but I always get a wealth of information from you ladies and was wondering if anyone could offer some insight into our PT woes. I began loosely using the 3-day PT method two weeks ago and it started out OK, but wasn't really showing much progress. DD never did get to the point where she would tell me she needed to go to the potty. Then, the middle of last week I decided to hunker down and stick to the method 100%. We threw out all of the diapers and pull-ups together, talked about how she would ONLY be wearing underwear from now on (even to bed at night) because we we getting rid of all the diapers. We talked about how pee and poop go in the potty and how she must keep her underwear dry.
I've been like a broken record, making sure that every 15 minutes or so I'm reminding her to let me know when she needs to go pee pee. I've been watching her like a hawk for 4 days straight. We've barely left the house. I rush her to the potty EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. she starts to pee. I look for signs and take her to the potty when I see he doing her pee pee dance or when she gets that look on her face and tell her, "You need to go pee pee, let's go to the potty" then I put her on the potty.
She continues to have accidents almost every single time. I think over the 4 days, she maybe told me a total of 4 times that she needed to go. Every other time was an accident or me telling her she had to go. I remind her that pee pee on her underwear is yucky and that we must keep our underwear dry. I keep it very matter of fact and do not loose my cool.
She is not getting it. It seems like she's made no progress. She doesn't seem to care at all that she's wet or has pooped in her underwear. She has absolutely NO accidents the 5 hours each day when she's at daycare and stays dry for her naps there. She's had no accidents for the 2 weeks she's been at daycare. They take all the girls to the potty every hour to hour 1/2 to use the potty. It's part of their routine. I tried doing this with her at home in hopes it would work for us, but she melts down says she doesn't want to go potty. The 3-day method says to let them be in charge of when they go, so unless I know for sure she's about to wet herself, I don't sit her on the potty.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm at my wits end and about to give up. I HATE to go back to diapers. My husband keeps pushing and pushing me to let it go and put her back in diapers (which isn't helping and I've told him this. I've told him I need his support and that I've put a lot of energy into this so it's really hard for me to just let it go). Since then he's been more understanding, but I know what he really thinks we should do.
I don't want to screw her up by pushing too hard, but I don't want to confuse her by reverting back to the pull-ups/diapers. I'm really at a loss, tired, frustrated, you name it.
Has anyone gone through a similar situation?
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Re: 3-day PT method not working for DD
Okay, first off, it's okay. I feel your frustration. My DD caught on really quickly with the Peeing, but pooping did not happen within 3 days. It took us a full week of poop accidents before she caught on, and honestly, I attribute it more to different strategies I tried that weren't mentioned in Lora's book. But last friday night, i was literally crying from frustration. DON'T go back to diapers. You can do this.
How old is your daughter? I'm assuming she's at least the recommended 22 months?
You didn't mention anything about rewarding your DD. What is her reward for getting anything, even just a dribble, into the toilet? This is REALLY important for helping her catch on. We started out rewarding DD anytime she FINISHED peeing on the potty. Her underwear was soaked, pee was on the floor, but we still made a big deal if she got pee in the toilet. Same with poop. Within 3 days she had no pee accidents. She is very much "candy" motivated since we hardly allow any sweets, so we used M&Ms. And she LOVES stickers, so we're doing stickers now just for poop.
With pooping, we did a # of things that helped that I tried after sticking to just Lora's method didn't seem to work. FIrst, we bought kids books about pottying/pooping. Once Upon a Potty and Where's the Poop really helped ease her fears of pooping on the toilet. We also stopped rewarding her for only peeing; we told her that she would only get treats when she put poop in the potty. Lastly, (and we only did the twice before she stopped having accidents) we gave her a short lukewarm bath after she pooped in her underwear or got any poop on her underwear.
Hope that helps. I would definitely go out and buy or check out kids potty books. There's tons and they will help get her more interested. Keep us posted!
Thank you so so much! I just needed to hear that more than anything. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of crying all the time!
As for rewards, she gets to pick a sticker for her sticker chart in the bathroom each time she goes and we also give her stickers for even getting a little bit in the potty, even when it started as an accident in her underwear. I'm trying to keep it as positive as possible for her. She gets M&M's too when she make it to the potty and doesn't have an accident. Every now and then we'll give her something a little bigger, like a Popsicle or something similar.
She has a potty book about a little girl who goes to the potty that she likes, but getting some new books may help keep her interested, she may just be bored with that one.
Does your daughter ever get made when you put her on the potty and she doesn't want to go, but you know she needs to go? My daughter does NOT like me telling her she needs to go and will cry and cry, but then she'll pee in the potty and I'll say, "Good job! See, you kept your panties dry. Let's get you a sticker!" She's always fine afterwards, but I admit that her protests keep me hesitant when it comes to putting her on the potty when I know she has to go, but she doesn't want to. Maybe this is the key?
It's such a guessing game!
It sounds like you're doing great and doing everything right - it definitely was not a 3 day process for us either and we're still in the thick of it (about 2.5 weeks in now). Daycare makes it much harder - even if daycare puts them on the potty ever 1.5 hours, doing that at home isn't necessarily going to work. My kid is SO different at home than she is at daycare (and NOT in a good way).
My daughter would also get REALLY upset whenever I'd make her sit on the potty, and most of the time if it was my idea she just wouldn't go. Sometimes she'd have an accident like a minute later too, so I know she actually did need to go... so I just stopped doing that, however she was different from your daughter in that wet undies DID upset her quite a bit. I think this weekend was the first time things actually clicked for her - it was the first time that she actually stopped what she was doing to tell me she had to go, or to go in there on her own, and the first time she went poop with no dramatics surrounding it. Now hopefully this week she can actually accomplish pooping at daycare too, one step at a time I guess.
You might consider trying just not saying anything about the potty for a day just to see what happens... someone posted on here that that was what really made a difference with their kid.
Good luck!
YES, with pooping. I had to stop trying to force it. I tried at first when i knew she had to poop but refused to. She would arch her back and lift her legs so I literally couldn't even sit her on the toilet. And then minutes later, she'd start pooping in her underwear. Just stay positive and don't force it.
Definitely switch up the books, and maybe try and switch up the rewards a little too. Try jelly beans and mini oreos for pee and poop, or something. And definitely push fluids--we gave our DD lots of beverages we never otherwise allow her--lemonade, juice, fruit punch--I was okay with this if it meant only 3 days. I also gave her prune juice (risky, I know) when I knew she was keeping her poop in. This did mean more accidents, but accidents =opportunities to learn, so that helped as well.
The other thing we did that I forgot to mention, was on Saturday when I knew she still had some poop to push out, I sat her on the toilet with my laptop in front of her and let her watch the little mermaid "kiss the girl" clip (one of her faves). She pooped while she was distracted from the scary business of pooping. I showered praise, we looked at her poop, had daddy come in to show off her poop in the potty, etc, and she got her reward. I did this another time when I knew she had to poop. The 3rd time she had to poop she sat down and requested it, and I told her she'd get to watch it as soon as she put poop in the potty. She looked at her potty books, pooped, and that was that.
Update me in a couple days---i really hope you find strategies that will help your daughter. But so far it sounds like you're doing everything right--I've heard lots of people say it took them close to a week to do the "3 day" method. Try varying things up a little, but stay positive and patient. Most people have success when they stop pushing it so much and their kids feel less pressure. That was my experience, too.
Thank you ladies so much! I truly feel better already just reading your experiences, phew! I just kept hearing about people who's kids got it right away, no problem and it was driving me CRAZY!
Do either of you think there would be any harm in putting a pull-up over her underwear at night so I don't have to wash sheets every day or do you think that would confuse her? I dread having to wash the sheets and blankets every day! :-)
I'm going to invest in some more books and lay off the poor child a little bit and see what happens. I'll update you for sure! Thanks again!!!
I would personally say no on the pullups. . . .you want your DD to think Diapers are gone forever.
We took off her bedspread & laid a couple layers of towels down over her sheets. We still washed the sheets, but you could just keep the fitted sheet on, lay down a bunch of towels, and then drape her with her blankies. It makes laundry a bit easier.
I also think that once she starts getting it during the day, you will probably start having less accidents at night. You could even come up with a separate reward for staying dry all night. This is what I've started doing to help encourage my DD.
That's a good idea about the towels, etc. Yes, I hate to go back to any kind of diaper after we've already taken them away.
I know this will all be worth it in the end, but I had no idea how hard it would be getting there! :-)
Yes! I think that's why I'm struggling so much. I keep going back and forth in my mind as to whether she's ready or not. If she is, I hate to revert back to diapers and potentially "undue" all the hard work we've already put into PT. If she's not ready, well then it sure would be nice to keep her in diapers for a few more months and try again with hopefully more successes. I honestly don't know what is right. :-(
I will say that her entire life, my daughter has been very quick to catch on to new things. I wouldn't say that she met any of her milestones exceptionally early, but she was definitely on-time with almost all of them. However, I know that doesn't mean that she'll figure out potty training with the same ease. My husband really wants to wait and try again later.
Ultimately, I'm afraid of putting her back in diapers then trying again in a few months to find that it's still a struggle and on top of it, she'll think if she continues to have a bunch of accidents Mommy & Daddy will let her keep her diapers.
She's 27 months old and can speak and communicate VERY well and was showing a lot of interest in the potty before we started the training.
All that being said, I think the most we'll let it go is another two weeks (1 month total of really trying). If we're still having the same issues I'm pretty comfortable in saying that she's just not ready and give everyone a break! :-)
I know a lot of people are saying she's not ready, and not to discredit how much easier things are when kids ARE ready, but according to the method, they don't need to have shown any previous interest in pting. They simply need to be at least 22 months old to be considered "ready."
I'm not saying Lora Jensen is flawless; but simply that the OP, by following the method, did not have to heed this advice as it wasn't relevant in the book.
OP, you make the decision, But it sounds like you REALLY don't want to just give up just yet. My DD had NO interest in the potty. She sounds like your DD; stubborn at first, but catches on quickly and once she decides she's got it, it clicks and there's really no turning back. I would say that it's likely you could have success in the next few days. It seems gradual, but in a lot of ways, it happens all of sudden; something clicks with them and things really take off.
IMO just being 22 months doesn't make a child ready to PT. There is a vast range of physical and emotional development at that age, so to say because a child is 22 months that they're ready to PT is ridiculous. Some kids will be, and some simply won't be, no matter how hard you try.
It sounds to me like your DD isn't ready. It really shouldn't make youb want to cry or make your DD so upset. Also I see that you're pg - most people I know who push PTing on a kid who isn't ready end up having to re-train their child because they regress when the new baby is born. It's actually a lot easier to have two kids in diapers than to have a newborn and constantly have to put a toddler on the potty.
I really appreciate the feedback from everyone. I think everyone has made some really great points.
UPDATE: Yesterday, after I picked up DD from school I decided I would just lay off and not even bother her with reminders. I had been reminding her all the time, so I knew the issue wasn't just that she would forget to go. Normally, in any given afternoon she will have between 7-10 accidents. Yesterday, she had 1. She went to the potty just about every single time she needed to go. All on her own. I kept my mouth shut and just let her do her thing. In addition, she stayed dry ALL NIGHT! I put her little potty next to her bed and went in around 3:30AM and helped her on it, she went potty and went right back to bed. This morning she woke up dry.
This was just one day, we'll see how today goes, but I must admit that yesterday made me more hopeful that she IS ready and really doesn't like her Mommy nagging and reminding her all the time about what she needs to do. Only time will tell, but I wanted to update you all because I really do appreciate everyone's advice and I'm so grateful for this community of great mothers!