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Multiples
Anyone else been sad about the gender of their twins?
This is a difficult thing to admit, and I feel badly about it, but I'm kind of disappointed about having two little boys.
For health and personal reasons, my husband and I had decided to rock the only child trend. I had come to terms with the idea that I would be a little sad about the gender I didn't get, but I'd be thrilled with either a boy or a girl. But then we found it was twins, and for a little while, I had the chance that I must just get to have them both after all! It was so exciting that I might get to experience parenting both genders, and even though I knew it wasn't a guarantee, I think I got a little too attached to that idea.
However, I recently learned that we are having two boys. I'm sad that my girl/boy dream team is gone and I'm a little apprehensive about having two sons. I'm so grateful that they look healthy, and I'm sure that after I get used to the idea I will love them very much, but I'd love to know I'm not alone. Has anyone else felt let down by the genders? Any moms of twin boys want to give me some encouragement?
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Re: Anyone else been sad about the gender of their twins?
This is an area that is a little bit taboo, I guess it's one of those things that a lot of people think about but don't say out loud. You might get some flames
But I do know what you mean. I was sure that my twins were a boy and a girl, and was a little bit disappointed when I found out it was two girls. Not because I didn't want two girls (I also would have loved having two boys), but because having two girls meant that I wouldn't have a son (yet - or maybe ever). I think it's something many parents go through even if (or especially if) they're having a singleton - it's the realization that you're having one gender (and thus, not the other) that is not so much about being sad that it's not what you wanted, but rather, that whatever you're getting, you're not getting something else. Does that make sense?
I could have written your post
We were in the no kids or one kid boat. Then when we found out we were having twins, I was thinking I would be having one of each since all the twins in my family are B/G. I think what you are feeling is normal and natural.
We have 2 boys. I was disappointed for a few minutes when we found out but then i kept telling myself that 2, 15 year old boys will be better than 2, 15 year old girls
I love my boys, but we arent having any more children and I am a bit sad that I wont have a mother daughter relationship with anyone (I dont have one with my mom) that I wanted.
Plus, the girls clothes are soo much cuter than baby boys!!
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These are normal feelings. People flame people who admit it all the time, but just because you had hoped for b/g, doesn't mean you don't value their health.
At our a/s this time, I was really sad to find out it was two girls because I already have a daughter. We're pretty sure we won't have any more. The disappointment isn't that we have 3 girls, but that we'll never parent a son.
The disappointment will ease up in time and once those boys get here, you won't be able imagine having anything different.
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No.
But if you were only planning on having one child anyway, you would have only had one option to begin with!
When we found out that our twins were both boys I was in disbelief, and more scared than anything. My family only has girls; men have to marry in! So I have very little experience with boys, and that made me nervous. Also the energy level with little boys is intimidating, and having two of them made me even more worried!
So far we're doing great though, and I love my boys. Everyone told/ tells me that little boys LOVE their mommies! The brother bond will be great too, and think of all the fun they'll have!
Nope, I can honestly say I would have been cool with any combination and I don't have any sadness about not having a girl. It took me a long time to get pregnant and I was so nervous my entire pregnancy I was just so insanely grateful that they made it here!
ETA: Not saying you aren't grateful yours are healthy, it just didn't bother me that that I won't have a daughter. I think I would have felt the same way if they would have both been girls.
I think I was disappointed for a quick second.
I thought for sure we were having boy/girl twins. When I was told they were both girls, I was little upset. I always envisioned having a big brother for kids first... probably bc I always wanted a brother myself.
That quickly passed though... honestly, now I couldn't be happier with my 2 girls. I couldn't imagine any other combo. God knows what He's doing.
It all works out for the best. In fact, I'm so incredibly happy with my girls, that if we were to have one more baby, I would be perfectly happy with another girl. Honest.
I have a friend with 3 boys... she said she couldn't envision having a girl. She feels like she's a "boys mom" and loves it that way. I'm sure she didn't feel like that before she had kids, but you grow to love what you have and become perfectly content with your family.
Don't be too hard on yourself now. Once you little boys are here, you wouldn't change them for the world.
I would say I had a moment of shock when I found out it was two boys. I just thought for sure I would have a daughter. I have know idea why.
We are now having baby number three, not to try for a girl, but because our family didn't feel complete at two. I have a lot of people say, "are you hoping for a girl?" While I think it would be nice to have a girl, I also think it would be nice for the boys to have a brother. I just wanted another baby.
It is completely fine to be sad and sort of just "eh" over it. With my first I WAS going to have a girl. Had I found out she was a boy, I would have had to take a LOT of time to get used to it. We found out with our second and were thrilled to give her a sister, but we decided to be surprised with our third. When they said "girl," I was like, "the wha?!?!" I had thought for sure that Claire would be a boy. I only had to look at my crying husband to know that three girls was just fine with him. And Claire is truly the most awesome, fun, wonderful kid. I can't imagine replacing her with a girl.
Now we're staring down the barrel of another a/s ultrasound and I am REALLY wanting b/b. Not because I don't want girls, but because if we have b/g, that poor kid may never have a brother! I don't know about more kids after 5. Maybe? I don't know. I really don't want b/g, since I'll just feel bad for the poor boy...and if we have a boy and are totally jazzed over HIM, what about the poor "4th girl?"
Knowing the sex ahead of time is hard any way you slice it. Lots to think about, BUT lots of time to get used to the idea. Hang in there - you'll have three wonderful men to love; more than any woman can ask for!
It took us 3 years, thousands of dollars and many procedures to get pregnant....so we would never be disappointed about gender. I actually hate how people say, "You're so lucky to have b/g twins. You get to be done after one pregnancy. 2 for the price of 1,etc."
Prior to our IF struggles, we planned to have 3-4 kids.... We finally got to a place where we would have been happy with one child, so getting pregnant w/twins was a bonus.
We are good friends with a couple who get pregnant the first time they try and when baby #2 was girl #2....they cried. They are now pg with #3 and they are praying for a boy. I even asked him if he was excited for #3 and he said, "Yeah, if it's a boy." I guess I don't get it...I never felt you like had children b/c of gender.
But, I guess those feelings are normal for people who didn't struggle with infertility.
Wedding Fall 2007 Off OCP's since 9/08-started with BBT charts Saw Ob/gyn May 2009 Blood work normal except single copy of MTHFR Clomid 50mg May 2009 Clomid 50mg + IUI June 2009 Femara 5mg + IUI July 2009 Normal HSG July 2009 Femara 5mg + ovidrel+IUI August 2009 Femara 5mg +ovidrel + IUI September 2009 November 2009-normal lap December 2009-met with RE December/January-Injectible med cycle with IUI-Abnormal sperm morpology found-only 0-1% normal All Head defects. Jan/Feb 2010 1st IVF with ICSI-5 week chemical pregnancy
Feb 2010-male infertility doc says DH's anatomy and blood work are normal so nothing he can do. 
FET July 2010-BFP! Twin m/c @ 5.5 wks 
Dec/Jan 2011 IVF #2 Only 4 eggs retrieved-Ganirelix dose messed up BFFN
Feb/March 2011 IVF #3 ER 3/9 9 eggs, 7 fertilized, ET 3/14, No frosties. BFN
IVF #4 ER 8/22 9R,7F ET 8/25-3 embies, 1 frostie! Beta 9/2= 54, 9/6=274, 9/8=625, 9/12=2953, 9/16 greater than 10,000. B/G TWINS born April 2012 @ 36wks & 1 day!
July 2014-going back for the frozen embryo! ET 7/28, heartbeat seen at 6wks1day with SCH. Miscarriage confirmed at 6wks4days
I'm a girly girl and wanted a daughter pretty badly. We found out our Baby A was a boy at 16 weeks and Baby B wouldn't show the goods. I had a hunch it was either B/G or B/B and I was really freaked that it would be B/B. Not that I wouldn't love a boy, but because I just didn't think I knew what to do with them. Even once they were here, I bonded faster with my DD because she's my mini-me.
I never thought I wanted a son but my DS has been the best blessing. He's sweet, gentle, kind and, oh, do boys love their mamas. Once I got to know him and know that some of the boy stuff that freaked me out (like bugs and dirt) is as much nurture as it is nature, I couldn't believe I never wanted a boy. They're low-drama and just love to build things and draw and are cool little people. And did I mention they love their mamas?
B/B means a band of brothers, and friends for life. I find myself thinking that, if I hadn't had B/G, I would have wanted B/B because little boys are awesome.
I could have written this exactly! I was SO sure I was having girls - I don't even have boy cousins!! So I think my 'disappointment' was more just a fear of the unknown. After getting used to the idea I started to get excited about having two sweet little boys that love their mama. I'm sure in a year I'll be thinking that I wouldn't have it any other way! My DH is thrilled too since he has a daughter from a previous marriage so helps me stay excited too. Just give yourself some time to get used to the idea and don't feel guilty about having mixed feelings.
i probably would have felt the same way if i'd found out i was having all girls.
anyway, let me just say that having boys is awesome. amazing. trust me, you'll see.
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During my first twin pregnancy I honestly didn't care what the sexes of the babies were. Like PP, we struggled with fertility so I just wanted babies. I figured if they were b/b or g/g they would be incredibly close; best friends. If they were b/g then I'd have a chance to parent a son and a daughter. I had a dream they were b/g and it came true! When I found out, I was ecstatic.
After losing my son and daughter and mourning the loss all of the plans I had for them, I'm struggling with how I feel about this set of twins. If I have both babies of one sex, I will have to come to terms with never fulfilling the dreams I had. But then again, if I have another boy and a girl they could never be a replacement. Then I get pissed at myself for seeming ungrateful about this unbelievable 2nd chance I'm getting. It's so difficult.
I have a three year old son and I wanted two boys. I just love little boys and little boy clothes, little boy antics, etc.
But i have two girls and I couldn't be happier. You will adjust : )
I was mad I was pregnant in the first place. Once I resigned myself to the fact that we were indeed having two more, I had this picture in my head that they would be identical little girls with dark hair and fair skin and dimples. Instead I got identical little boys with golden hair and olive skin and dimples. Hey, at least they got my dimples
My guys are amazing and I adore them. I really can't imagine them not being in our family. I am thankful that they were boys now, one girl is all I can handle!
This exactly - Were a lil diff in that we were just so excited that we had health babies ( we waited to find out till they were born ) but were sure it was a Boy Girl combo and TA DA 2 Girls and MY WIFE AND I are in love with them and swoon every day - In just a few days they will be one ... Yes I long for a boy more so than she does i think ... but I dont know if that is a 2 mom issue ?
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While discussing the topic of children, DH and I decided that two would be the perfect number for us. I say this now that our twins are confirmed boys so I doubt I would, but if we were to have a boy and girl I would consider having a third. I really dislike the whole "Wow two of each, that's perfect" statement that gets thrown around. Also, I have fallen in love with the idea of sisters and of brothers.
So when we found out we were expecting twins, I had my fingers crossed for b/b or g/g. I feel like if we were expecting b/g my feelings would be similar to yours. Gender Disappointment isn't a bad thing as long as you don't hold resentment toward your children.
Like I said earlier my twins are boys. I'm really looking forward to the brotherly love.
I will admit I was disappointed when I found out I was having two boys. Even after struggling with IF and several losses. I do have a DD (she is much older) and I just always felt like I would have another girl. In fact, our one loss was a girl (we had testing done). So I was just always "sure" that I would have another girl. I did want a boy though too - for DH especially, so I was really hoping for b/g when we found out it was twins. Of course, the most important thing is to have healthy, take-home babies.
My BFF has all girls, so that, plus my own DD is really all I know. I have no clue about boys! But, after a little bit I got used to the idea and now I can't wait to meet my little guys. I still have no clue what to expect with boys, but I guess I'll figure it out!
This comment drives me nuts! I always reply that I am so lucky to have a happy, healthy family and that I would be grateful for the opportunity to raise any child. When I found out I was going to have twins, gender was the least of my concerns.
I will never understand people who have "gender disappointment". As if the sex of a child determines their likes, dislikes, and personality. For all I know, my daughter will be a sports-obsessed tomboy and my son will want to cook or act in plays. To me, the best part of being a parent is watching these amazing little people grow up.
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I don't think gender issues are resigned to just those that havent gone through IF. With my first, I just wanted a baby. With the twins, I was, for some reason, hoping for two boys, even though I just wanted healthy babies....I knew that ultimately, I would love them so much anyways. And I went through worse infertility struggles with the twin pregnancy. I have DOR which is honestly for me, premature ovarian failure bc I was/am so young for this diagnosis. Because of this I didn't think I would get pregnant again, let alone with twins on clomid....simply bc the egg quality is typically not as good..its harder to find a good egg. And, I was someone that did not want multiples. My husband and I wanted another child though, and we figured that if the stars aligned and we got twins, of course we would deal with it. So in summary, I didn't really want twins, and was sort of hoping for two boys, but now, I freaking love the fact that I have two whole babies now : ). I feel really lucky, and love the fact that they are girls too.
Thank you for all the thoughtful replies - I really did find them helpful. I hope it came across that I do believe that I will love these little boys to bits, I was just sort of startled by how keenly I felt the loss of parenting a daughter. It is good to hear that boys have their own joys, and that in a year, I bet I will wonder why I ever felt this way at all.
Baaaa ha ha ha ha ha! Oh for sure!
We were dissappointed, we wanted two boys. Our plan was to raise them in Europe (which we're doing anyway), send them to brutal hockey camps in Russia and Sweden and then pop them into the NHL to give the Sideen twins a run for their money!
Buuuuuttt, we've got two girls (who we wouldn't trade for the world!) and we still intend to force them into the NHL (against their will if necessary) anyway.
Good for you for having the guts to admit it, but understand that this feeling will pass and you're going to be a wonderful mum to two little boys and these feelings will go away.
Or you could end up one of those creepy moms on some reality tv show that raises their boys as girls and puts them on toddlers and tiaras. Who knows?