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1st Trimester
Who 2 Tell?
So this is DH?s and my first baby? We are 6 weeks today. I don?t have my 1st dr. apt until nxt week (it was actually set up to be my annual - - go figure)? my parents have 6 grandkids? DH?s parents have 0.
I really don?t want to tell the whole family until I am about 12-13 weeks (we are having a big bbq at that time)? but I REALLY want to tell my MIL ? she will be SO excited and I feel as though I would want her to know if there was a miscarriage anyway because she is a nurse. However, I feel guilty telling my MIL and not my Mom? I know my Mom wouldn?t keep the secret ? but my MIL will? ugh? what should I do?
Hoping to hear HB at US nxt week ? then might till MIL after? What do you all think? Would it be wrong to not tell everyone at once? I know my family would be hurt if they found out? In the mean time I have bff to help me through but still... at a loss of what to do. I am very scared of Miscarriage since I have a plus size pregnancy.
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Re: Who 2 Tell?
If you know for a fact that your mom will not keep the secret, and you really want to wait until it comes out at 12-13 weeks, then wait to tell her and tell your MIL.
This would get tricky if it ever comes out, say you do have a m/c, and decide to tell your mom then, if she finds out your MIL knew all along she may be hurt, but you have to weigh your options and decide what is right for you to do.
For us, we have always told immediate family by about 6 weeks and been very specific to them that it is to stay quiet until they are given the go-ahead to tell. For the most part, they have followed our wishes.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
I have told my mom and a sister because I know they will keep the secret. We are not telling MIL until we are ready to tell everyone because she will tell even if we say not too
If it's your wishes for people to not find out until 12 weeks and you know they won't keep a secret then I think its 100% fine to not tell them. With our DS and our MIL we just didn't make a huge deal that my mom knew and she didn't.... not sure she ever found out. You could also say you told your MIL because she is a nurse and you had a question for her.
I feel your pain, I wish we could tell MIL but I REALLY don't want people to know yet!!!!
I am not plus sized, and had a 2nd trimester miscarriage. I also had a heartbeat, and still had a miscarriage.
We told our parents, siblings, grandparents, and some aunts and uncles already. I am even considered threatened miscarriage.
My family was an incredible support system when I miscarried. I am pretty sure, I will be angry and bitter if, God forbid, I miscarry again. I don't want to have to hide my emotions.
It is a very personal decision of when to tell. I personally would not tell one set of parents and not the other. I don't think it is fair.
I know that anyone can have a miscarriage, but the statistics are higher for overweight and obese women. It has scared me for a long time. Even when going to the Dr. I am worried that they will look at me like I shouldn't have gotten pregnant if I wasn't at a healthy weight... It is very hard for me and I've battled it my whole life - - It might just be a self conscious thing... but I feel guilty - like I am putting my baby at risk... It scares me that statistics say I am more likely to have a miscarriage than someone who is a healthy weight range.
I am so sorry for all of you who have sufferred miscarriages - I know my fear may seem a bit silly in comparison to yours - - I pray that your current/future pregnancies all progress without any issues.
Thanks to everyone for their advice - still not quite sure what to do - might talk to the Dr. about it next week. Hope I get to hear the HB and that they do an US..
My SO's mom knew before my family knew. Mostly because she was in the hospital with us when we found out, but I still didn't tell my own family for a couple weeks after (my mom & dad found out at about 6 weeks). I'm super close to my family, and SO is close to his, so it didn't matter to us if they knew. It's kind of nice to have people around IF something goes bad, but I have a feeling all will be well
As for being plus sized -- I am as well. I know plenty of people who are plus sized and have had healthy pregnancies and babies. So I wouldn't worry about that being a reason for something to go wrong.
Good luck with your pregnancy!! Hoping for a healthy, happy 9 months!
)
I'm in a similar situation. My parents have 7 grandkids and my MIL/FIL have 0. Plus, MIL/FIL have offered to help us with a down payment on a home. They don't know WHY we are suddenly eager to find a place, so it really feels like lying. We thought maybe we'd just tell our parents after the first u/s, but we had mixed feedback on how well things are going, so I'd rather not .
On the other hand, having gotten some bad news I REALLY want to talk to my mom and and my sister who both have a lot of experience with pregnancy and miscarriages.
Deciding this it's just one more stress....
But mostly we are leaning toward not telling. Because we may have a possible complication, I don't want to have to report to all these people after each dr appt. It's hard enough taking the extra time off work and managing the news with my husband.
I suggest def wait till the first u/s then see how you feel.