Attachment Parenting
New to Board and Quick Vent About Mother in Law
I'm a part-time working attorney mommy of a beautiful 8 month old and I totally believe in AP. I started doing AP before I really knew it had a label because it just felt natural.
My freaking mother in law, father in law, brother in law and often times my husband are all over me at every chance they get about doing AP. The biggest issue they have is not letting her CIO.
Any recommendations on dealing with family members and their negative opinions re AP?
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Re: New to Board and Quick Vent About Mother in Law
I would read Ferber's book and then show your DH (only) where even HE (though he has never once said to leave a child alone to fall asleep without any intervention) does not recommend using his plan before a certain age.
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
I agree with PP about not to worry about your in laws. They aren't living your life, or raising your child. Its not their decision! I also had issues with MIL about CIO, and her wanting me to put cereal in my (at the time) NINE month old baby's bottle to get him to sleep. Totally ridiculous, because he had started solids at six months.
But maybe just don't talk to them about how you put her to sleep? Or don't talk about sleep issues? Eventually when I got fed up with MIL giving me suggestions, whenever she asked how he was sleeping I just said he's sleeping fine. Sure, it wasn't really true, since he was waking four or more times a night, but it wasn't her business.
Is your MIL or BIL watching DD for you? If they are, I could understand comments from them because maybe they just want her to sleep better to make it easier to watch her. Which wouldnt be outrageous or anything. My mom watches DS one day a week, and she is definitely on board with AP parenting, because that's how she raised us. I'm not irritated with her suggestions on things with DS because she spends a lot of time with him and me.
As for your DH, what kinds of things does he have a problem with? Co sleeping? Baby wearing? Not CIO? Because you do have to take him into consideration when it comes to things like her sleeping and where she sleeps. If he doesn't want her in bed, you've gotta come to an agreement about where she sleeps that works for both of you, and not feel bad about whether or not that decision follows AP to the exact 'defintion'. You have to do what's right for you, hubby and baby and if you're doing that, then you are absolutely making the right decisions for LO.
You can also try not using the label "attachment parenting" because it has a negative connotation for some people. For us we just address each issue separately so it's not an argument about how you're raising your children, but an argument about how you're diapering, or how you're dealing with sleep.
Then you can do what the PPs said about either not bringing it up, glossing over the issue etc.
This is what I was going to say. From what I have read on the board, lots of parents who wouldn't classify themselves as doing attachment parenting do many of the things on here. My husband would never say that we practice attachment parenting, yet we babywear, we definitely will not do CIO, we feed on demand, etc.
These. I can't use the term AP with DH. He thinks I'm turning us into a couple of dirty hippies. So I just phrase things differently and he's entirely on board.
He has issues with all of the above. :-) Thanks for the support and encouragement :-)
He has issues with all of the above. :-) Thanks for the support and encouragement :-)
He has issues with all of the above. :-) Thanks for the support and encouragement :-)
Not to sound harsh, but DS was a horrible sleeper for a long time & I was ready to CIO at about 15 mos. DH was not going to do it. So...I just said "fine, you can deal with him when he gets up and deal with him when he doesn't go down in a timely manner". And, quite honestly, that is what has happened.
DS is 26 mos old and still gets up in the middle of the night, he just says "dadda" and DH goes in and checks on him. If it were me, I would wait it out to see if he is talking during his sleep or if something is really wrong. But, DH doesn't want to do that, so...I figure, that is his decision and he can practice it.
Since you are the one who feels so strongly about AP, I would somewhat let DH off the hook on things you can manage on your own and find other areas where compromise is needed. For example, you babywear and DH doesn't - that's ok. You tend to her at night when she cries and DH doesn't. But, perhaps on discipline (remember...I have a 26 mo old. this happens faster than you think!), you want to get on a more consistent page. Or, eating a bit later on - perhaps that is where you want to be sure you are a unified front.