Just a question...

Nesting.Away · June 2012

If you didn't post on IF, why would PAIF seem more appropriate of a place to post than say 1st Tri?

Just curious as to some of the posters coming to PAIF.

EAMommy · June 2012

Personally I have another infertility board that I'm very active on (I didn't know there was an infertility board on the bump). However, there aren't many active pregnant women on my other board so this one suits my needs better!

happilyeverafterxo · June 2012

I intro'd here today, and am probably who you are referring to...I hope that I'm not upsetting anyone. If I shouldn't be posting here I'd be more than happy to honor that request.

In my mind, the board title means you are pregnant after experiencing infertility...I was not an active poster on the IF board, though I did lurk. I didn't think that the IF board was a pre-requisite to posting here, but if it is, I'm sorry for imposing, and like I said earlier, I don't want to upset anyone...so I will not post here if that is the case.

vanessagorc · June 2012

Nesting.Away:
If you didn't post on IF, why would PAIF seem more appropriate of a place to post than say 1st Tri?
Just curious as to some of the posters coming to PAIF.

I've wondered this too. Not to offend people, but truly curious. It was designed as the next place to go, after the IF board. But has changed since I was here w my first loss.

Nesting.Away · June 2012

happilyeverafterxo:
I intro'd here today, and am probably who you are referring to...I hope that I'm not upsetting anyone. If I shouldn't be posting here I'd be more than happy to honor that request.
In my mind, the board title means you are pregnant after experiencing infertility...I was not an active poster on the IF board, though I did lurk. I didn't think that the IF board was a pre-requisite to posting here, but if it is, I'm sorry for imposing, and like I said earlier, I don't want to upset anyone...so I will not post here if that is the case.

You did spur my curiosity, but it most definitely has not been only you. I was just curious as to what the reasons may be. Good luck to you!

Jeep Doll · June 2012

I posted on GP before coming here and we had our own IF support threads and I am really close with the community over there. I did lurk sometimes on IF but didn't actively post. Figured this is the only PAIF board and anyone could post here after going through IF.

Mrs.AmyDylan · June 2012

I lurked on IF, but I have a very good friend IRL who is going through IF and we have really supported each other, much like you all do on the IF board. Since my IVF was successful and my friend failed her IVF back in January (she is cycling again beginning next week), I want to be sensitive to her continuted struggle.

I've had questions and celebrations that are preg related that I'm not ready to ask/tell my other friends that don't know about our IF journey. I found that the fertility drug questions and early u/s not applicable on the January board or 1st tri. I also don't feel like a normal pregnant lady because after two years of our IF journey, I worry so much more about something going wrong (and usually someone else asks my exact question before I have a chance!)

And most importantly, I love how everyone on the board is so joyful at bring pregnant! I haven't heard b!tching about baby daddy/morning sickness/gaining weight, etc. I appreciate how supportive everyone is of every little milestone. Sorry if I butted in to this board, but it feels so much more like home than any other board I've checked out. Thanks for letting me be part of the joy and celebration of PAIF!

Jezebell26 · June 2012

I wasnt very active on IF because 3T was my home. I found it hard to make the transition but I slowly did as I needed more experience and advice. I personally don't feel like I fit in on first tri and even the BMBs as most of those girls did not struggle or go through IF treatments, most importantly IVF. It is hard for me to relate to a lot of other girls who are "normal" and don't see a RE, so they don't even get betas or don't get an u/s till 8-10 weeks and only see an OB. I also followed a lot of your stories on 3T, IF and IFV.

mandalinn25 · June 2012

I was active on both 3T and IF, I think 3T gals coming here is just as valid as IF ones. They are basically the same struggles.

But to be honest I don't care if they didn't post on either as long as they truly did go through treatments. Maybe they didn't find this board until they were pregnant. It just isn't that big of a deal IMO.

tombomb84 · June 2012

I posted almost exclusively on 3T for about a year. I came to this board because #1 I recognize a lot of the ladies here from 3T and #2 after going through IF I am finding it extremely difficult to connect with those that had no trouble getting KU.

I think going through IF gives you a different perspective and appreciation for being pregnant and it is nice to connect with other people that understand that, regardless of whether or not they posted on the IF board.

amandaleigh1 · June 2012

My "main" board used to be TTC >35, and when it was finally time to do a treatment to get the show on the road, so to speak, I posted on IF a little bit. I wasn't there long though, because I was a lucky one, my first IVF worked. So, I felt a little bit like I jumped right in over here.

I like PAIF better than pg >35 because I relate a little more to people who have made it through IF than someone who is on their 3rd pregnancy and either had an oops or tried for 1 month before getting KU. Not that that describes everyone over on PG > 35, but it does have a lot of those.

But I guess to some, I might seem like a bit of an outsider, too. My opinion is this on posting on PAIF: if you experienced IF and you are now PG, you should be free to post here, regardless of past board participation. I have a more inclusive attitude, I guess.

byrne15 · June 2012

tombomb84:

I posted almost exclusively on 3T for about a year. I came to this board because #1 I recognize a lot of the ladies here from 3T and #2 after going through IF I am finding it extremely difficult to connect with those that had no trouble getting KU.

I think going through IF gives you a different perspective and appreciation for being pregnant and it is nice to connect with other people that understand that, regardless of whether or not they posted on the IF board.

same here...I was on 3T and 2IF. I also had trouble connecting with people on 1st tri since a lot of the post were about accidental pregnancies and stuff I didn't care to read about.

sbrowns08 · June 2012

I posted on 3T for 17 months and occasionally posted on IF. I post here because many of the women I connected with are here, and this board is a place where other pregnant women can relate to pregnancy after IVF.

ancp27 · June 2012

I did post on IF but not very often. I have been a little more active here only because I have more questions being that I've never been pregnant before.

pb_bride · June 2012

I lurked on the IF board but my very first post on TB was here, making an intro. I guess I'm an outsider. I guess I didn't feel the need to post about my IF; but once I got pg, I really needed support here to help me get through 1st trimester. The ladies here on PAIF board have been nothing but supportive and welcoming; and it was so nice to be able to talk about my fears and concerns here since we didn't share our IF journey with anyone IRL (except our parents who vaguely knew we were getting "help").

tgreenf · June 2012

This!

tgreenf · June 2012

tombomb84:
I posted almost exclusively on 3T for about a year. I came to this board because #1 I recognize a lot of the ladies here from 3T and #2 after going through IF I am finding it extremely difficult to connect with those that had no trouble getting KU.
I think going through IF gives you a different perspective and appreciation for being pregnant and it is nice to connect with other people that understand that, regardless of whether or not they posted on the IF board.

This! (Sorry hit reply vs quote)

4legsRbest · July 2012

mandalinn25:

I was active on both 3T and IF, I think 3T gals coming here is just as valid as IF ones. They are basically the same struggles.

But to be honest I don't care if they didn't post on either as long as they truly did go through treatments. Maybe they didn't find this board until they were pregnant. It just isn't that big of a deal IMO.

100% this. I am also on PgAL and there are plenty of women there who never posted on TTCAL but are welcomed with open arms as a loss is a loss and they still need/give support.

eponine7682 · July 2012

mandalinn25:
I was active on both 3T and IF, I think 3T gals coming here is just as valid as IF ones. They are basically the same struggles.
But to be honest I don't care if they didn't post on either as long as they truly did go through treatments. Maybe they didn't find this board until they were pregnant. It just isn't that big of a deal IMO.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. However, I also think that people believe that IF is having a hard time conceiving after a few months, or having a diagnosis before TTC then it only taking them less then a year without treatments. Sorry, I don't think taking a 1 dose of clomid qualifies over all the treatments many of us have had to endure. That might be flameworthy, but it's just MHO.

amandaleigh1 · July 2012

eponine7682:
mandalinn25:
I was active on both 3T and IF, I think 3T gals coming here is just as valid as IF ones. They are basically the same struggles.
But to be honest I don't care if they didn't post on either as long as they truly did go through treatments. Maybe they didn't find this board until they were pregnant. It just isn't that big of a deal IMO.
I agree wholeheartedly with this. However, I also think that people believe that IF is having a hard time conceiving after a few months, or having a diagnosis before TTC then it only taking them less then a year without treatments. Sorry, I don't think taking a 1 dose of clomid qualifies over all the treatments many of us have had to endure. That might be flameworthy, but it's just MHO.

By the same token, I also think it is quite possible to have experienced IF, never pursued treatments, and eventually gotten pregnant. Which in my mind would "qualify" a person for posting on this board, though they may not choose to. But I agree in principle, impatience does not equal IF.

I am a little uncomfortable with a requirement of having had some kind of treatment or that lesser treatments (such as using clomid one time or other less invasive means of achieving pregnancy) somehow disqualifies one from posting on this board.

HayGirl5 · July 2012

mandalinn25:

I was active on both 3T and IF, I think 3T gals coming here is just as valid as IF ones. They are basically the same struggles.

But to be honest I don't care if they didn't post on either as long as they truly did go through treatments. Maybe they didn't find this board until they were pregnant. It just isn't that big of a deal IMO.

This!

I was under the impression that this board was for people who have gotten pregnant after experiencing IF. I didn't realize that it was a prerequisite to have posted on the IF board. I personally did not discover the IF board until I was going through my IVF cycle. I lurked there and on 3T frequently (which gave me a lot of support and info), but I guess I was nervous to post because I had never really posted on a message board before. It wasn't until a little while after my BFP that I felt comfortable intro-ing and posting.

tombomb84 · July 2012

katie599:
mandalinn25:

I was active on both 3T and IF, I think 3T gals coming here is just as valid as IF ones. They are basically the same struggles.

But to be honest I don't care if they didn't post on either as long as they truly did go through treatments. Maybe they didn't find this board until they were pregnant. It just isn't that big of a deal IMO.

This!

I was under the impression that this board was for people who have gotten pregnant after experiencing IF. I didn't realize that it was a prerequisite to have posted on the IF board. I personally did not discover the IF board until I was going through my IVF cycle. I lurked there and on 3T frequently (which gave me a lot of support and info), but I guess I was nervous to post because I had never really posted on a message board before. It wasn't until a little while after my BFP that I felt comfortable intro-ing and posting.

IMO posting on the IF board is definitely not a prerequisite for posting on this board. It's a public forum and personally I see no reason to make people feel excluded or not welcome if they are pregnant after infertility, just because they didn't post on the IF board.

mandalinn25 · July 2012

And I am truly sorry if my opinion pisses some people off. I just don't see the need to tell others they aren't welcome here if they have suffered from IF. I guess some think even I don't belong because I only had to do IVF once, but that is on them not me. I still suffered from IF for five years, did three d-IUI's and went through a ton. Just getting to the mental point of being able to use donor sperm was one of the hardest things to go through.

Now I admit I didn't see the thread that prompted this one, so I can't speak on that. I just don't feel it is my right to judge someone else's journey and what is "bad" enough to post here. But again, that is my opinion.

EAMommy · July 2012

mandalinn25:
And I am truly sorry if my opinion pisses some people off. I just don't see the need to tell others they aren't welcome here if they have suffered from IF. I guess some think even I don't belong because I only had to do IVF once, but that is on them not me. I still suffered from IF for five years, did three d-IUI's and went through a ton. Just getting to the mental point of being able to use donor sperm was one of the hardest things to go through.
Now I admit I didn't see the thread that prompted this one, so I can't speak on that. I just don't feel it is my right to judge someone else's journey and what is "bad" enough to post here. But again, that is my opinion.

Thank you.

I just recently joined this group after finding out I was pregnant after 3 1/2 years of trying. We went through a ton--financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I've felt so excluded from so many things in the past 3 1/2 years and now I find that some feel I should also be excluded from gaining support here simply because I wasn't part of the IF group on here first?

Sorry but that doesn't sit well with me. I honestly didn't know the bump had an infertility group. I thought it was strictly pregnancy. As I stated above, I am an active member in another IF support group, and continue to be active in that group as I continue to support others who are still struggling.

There is nothing on the forum that indicates this is an exclusive group. And, again as I stated above, the other forums here (trimester groups/BMB) don't give me the same type of support that this board, with others who understand pregnancy after IF, gives me.

eponine7682 · July 2012

amandaleigh1:
eponine7682:
mandalinn25:
I was active on both 3T and IF, I think 3T gals coming here is just as valid as IF ones. They are basically the same struggles.
But to be honest I don't care if they didn't post on either as long as they truly did go through treatments. Maybe they didn't find this board until they were pregnant. It just isn't that big of a deal IMO.
I agree wholeheartedly with this. However, I also think that people believe that IF is having a hard time conceiving after a few months, or having a diagnosis before TTC then it only taking them less then a year without treatments. Sorry, I don't think taking a 1 dose of clomid qualifies over all the treatments many of us have had to endure. That might be flameworthy, but it's just MHO.
By the same token, I also think it is quite possible to have experienced IF, never pursued treatments, and eventually gotten pregnant. Which in my mind would "qualify" a person for posting on this board, though they may not choose to. But I agree in principle, impatience does not equal IF.
I am a little uncomfortable with a requirement of having had some kind of treatment or that lesser treatments (such as using clomid one time or other less invasive means of achieving pregnancy) somehow disqualifies one from posting on this board.

Sorry, my wording was a tad off. I meant to those who may have a dx prior to TTC but only TTC for a few months and got pregnant on clomid. Sorry, but people with random diagnoses get pregnant on there own all the time. I have several people in my life who are proof of that. So, while I do think that just taking clomid to get pregnant is a whole different kind of journey then many of us who have had to do more invasive treatments, if you have been trying over a year it's painful no matter what you had to do to get here, so I think therefore those people should be welcomed here as well.

Sorry for the confusion. I just can't stand when people think they have experienced IF but have only been actively trying for less then a year. It's just not the same thing...

vanessagorc · July 2012

The origin of this board was for the women on IF to post here, bc they needed a place to discuss pregnancy. Since IF was their home board, it clearly was not the right place. Over time, things have changed. I don't even undertand the difference of 3t and if anymore, bc half of 3t seems to be doing Iui and Ivf.

So maybe there should be some type of merger there? I'm my sure. I think nesting is asking out of curiosity, not to make people feel unwelcome.

What I don't always understand, is some people's definition of infetility. I have seem posts where the person is just pregnant, not pregnant after anything. Or a "surprise bfp" that isnt very surprising at all. I think that's been an issue discussed on all of the IF boards.

It's ridic that this board has no description!!! We have been asking for one forever!!!

vanessagorc · July 2012

cinciem:
I came here after my bfp from 3t. I lurked on IF, but it seemed more a home for IVFers than IUIers. I was 1 cycle from IVF, so I planned to intro there after my next cycle..
This bfp was 15 months after we started ttc and it was a "surprise" bc I was waiting for my giant ovaries and cysts to shrink... And bc 4 perfectly timed and medicated IUIs didn't result in a pregnancy. Oh & bc, I'm considered AMA.
For people over 35 IF=ttc for more than 6 months
Eta: removed < >. I always use the wrong one.

I thinking people will agree, there ARE surprise bfp's from IFers and that's wonderful. In my 2 yrs here i have def seen some miracles. Im overjoyed for people. But not every pregnancy falls into that category, they just don't.

Shayliz · July 2012

I was a regular on 3T and a lurker on IF. It seemed like most women were going through IVF on IF so I didn't feel like my IUI posts fit in there as well as it fit on 3T. I did intro on IF after we were told to start looking into IVF, but wound up getting a positive from my cancelled inject cycle.

Pregnant After Infertility doesn't seem to specify "pregnant after posting on infertility board only".

However, I'll admit I do eye roll when I see someone post who got KU on 1 cycle of Clomid or Metformin and their 1st or 2nd cycle TTC.

sbrowns08 · July 2012

vanessagorc:
The origin of this board was for the women on IF to post here, bc they needed a place to discuss pregnancy. Since IF was their home board, it clearly was not the right place. Over time, things have changed. I don't even undertand the difference of 3t and if anymore, bc half of 3t seems to be doing Iui and Ivf.
So maybe there should be some type of merger there? I'm my sure. I think nesting is asking out of curiosity, not to make people feel unwelcome.
What I don't always understand, is some people's definition of infetility. I have seem posts where the person is just pregnant, not pregnant after anything. Or a "surprise bfp" that isnt very surprising at all. I think that's been an issue discussed on all of the IF boards.
It's ridic that this board has no description!!! We have been asking for one forever!!!

I guess I think the board's name speaks for itself. If you're pregnant after struggling with infertility, this is your home. Personally I don't think it matters where you posted before, if at anywhere.

I agree about the similarities between 3t and IF. I started posting over on IF and I won't get into the reasons for moving over to 3t; suffice to say that I found a wonderful group of women who I am delighted to see over here and beyond!

I have to say I feel badly for happilyeverafter who posted here this weekend. I personally follow her blog and was delighted to see her get pregnant after two years of infertility. She had a diagnosis and her treatment worked! I think her question was wholly appropriate for this board. She had a lap, is pregnant and has a question about her scar. First tri wouldn't have given her the insightful responses the ladies here did. I hope she knows she is welcome here!

vanessagorc · July 2012

I personally don't care if someone posted on 3t, IF, IVF, or freaking mars before they posted here. But i do think u should have actually experienced infertility to post here (regardless of how u end up conceiving).

Again, that definition of infertility seems a bit too "all encompassing" at times. This is not a board to post on, just bc u don't "like" 1st tri (which ive seen here). I also think there are a ton of feeder IF boards now, that are probably redudant at this point...hence why so many people feel like strangers.

mandalinn25 · July 2012

I guess I just don't really see many posting here that aren't suffering from infertility. I mean other boards get people that don't belong from time to time. It happens. I just don't see it happening frequently here at all. I guess my question is what is the point of all of this? What do people hope to gain? Because honestly I just see this post hurting those that feel they didn't suffer enough to belong. I recognize 90% of the posters on here and have gotten to know most of the others. If you don't want to, you could always block them.

I just don't see the point of coming here and questioning those that are posting here. Again I am sure I am pissing people off by saying this, but the truth is this is a public board.

mdiblasi10 · July 2012

mandalinn25:
I guess I just don't really see many posting here that aren't suffering from infertility. I mean other boards get people that don't belong from time to time. It happens. I just don't see it happening frequently here at all. I guess my question is what is the point of all of this? What do people hope to gain? Because honestly I just see this post hurting those that feel they didn't suffer enough to belong. I recognize 90% of the posters on here and have gotten to know most of the others. If you don't want to, you could always block them.
I just don't see the point of coming here and questioning those that are posting here. Again I am sure I am pissing people off by saying this, but the truth is this is a public board.

Well said! Yes

Shaungela · July 2012

1st Tri is a nightmare, but besides that, its more comforting posting with people that truly understand what it took for us to even get to this point. I did post on IF though, but if I didnt i would definitely have come to this board rather than 1st Tri.

vanessagorc · July 2012

mdiblasi10:
mandalinn25:
I guess I just don't really see many posting here that aren't suffering from infertility. I mean other boards get people that don't belong from time to time. It happens. I just don't see it happening frequently here at all. I guess my question is what is the point of all of this? What do people hope to gain? Because honestly I just see this post hurting those that feel they didn't suffer enough to belong. I recognize 90% of the posters on here and have gotten to know most of the others. If you don't want to, you could always block them.
I just don't see the point of coming here and questioning those that are posting here. Again I am sure I am pissing people off by saying this, but the truth is this is a public board.
Well said!

on the same note, if this is a public MSG board...the op had the exact same right to come here and ask the question. I don't think anyone has been rude in this tread at all, i think it's been a discussion.

theworms · July 2012

We can't control who comes to a public message board but IMO there is a HUGE difference between TTTC and IF. It seems like this board seems has become a catch basin for anyone who had trouble trying to conceive as opposed to ladies who really have an infertility diagnosis, these are 2 very different things. I don't want to dismiss anyone's journeys but taking clomid and going through multiple IUI's or IVF's are 2 very different things.

We created a board description for this board back when we started this board and it still needs to be added to the top (and yes, sadly I helped start this board a few months before my first BFP and then first m/c).

This is the board description

If you have an Infertility diagnosis (and were posting on IF and IFV) OR needed IUI or IVF to conceive this is the place for you.

Anyway, I will continue to work on getting board description posted.

Again, I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or attack anyone.

Nesting.Away · July 2012

If you read my original post, it truly is just a question. It isn't a "how dare you come over here" or anything else. I was truly curious as to why people were posting where they were. I do find it somewhat amusing that some jumped right into the "feeling welcome" argument even though that was not the point of the post at all, but thank you for trying to turn that into it.

I wished the mentioned poster good luck and did let her know that she was what sparked my curiosity, but it went no further.

mandalinn25 · July 2012

theworms:
We can't control who comes to a public message board but IMO there is a HUGE difference between TTTC and IF. It seems like this board seems has become a catch basin for anyone who had trouble trying to conceive as opposed to ladies who really have an infertility diagnosis, these are 2 very different things. I don't want to dismiss anyone's journeys but taking clomid and going through multiple IUI's or IVF's are 2 very different things.
We created a board description for this board back when we started this board and it still needs to be added to the top (and yes, sadly I helped start this board a few months before my first BFP and then first m/c).
This is the board description
If you have an Infertility diagnosis (and were posting on IF and IFV) OR needed IUI or IVF to conceive this is the place for you.
Anyway, I will continue to work on getting board description posted.
Again, I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or attack anyone.

I guess I just don't see that difference between 3T and IF. Most of the posters on 3T, not all of course, but most were doing at least IUI.

Like I said I was active on both but moreso on 3T because that is where I found some amazing friends.

I think that board description is great, although I think 3T should be added, but that's just my personal opinion.

And FTR I never said people can't ask questions or post opinions, I just wondered what some were trying to gain from it. I just didn't really see what the point was but to oust others for not being considered infertile enough.

There really has been not one ounce of drama here since I got my BFP until this and I was just taken aback. This is a haven for many of us and I just don't see this as beings that much of an issue.

Nesting.Away · July 2012

mandalinn25:
theworms:
We can't control who comes to a public message board but IMO there is a HUGE difference between TTTC and IF. It seems like this board seems has become a catch basin for anyone who had trouble trying to conceive as opposed to ladies who really have an infertility diagnosis, these are 2 very different things. I don't want to dismiss anyone's journeys but taking clomid and going through multiple IUI's or IVF's are 2 very different things.
We created a board description for this board back when we started this board and it still needs to be added to the top (and yes, sadly I helped start this board a few months before my first BFP and then first m/c).
This is the board description
If you have an Infertility diagnosis (and were posting on IF and IFV) OR needed IUI or IVF to conceive this is the place for you.
Anyway, I will continue to work on getting board description posted.
Again, I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or attack anyone.

I guess I just don't see that difference between 3T and IF. Most of the posters on 3T, not all of course, but most were doing at least IUI.
Like I said I was active on both but moreso on 3T because that is where I found some amazing friends.
I think that board description is great, although I think 3T should be added, but that's just my personal opinion.
And FTR I never said people can't ask questions or post opinions, I just wondered what some were trying to gain from it. I just didn't really see what the point was but to oust others for not being considered infertile enough.
There really has been not one ounce of drama here since I got my BFP until this and I was just taken aback. This is a haven for many of us and I just don't see this as beings that much of an issue.

And I didn't see much drama with this post until You went the direction you did. Before that, we had honest answers coming in. Discussions are not a bad thing. You can gain knowledge from them, like how others are using the different boards. Not a big deal....

mandalinn25 · July 2012

Nesting.Away:
mandalinn25:
theworms:
We can't control who comes to a public message board but IMO there is a HUGE difference between TTTC and IF. It seems like this board seems has become a catch basin for anyone who had trouble trying to conceive as opposed to ladies who really have an infertility diagnosis, these are 2 very different things. I don't want to dismiss anyone's journeys but taking clomid and going through multiple IUI's or IVF's are 2 very different things.
We created a board description for this board back when we started this board and it still needs to be added to the top (and yes, sadly I helped start this board a few months before my first BFP and then first m/c).
This is the board description
If you have an Infertility diagnosis (and were posting on IF and IFV) OR needed IUI or IVF to conceive this is the place for you.
Anyway, I will continue to work on getting board description posted.
Again, I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or attack anyone.

I guess I just don't see that difference between 3T and IF. Most of the posters on 3T, not all of course, but most were doing at least IUI.
Like I said I was active on both but moreso on 3T because that is where I found some amazing friends.
I think that board description is great, although I think 3T should be added, but that's just my personal opinion.
And FTR I never said people can't ask questions or post opinions, I just wondered what some were trying to gain from it. I just didn't really see what the point was but to oust others for not being considered infertile enough.
There really has been not one ounce of drama here since I got my BFP until this and I was just taken aback. This is a haven for many of us and I just don't see this as beings that much of an issue.
And I didn't see much drama with this post until You went the direction you did. Before that, we had honest answers coming in. Discussions are not a bad thing. You can gain knowledge from them, like how others are using the different boards. Not a big deal....

Ahh yes it is all my fault. And if you read what I write I said the same thing you did. Discussions aren't bad, I just don't see what is to be gained from this, that is all.

I will leave you to your discussion.

GypsyEsq · July 2012

I don't think Mandalinn is causing drama, she raises good points about the bigger IF community on the Bump. As I tried to say (ineloquently) last week, IF is medical diagnosis, diagnosed by Drs. and doctors don't necessarily sit around saying someone is less infertile than someone else even if they recognize, appropriately, some cases are definitely harder than others. I get that on the Bump there are many women who feel strongly there are differing degrees of IF and I don't necessarily disagree. But all women (and men) who are told they are infertile at some point and will not (likely) be going home and knocking boots to get pregnant suffer a loss. And grieve. And process. And for the small minority who go on to have a spontaneous conception in spite of their diagnosis, they are the lucky minority. No less infertile, just lucky. Enough people in real life will tell them things like "see, you just needed to relax" or "see, I told you a vacation would do it" why do we have to do it too?

When my IF journey started 3TC was the only IF board. And it was on the Nest, not the Bump. When it was moved there was an uprising, how dare the Nest/Bump decide that we, who were infertile FFS wanted to be on the Bump with people who were pregnant. Those that were successful had one place to go, SAIF. Then IF spun off from 3TC and over time the active posters on SAIF were not recognizable to those graduating from IF. So they asked for PAIF. On SAIF we were sad we wouldn't be seeing any babies or pregnant ladies but ultimately understood that IFers from IF wanted a recognizable community. Somewhere in there Secondary IF got started because women still in the TTC #1 trenches understandably didn't want to deal with women TTC #2 or 3 but those women had questions too. And then IFV was started.

What makes me sad about this in general is that a lot of us post NIAW facebook statuses hoping to bring awareness, and compassion, to IF. At least I do that, in part, to make sure that women (and men) realize they aren't alone. That even if the only thing wrong with them is they don't ovulate (ever) and then just need a little help there because their partner has sperm so even IUI isn't necessary, they are not alone and there is a community out there that will support them. But...I guess not. I used to recommend the Bump boards all the time to friends who wanted anonymity and a place to ask questions. Especially those friends who were experiencing a different dx than mine. I feel like I can't do that any more lest they stumble into the "wrong" board or the right board on the wrong day.

Also, a lot of people don't put their entire history in their siggies. Some people start listing where they have success, or a dx. Some people put even less. It's hard to judge where someone is or was in a journey based on siggy information only.

Shaungela · July 2012

Big thumbs up GypsyEsq

Just a question...

Re: Just a question...

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