how valuble is a doula?

littleBabyC17 · July 2012

I know that for some people, a doula can mean the difference between having the natural birth they want and not...
Well as a first timer, I'm wondering if a doula is something I absolutely need. Here is my situation:
I have a very supportive husband, who is as excited about natural birth as I am. We have researched pretty extensively (but also still have time and more classes to take and books to read if you have any suggestions). We are a good team and communicate well, even under pressure. He is my only family here- since we are living in NC right now, where he is stationed. We are in a predominately military town, but we will be using a civilian hospital. My concerns are that doctors here commonly suggest Cesarians planned in advance and are quick to do whatever get the baby out fast and the young population here is just fine with that.
I guess the main reason I don't want a doula is that I like the idea of this experience being mostly between my husband and I. I don't want him to feel overshadowed by someone who knows more, when I think he will be a wonderful support.
Sorry for the long post- I would just love experienced input. I am trying to not be naive or romanticize what I know will be difficult mentally, physically and emotionally.
Thanks in advance!!!

sschwege · July 2012

This is one of those things where you could really only answer in hindsight.

I guess for us, a doula would not have been worth it and I'm glad we didn't spend money on one. But I spent money on a good class, practiced/researched a lot and had a supportive DH and MIL with me. I think one of the biggest factors is whether your provider and hospital will be supportive. I was fortunate that I delivered in a hospital known for being very pro-natural childbirth (they didn't even recommend a saline lock, if that tells you anything). If I did not have a hospital like this one, I would have hired a doula. I think it's nice to have someone who will 'go to bat' for you when it comes to hospital staff. Again it's just one of those things you don't know until you are in the situation. I wouldn't worry about her overshadowing your husband, from what I've read most women say that she is there to support you and your husband, not take your husband's place.

robertandmegangriffin · July 2012

I am a FTM as well, and it was one of my concerns that I expressed when hiring our doula-that this be an experience for me and my husband, not a distraction. She explained to me that providing the best experience for the both of us is what she strives for, and my DH and I have discussed the fact that neither of us have been through anything like this before and having someone in the room for support would be very beneficial for us. I think it is a very personal choice, and like a PP said-we won't really know if she was needed or not until after the fact. I would suggest you do what's comfortable for you. If you and your DH feel prepared enough to go it alone, there's no reason not to. I would also suggest interviewing a doula or two though-just in case.

robyn2201 · July 2012

We had a doula for DD's birth and I don't feel like she came between dh and I at all. In fact, I think her presence allowed dh to be there for me more than if she hadn't been there. She set up the music and birth ball, gave my nurse the birth plan, got me water and honey sticks and dh food. She also did so much more like, pressing a tennis ball in my back, words of encouragement, taking pictures, talking to the hospital staff, and suggesting different positions. I think if she had not been there dh would have had to leave my side and do a lot of those things himself.

And like sschwege said, depending on your hospital and how NB friendly it is can make a big difference. My hospital wasn't very NB friendly and I think coming in with a doula spoke volumes and the staff knew that we really were determined to have a NB.

Ultimately, it's a decision that only you can make based upon your own personal situation. It's definitely possible to have a NB in a hospital without a doula but I can say having a doula was wonderful. I can't wait to have her at this LO's birth.

RissKay · July 2012

robertandmegangriffin:
I am a FTM as well, and it was one of my concerns that I expressed when hiring our doula-that this be an experience for me and my husband, not a distraction. She explained to me that providing the best experience for the both of us is what she strives for, and my DH and I have discussed the fact that neither of us have been through anything like this before and having someone in the room for support would be very beneficial for us. I think it is a very personal choice, and like a PP said-we won't really know if she was needed or not until after the fact. I would suggest you do what's comfortable for you. If you and your DH feel prepared enough to go it alone, there's no reason not to. I would also suggest interviewing a doula or two though-just in case.

My sister is a doula, and this is her philosophy. She says she's there for support for mom and dad, and will do whatever she can to give them the experience they want.

I'm in the same boat as you, DH 100% on board, he's all I have here in town.... and we're getting a doula (if we can find one! sheesh!) We want the support one can give. Especially in a hospital setting.

AmyRI · July 2012

In my situation, I was glad I hadn't spent the money on a doula. My labor was less than 8 hours long, took place without complications, in a hospital that is relatively natural birth friendly (despite high epi rate).

However, I can absolutely see the value if labor is very long or if you are struggling in any way, especially at a hospital that likes scheduled c-sections. There's just no way to know for sure until it's over. They are not there to overshadow your DH, just to provide him support. What if your labor is 20+ hours long? Your DH is going to need breaks to get meals and go to the bathroom at a minimum. I know if it was dragging on that long for me, I'd want DH to rest a bit, too, even if I couldn't. Then the doula steps in as your support person. If that's not needed, a doula can focus on dealing with the hospital staff while your DH helps support you. A doula can also suggest ways for DH to help, or different coping mechanisms for you if you start to struggle. I think it depends on the personality of a doula, but I can see how one would be beneficial. Once the baby is born, you and your DH will bond with him/her no matter who is in the room. You block everything else out.

littleBabyC17 · July 2012

Thank you all SO much for your stories and advice. I think we will meet with a doula and see if we can find one that would be a good fit.

PansyPants · July 2012

I hired a doula fully intending to only call her if I felt that I needed an advocate at the hospital. I wanted it to be just my husband and I, I wanted it to be private, and I felt shy about having someone else there.

Several hours into labor I needed her. I needed more than my husband had left to give me. His energy was running low and I needed more support, more change and more encouragement that he was able to provide after giving me everything he had for so long.

So we called my doula and she was there to rub my back, to challenge the nurses/doctors interpretation of hospital policy, and to get me in the tub where I was able to work through the last hours of labor. I would have been able to deliver without her, but it would have been a lot harder and I may have gotten an epi to sleep.

I'm very glad we had her when I needed that extra encouragement and my husband needed to sit down.

tokenhoser · July 2012

Having a doula gave me the confidence to labour at home (I arrived at the hospital fully dilated; on my own, I would have gone in 2-3 hours sooner). She showed DH how to push on my hips and back and be effective. She and he swapped places so that I could have that pressure on BOTH places at once, which is physically impossible for one person to provide. She stayed with me in admitting while DH parked the car. She was a calm presence in the delivery room and encourage me to move around and keep pushing.

I had a pretty quick, smooth delivery and I'm still glad she was a part of it. DH says we're hiring her again next time. Wink

nurrieum · July 2012

We're delivering at a hospital that isn't the most natural birth friendly. We chose a doula to help be an advocate for my wishes so that my DH can simply focus on supporting me as well as someone who has the wisdom to help assure me and calm me down if an intervention needs to take place. My situation is different because my doula is someone I've known for years and not someone I'm just meeting. However a good doula is able to step back and let you and your husband experience this epic moment together but can also help ensure you are being properly advocated for and can help take some of the stress off of your husband when it comes to communicating with hospital personnel. I think it allows it to be more intimate for you too because your simply focusing on you. Also the support a doula can provide your DH can be incredibly helpful as well. Labor can be long and depending on what's going on- a guy can feel helpless despite being your coach. So a doula can be an encouragement to him as well and not a third party interloper.

fyziksgirl · July 2012

You sound a lot like me in your relationship with your husband. My DH is also extremely supportive, we communicate well, and he is my rock. We also wanted a special experience of just us. But at about 34 weeks we hired a doula.

And when it was over? My husband said that was the best money we ever spent.

Some things to think on -

-Your husband is not a movie character, which means he will need to eat, drink, and pee at some point during your labor. My labor involved REALLY intense back labor for which I NEEDED a heat pack applied throughout the whole contraction or I lost it. Having a doula meant that even when my husband had to step out, I was covered.

-Some things a support person does are tiring. My husband and doula traded off holding and moving a showerhead on my back reaching around a closed shower door for hours because during transition that was the only way I could cope and I needed the door closed for heat.

-Your husband has never done this before. My husband was great and supportive and wanted natural birth before I did, but when the time comes, it is HARD to watch the person you love in pain and to wonder if there is more you could be doing! When we were finishing laboring at home, about to head to the birth center, my DH called our doula to tell her to meet us there. She talked him down because he was about to lose it because I was having such a hard time and he felt like he was failing. At the birth center there were several times when I was losing it or he was worried and he just looked at our doula and she told him or communicated to him that everything was alright, he was doing great, and this was all normal. That was invaluable to letting him be the support person I needed. (I didn't know about all this until the end, I was so lost in labor land I missed their communications completely!) My husband still was my main support person, the doula we hired understood that her role was more to support him in supporting me, because that's what we wanted!

-Your doula may provide support before or after the birth that shouldn't be discounted! My doula was an amazing support for me when baby girl was breech at 35 weeks and I was being told that in my area that basically meant an automatic c-section. She was a wealth of information and calmed me down considerably. She was an amazing support again as I approached 42 weeks and was facing a transfer and hospital induction with strangers (something due to my anxiety disorder was my biggest fear). She was an amazing support again after the birth when baby girl lost 13% of her body weight and I was afraid if I was sent to a ped they'd say I had to supplement with formula. I didn't plan on any of those things when I hired her, but that support made the end of my pregnancy and beginning of my motherhood so much smoother!

Overall, I would ABSOLUTELY recommend hiring a doula! It was a fantastic thing, and we will never do it without one.

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