DH and I not on the same page, sad today... — The Bump
Special Needs

DH and I not on the same page, sad today...

I've written about DS a bit on here.  He's going to be 6 and has some red flags for autism.  He also has a controlled seizure disorder.  In kindergarten he did great with the classwork, but had a group for his social skills.  He also received a small group for social skills.  I'm hoping this doesn't turn into a book...

 DH doesn't want him tested.  he still wants to wait and see how he develops.  He feels I'm being too picky with DS in what I'm seeing.  The thing is it's not just me, it's daycare, the psychologist at school, and his teachers.  DH knows DS needs work with his social skills, but when he talks to the professionals all he takes from them is their positive spin that he's come a long way.  

I feel DS is not naturally maturing in a typical way with his social skills, but needs consistent support in things I feel should come naturally.  (things that come natural for his 3 year old brother).  I hate to compare the 2.  They are very different with their strengths and needs.  DS means well, and is not a bad kid, but just doesn't read the social cues from other kids.  He teases a lot I think in attempts to interact.   I know he has huge potential, but don't feel adequately equipped to help him reach it at this point.  I want this to be a big summer of growth for him.  Picking him up at daycare the provider said she wants to talk to me tonight about "some things."  I'm already bracing myself.  (sitting here in tears :(  )

Re: DH and I not on the same page, sad today...

  • I am really sorry that your husband is not being supportive. He sounds like he is in denial of what your son needs.

    He sounds a bit like mine, but I am trudging along to get all evaluations done whether he likes it or not. And it took our son to be expelled from daycare to see that our son needs help.

    After going to several therapy sessions for awhile, DH says that it is the teachers fault and there is nothing wrong with him. I see the red flags of autism and I have done a lot of homework.

    DH says my fabulous MIL can help our son without the therapies. MIL is not certified in OT or speech and she is not fabulous. I can just ignore him or shove the evaluations in his face.

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Me thinks tonight the daycare teacher talks to your husband, not you, even if it has to be through phone conference.
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  • image -auntie-:

    image hopanka:
    Me thinks tonight the daycare teacher talks to your husband, not you, even if it has to be through phone conference.

    That's a great idea.

    Unfortunately, it sounds as if these professionals all lead with the positives as a way of letting the parents down gently and that dad gloms onto it because he hasn't become as cynical as the rest of us who recognize the script format. This was DH's MO.

    Definitely, this. When I was a student teacher, I was taught to talk about the positives about the student and then tell the issues or the negatives. It is a tactic they use. My mentor even had a bowl of candy to get over such news. I don't know. My mentor taught over 20 years.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm sorry!  I just had my DD evaluated for sensory processing disorder, and while I feel like my DH agrees with some of my concerns, some of them he just brushes off with, "oh that's just how kids are."  I think I'm going to have him take her to some of the OT sessions because I think it would be eye-opening for him.

    I think you should talk to the school psychologist and see if s/he can have a frank conversation with your H.  I had to do that when my DD was diagnosed with peanut/tree nut allergies earlier this year.  Despite being in the room when she had an anaphylactic reaction he wasn't convinced that we need to be "that careful."  It took a serious talk with the allergist for him to really get it.

    I hope you get him to come around!  GL!

  • I'm sorry. I've BTDT as well. Luckily, my DH went from "they won't be able to convince me there's a thing wrong with her" to "yes, she definitely has autism" pretty quickly. 

    I agree that if your DH isn't taking DC out to activities/birthday parties/etc. with other kids, he needs to be. DH took DD1 for her private evaluation (I took her for the school district one), and especially when he observed the ADOS, it made it clear to him that DD1 needed help.

    Knowing your kid needs help is one thing, but realizing how different he/she is from typical kids is something else and, I think, harder for parents who don't have a lot of day-to-day interactions with kids the same age. One of the things that really brought it home for DH was when we signed DD1 up for soccer and he coached the team she was on. It was his first frequent exposure to other preschool girls, and  it made him realize how differently she processes stuff, attention/focus issues, etc. 

    image

    DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
  • I'm sorry. My DH is being like that, too. O has an eval with a developmental pedi next month and he was pretty irritated when 1) the EI team suggested it and 2) when I agreed to it right away. His response was, "why is everyone jumping the gun?." Um, because his skill set demonstrates a need. He had zero words until 29 months. Now his language is advanced in form and his speech sounds are fabulous but his content is not particularly functional for a toddler (very functional for a writer on Thomas And Friends). His play skills are way delayed. His social-emotional skills need work, and on and on. 

    I calmed the whole thing by saying, let's just do it now. If he's ok, then no harm done. If there is a problem, he'll get the help he needs as soon as possible. I even played the, "look, if he qualifies for preschool because of this, he'll get to ride the school bus. He'll love that." I said everything. My last resort, which I haven't had to use is, "I do this for a living,and I'm doing this for him so hush or I'll get you evaluated, too." 

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