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November 2012 Moms
working moms rant...
I just got off the phone with my sister and I am really frustrated. My sister is a working mom, and I plan to be a working mom as well. My sister has to work right now because her husband just got out of the military due to an injury and is unable to work as much as they need him to work. Her step mother keeps telling her that she is neglecting her children by leaving them in their fathers care, while she works 50+ hours/week. I was soooo annoyed when I heard this. She is busting her butt trying to provide for her 3 kids & husband, and people (her own family!!) are trying to make her feel like a failure for it.
I have also gotten some snarky remarks from people at church, asking if I plan on going back to work after I have my baby (insinuating that I should not). My husband has a decent job, but we are used to 2 incomes, and I have quite a bit in student loans that I don't intend to make my husband's responsibility. I am a teacher, and I LOVE my job. I worked hard to do well in college and become a teacher, which has always been my dream job. I don't NEED to work, but I love my career. I don't want to give it up without any certainty that I will find another teaching job in the future.
I know there are stay at home moms that get this same type of criticism in the opposite way. People elude to the fact that they aren't smart enough, capable of bringing in an income, or that they are lazy, etc. All of which is complete bull!
Sorry this is kind of long, I am just annoyed that people push their lifestyle choices on others. If you want to, and are able to stay home with your kids, I think that is absolutely wonderful! No one should make you feel like less of a person for that. On the other hand, if you are unable to stay home with your kids for financial reasons, or you love your career and choose to work, no one should make you feel like less of a mother for that. It doesn't mean you love your kids any less! Ugh!
End of rant...
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Re: working moms rant...
This topic always irritates me. It's her family not anyone elses. She and her hubby get to make the choice. He obviously had no intention of not working/working as much but he made the ultimate sacrafice. Your sister is now making sacrafices. I am a working mom. I work atleast 40 hrs a week and wish that I didn't have to miss out on my dd's stuff at school as much but I have to do what I have to do and we need 2 incomes right now.
As far as what the people at your church are saying, just try to ignore them. I wish I loved my job half as much as it seems you love yours.
Why can't other people just mind their own business!!
I feel better now, thanks!
This subject makes me angry too. Whether you choose to go back to work, have to go back to work, or stay home, each is a personal/family choice and none of them are an easy choice or easy to do. Why do people feel it's right to judge mothers' loving decisions about their children?? If I were a raging alcoholic, left my kids alone in the house all day while I was passed out or out drinking, then beat them, now THAT would be cause for legitmate concern. I hate it when wonderful mothers are made to feel inadequate because of their work choices, it's so infuriating.
Funny how we rarely hear anyone judge a father for working 80+ hours a week while his wife and kids are at home without him.
Their father is just as much a parent as their mother. It's like someone saying a father is babysitting their own kid - it really irks me. It's an insult to fathers who love and care for their children as much as to to mothers.
I do kind of also find the "leaving them with a stranger" to be a bit much too - unless you're grabbing a random person on the street every day, someone providing care for a kid is hardly a stranger for long. I've met my husband's old daycare provider (from when he was a kid). They've got a relationship that spans 30+ years and him moving to another continent. Being paid doesn't stop someone from caring, and more caring adults in a kid's life can't be a bad thing.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/mommy-wars_b_1210602.html
This Momastery blog post really says it all to me. We're ALL working moms. I also think that they could never ever find a care provider who will take as good of care as or love that baby more than the baby's father. They are all lucky he's physically able to care for the child. Some mothers, step, in law or other, just don't know how to shut it.
I believe "leaving them with a stranger" is proper no matter how much you've interviewed these people or had them watching other peoples children before.... whatever.....
It's still an uncomfortable thought leaving your kids with someone who doesn't love them as much as you do because of the crazies out there now a days. Just because they're paid to do something doesn't mean they'll always do it right.
I'm part time right now, and husband is full time. Luckily for us we have my mom and grandmother who will be watching the baby when we do have to work however - for most people in the US right now, both parties are not just WANTING the income but NEED it. So unless people are willing to pay us to work from home (stay at home mom, which would be AWESOME by the way) then they need to shut their mouths.