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Two Under 2
Blatant Favortism by GPs....long
Any suggestions on how to deal with blatant favoritism by grandparents. We have two little girls, DD1 is 22 months (GD2), DD2 is 5 months (GD3). My husband's brother and wife have one little girl who is almost 3 (GD1). The ILs have blatant favoritism to GD1.
My MIL watched GD1 from 3 months until about 11 months old 3 days a week. MIL was going to watch GD2 but not long after GD2 arrives, MIL tells us she has anxiety problems and so we decide that we won't have her watch GD2 at all, which is totally fine. However she seems to get over her anxiety issues when it comes to occasional babysitting of GD1. She will watch her at their house, has had a few overnights and now this past weekend they took GD1 from Friday night through Sun afternoon.
When we mention babysitting the girls my MIL gets all uptight and hims and haws about it being too much. She says that GD1 is older so it is so much easier and how she freaks out about the baby and SIDS and that GD2 is so much work.
Our girls are some of the best kids ever. DD2 has slept through the night since birth basically. DD1 is very fun and silly and smiles all the time. She is 22 months so there is normal toddler behavior but nothing that is bad. She listens very well and responds to time outs/discipline.
The biggest problem I am having is that I feel a ton of resentment towards my ILs now and it is causing problems as my husband sees the issues but isn't as bothered by them.
We have also tried to just have them at our house more to spend time with the girls but they don?t show a lot of desire and usually have something else to do. The worst part is that they make backhanded comments all the time that are totally contradictory to how they act. For instance, ?We miss the girls so much!!? ?We want to spend more time with them? but then when we try to set something up they don?t want to, or it doesn?t fit into their schedule and blah blah blah.
My husband tried to talk to MIL about how we'd like them to be in the girls lives more. She just turned it around and blamed us for not being available, which is totally untrue. The times when we weren't available is because you called us at 8pm, the girls go to bed at 7:30, we can't do anything when they are in bed!!!
I am at my wits end with all of this, it stresses me out and I am so annoyed with them and its beginning to come out in front of them.
And this has been going on since before we had DD2 so it isn't the fact that there are 2 now. We've even asked about them just watching one of them, but its always a big to do and there is so much resistence that we just don't pursue it further.
It was a long road for our family...our 3 angels in heaven are always watching over us!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Blatant Favortism by GPs....long
Unfortunately it is what it is. My MIL favors the boys more than the girls and there really isn't anything I can do about it. She started taking DS1 on mini vacations upstate when he was 10 months old, started taking both DS1 and DS2 upstate when DS2 was 18 months old (he was a late walker)... Well DD1 comes along, she didn't get to go upstate until after she turned 3 (she takes them several times a year). I understand 3 kids is a lot so we offered for her to take just DD1, or maybe DS2 and DD1, and she said "I could never leave DS1 or DS2 behind! It makes me sad, but there are plenty of other grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends that love all of them, and that's what we have to focus on.
I'm sorry that there does seem to be favoritism going on. But exactly as the PP said there is nothing you can do about. It may be impossible to stop stressing about it, but it isn't worth your time. Why would you want your kids spending time with someone who doesn't really want to spend time with them? And really even if you "say" something to the grandparents or try to have an adult conversation, the chances are that a larger void will grow and they may begin to resent you guys.
Good luck and hang in there!!
Is GD1 her daughter's child or son's child? If it's a daughter, it can be her relationship with her own daughter that has created a closer relationship with GD1. ***Edit to add: oops sorry, just read your post again and see this is their son's kid. Never mind this part!
Also, as a first grandchild myself, I do feel that there is a special bond that isn't there with the other grandkids. I also see this with my mom and DS - my mom pretty much says there is no need for me to have any more kids!! I definitely laugh it off but feel there is a little bit of truth to what she says.
And lastly, I can totally relate to the BS of "I miss LO! I can't wait to see him/her/them" and then no follow through. I feel almost like - do I look like an idiot? Clearly if you missed DS you would make the time to see him like the people who really want to see him do. Stop playing me like a fool - I'm on to you. This goes on with my dad and SM and it's so darn annoying...I hate speaking to them on the phone cause they say it every time (we talk about once per week). They haven't been to my house since March.
I do wonder about the 1st grandchild thing too. And it really breaks my heart even more because we actually were pregnant with the first grandchild only to lose it and then 2 more to miscarriages before my beautiful DD1 was born. I know I still struggle with the babies I lost and that other people don't even think about it.