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January 2012 Moms
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DH's relationship w/ DD

sarahd123sarahd123 member
in January 2012 Moms
Hi everyone, I mainly lurk but I have a question I hope you guys might be able to answer. DD is almost 5 mo, she was born 1/31. Whenever I leave her alone with DH she freaks, like seriously freaks, she cries until she throws up. She doesn't do this with the nanny (I work 4 days/week) or my parents when they watch her. She is all smiles with him when I'm there but she loses it when I leave her alone with him. Has anyone had this experience? We're going to talk to the Dr. about it because we're really frazzled and DH just looks crushed everytime it happens.
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Re: DH's relationship w/ DD

  • bigbearbigbear

    Hmmm I don't really have an advice for you but wanted to just say to hang in there. I can imagine how heartbreaking it must be for your DH....

    The only possible tips/experiences I have are these, and I"m sure you already know all of this....

    The more relaxed you are, the more chill the baby will be. Both DH and I notice that with DD. If she gets fussy and who ever has her starts getting frustrated she gets even worse. So we hand her over and she calms down much quicker.

    Also, I notice that every time my MIL holds her she starts crying. She's just not comfortable with her. And what I see is my MIL being really tense and just INtense with her. As in, getting in her face, making faces at her and talking in a really loud and high pitched voice, so DD just doesn't like it.

    Now I doubt your DH is being like my MIL but he may get really tense now, because he's expecting your LO to get cranky which just feeds the tension...

    Have you tried music and slow dancing with her? Just so she has a different focus point??

    Good luck! It's just a phase but definitely a hard one to go through...

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  • lp0lp0 member
    imagebigbear:

    Hmmm I don't really have an advice for you but wanted to just say to hang in there. I can imagine how heartbreaking it must be for your DH....

    The only possible tips/experiences I have are these, and I"m sure you already know all of this....

    The more relaxed you are, the more chill the baby will be. Both DH and I notice that with DD. If she gets fussy and who ever has her starts getting frustrated she gets even worse. So we hand her over and she calms down much quicker.

    Also, I notice that every time my MIL holds her she starts crying. She's just not comfortable with her. And what I see is my MIL being really tense and just INtense with her. As in, getting in her face, making faces at her and talking in a really loud and high pitched voice, so DD just doesn't like it.

    Now I doubt your DH is being like my MIL but he may get really tense now, because he's expecting your LO to get cranky which just feeds the tension...

    Have you tried music and slow dancing with her? Just so she has a different focus point??

    Good luck! It's just a phase but definitely a hard one to go through...

    My MIL does the same thing and my ds won't sit with her. He's a really mellow baby and has no problem going with complete strangers but I think it's all her nervous energy that he is picking up on. I'm sure this must be really hard on your dh. Hopefully this passes quickly. 

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  • bigbearbigbear
    imageLP0198:
    imagebigbear:

    Hmmm I don't really have an advice for you but wanted to just say to hang in there. I can imagine how heartbreaking it must be for your DH....

    The only possible tips/experiences I have are these, and I"m sure you already know all of this....

    The more relaxed you are, the more chill the baby will be. Both DH and I notice that with DD. If she gets fussy and who ever has her starts getting frustrated she gets even worse. So we hand her over and she calms down much quicker.

    Also, I notice that every time my MIL holds her she starts crying. She's just not comfortable with her. And what I see is my MIL being really tense and just INtense with her. As in, getting in her face, making faces at her and talking in a really loud and high pitched voice, so DD just doesn't like it.

    Now I doubt your DH is being like my MIL but he may get really tense now, because he's expecting your LO to get cranky which just feeds the tension...

    Have you tried music and slow dancing with her? Just so she has a different focus point??

    Good luck! It's just a phase but definitely a hard one to go through...

    My MIL does the same thing and my ds won't sit with her. He's a really mellow baby and has no problem going with complete strangers but I think it's all her nervous energy that he is picking up on. I'm sure this must be really hard on your dh. Hopefully this passes quickly. 

    Yup, my DD is the same way!

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  • CuppyCakes88CuppyCakes88
    My DD was born 1/30 and whenever I (or our mothers) leave her with DH he calls me and she is SCREAMING in the background.  I honestly think its because my DH likes to spend time with her but will also be on his laptop or cell phone.  When I have LO and she is fussing we get up, walk around, do tummy time, etc.  When he has LO and she fussies he puts her in her swing.  I (and I could be TOTALLY wrong) think she needs more interaction with DH.  I think if my DH put everything away and just focused on her for a few days than their relationship would be like mine and LO.  BUT again, I could be totally wrong.
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  • kmm2150kmm2150 member
    Can you try having her spend some time with him when you're home, but keep your distance? Stay in another room, go hang out and read a magazine for an hour or something and have DH watch her the whole time? That way maybe you'll get a better idea of what's going on or what seems to trigger it. What does she do if you just leave the room for a few minutes, 15, 30 minutes, etc.?
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  • dizzycooksdizzycooks member
    My DH had the same 'problem' with our DD until he took a week off with her when I went back to work.  He had the option of calling my mom or a friend if things went terribly south and he needed a break, but he was on his own for 9 hours a day for 5 days.  They had a blast after the first day and he said it is hands down, the best thing he's ever done.  They have a great relationship and he is so much more confident in his ability to take care of her no matter what happens.  Best thing we ever did.  We were just talking about him taking more time off after I go back to work when we have the next one.
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