The longer I'm in this waiting game, the cooler it gets.

jwpbride · June 2012

Maybe that's a bizarre thing to say. It's frustrating to wait, and sometimes discouraging to see people who have been waiting for less time than you get matched while you still wait, but it has seriously opened my eyes to see how awesome adoption is.

I know that our baby will come to us exactly when s/he's supposed to- or else it's not our baby. Just like with our biological son, if I had gotten pregnant any sooner or any later, that baby wouldn't be Noah.

It just blows my mind how each adoption story is so unique and amazing: We got a call last week about a baby that needed a family and after much prayer and talking, we took our names out of the hat for her. It was hard, but we didn't feel like she was "our child" for multiple reasons. Fast forward to this week and I hear of a family in our town and our agency who WAS pursuing that baby (the baby was in custody of the agency and therefore the agency would be choosing the family) and I got very excited for them- AND I was stoked that I would somehow be able to hear how this sweet baby's story ended up.

Yesterday we heard that the family in town were not chosen for this baby. Within 10 minutes of hearing this news and being heartbroken, the mom of this family called her (our) agency to tell her the news that they were not matched. Our agent listened to her cry and comforted her- and then gave her the news that she had just walked out of a meeting with a birth mother who had chosen them! How cool is that? At the exact time they were getting the sad news about that first baby, they were being chosen for their baby!

I guess I am just amazed at how it all works out- and LOVE hearing everyone's stories!- and the longer we wait, the more I try to fight being anxious and try to enjoy this ride. This sounds odd, but it's almost like getting married- you wait and wait and plan and plan for the day and then suddenly it has come and gone! I am hoping that I can start to really try not to wish this time away. We will get the call when we get the call and for now I'm going to try to just prepare our home and our hearts and enjoy this last bit of time we have as a family of 3.

Sorry if this post is random to the max, I just wanted to share and I hope the story encourages those of us who are waiting!

erinmc1 · June 2012

I know what you mean. We're submitting our profiles for a baby boy tomorrow, and it took a lot of soul searching to decide if we were open to his situation. And each situation we've been presented with, we had to decide what our deal-breakers were, and learn a little more about ourselves. So even if we're not chosen, we know what it's like to deal with that disappointment, and how to move on and be optimistic for the next call, and whatever situation it brings. If it isn't meant to be for us, someone else's family was built instead. That's a pretty excellent consolation.

kmkaull2 · June 2012

Wow, that's an awesome story!

I agree with you. Waiting is hard, but it makes the outcome a million times more worthwhile. :-) You have a wonderful attitude.

lafayettegirl · June 2012

I wish I could feel this way, but we don't even know that we (or anyone else on our waiting list) are being shown to anyone. I know only of one time our profile was shown and that was back in February. We don't get any info on whether birthmoms are even seeing our profile.

I would feel happy for people who are being matched, but since the waiting list we are on has not had any matches (it has only grown longer), it is hard to keep the right perspective. In fact, it feels like really, really, really hard work to keep the positive attitude that you have. I wish I could more easily look at it the way you do.

We're looking at using a consultant to get our profile shown more widely, so maybe that will help get my attitude going in the right direction. Right now, this is almost worse than the IVF. At least with IVF something was happening, even if it was negative. At least we could see the other couples in the clinic and share in their emotions. With this, we've got nothing except this board...which is getting harder and harder to visit.

Sorry to be a Debby Downer.

potatohead · June 2012

This is exactly the way I have been feeling, too. Even though there are situations we aren't chosen for, I know that it's because it's not the right match and there is another family that is the perfect match. Every time we know we're being shown, though, it is difficult to NOT get excited about the possibility. It's just a matter of leaving it in God's hands, knowing we're not in control, and trusting that our time will come. How exciting! It could be any moment, and like you, we are choosing to enjoy the small things until that moment.

jwpbride · June 2012

lafayettegirl:
In fact, it feels like really, really, really hard work to keep the positive attitude that you have. I wish I could more easily look at it the way you do.

Oh, it's IS hard work! It's a definite conscience effort every day and I still cry randomly- I'm just trying to think of it in a new perspective.

We don't hear when we're shown to BM's either. That's crazy that the waiting list keeps getting longer! Is there another agency nearby that you could work with? That's a great idea about the consultant!

silliestbunny · July 2012

I love this post.... most people can't see through the grey cloud until their baby meets them. That was me... It was terribly hard to wait and I didn't "get" that my baby was for our family and ours alone. I am not normally a weepy person but this one gets me... the idea that if any of the failed matches had worked out, my babies might not be mine... because I feel so intensely attached to them. I would wait a thousand more months if I had to knowing how right they are for me/us

The longer I'm in this waiting game, the cooler it gets.

Re: The longer I'm in this waiting game, the cooler it gets.

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