Stay at Home Moms
Be thankful for every moment and know that you are blessed.
2 or 3 children?
Ok for the Moms out there who have three or more children.. Can you tell me some of the PRO's of having 3 over 2 children? I am aware of some of the cons.. I would like to what your thoughts are about the benefits of having three. Thanks!
Be thankful for every moment and know that you are blessed.This discussion has been closed.
Re: 2 or 3 children?
Actually, I was going back and forth with the idea of having a 3rd. I always used to jump in related posts and someone told me to think about the future and what I wanted my family to look like, not to avoid something because it would be difficult short term. It really clicked with me and actually helped me in the decision making process.
I don't think going over a decision with unbiased people is in any way unusual or means she really doesn't want to have another child. It's a tough decision to make and there's lots to consider.
I'm PG with #4. For us, we want a big family. I want to see a whole bunch of adult children at my holiday table.
The only con I can think of is that it's a large financial burden to have a big family. Other than that, the pros outweigh the one con in our book.
I agree w/ Harriet. I am one of four and I love coming from such a big family. My parents didn't have a lot of money but it worked for us just fine. That said, we're stopping at three because I don't want to struggle like my mom and dad did. Good luck.
Harriet! I didn't know you were having #4! Congrats!
I never thought I would want more than 2. In fact, I sold all my baby stuff after DS was born. Then we had a surprise BFP last year. It took time to adjust to the idea of more than 2 children, but we became very excited about it. Then we lost our baby girl at 15 weeks.
Through that process, my feelings changed. I decided I didn't need to "get through" and "be done with" the baby stuff. I decided -- this sounds odd -- but I decided I love children, specifically my children, and the more the better.
I also discovered though our loss that children are indeed a blessing and not something I'm necessarily entitled to "choose". We let go of the mind-wringing analysis about whether or not to have another baby. We gave it up to God, and are now, to our joy, expecting again.
Almostjennifer - Thanks!
I got rid of everything!!!! Then I got PG! LOL! We did think we were done, but we can't imagine me not PG with #4 now......this IS our limit though. We live in the tri-state area, and it would be really impossible to afford so many kids close in age.......
I know I don't know any of you, but I had to un-lurk for this post.
I come from a family with four kids. In my community, having more than three children is the norm. It is hard for me to imagine having less than three children. I think you can always think of a reason that having more children would be difficult. But when I look at the families around me, of four, five, six, and nine kids, I can't help but notice how happy they are.
I'm certainly not saying you won't be happy if you have only two children, I'm just saying there are intangible benefits to having a larger family which, for me at least, outweigh the reasons for not having one.
We're only pregnant with number two but we know we're not done. I've always wanted a bigger family. I don't know why really but I just feel it's right for us. I look into the future and see the busy, lovely chaos of at least four children.
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
I like the idea of a bigger family in the future too. But for me, I had to consider the short term. I tend to get stressed out really easily and kids are super stressful (for me anyway!). This is just to say that I do think considering the short term is important. I don't want my stress to affect my kids and DH. I feel like it already does sometimes. My dad was always an angry, impatient father and I was actually afraid of him. I don't want that for my kids (not that I plan on being angry but being stressed and irritable is no fun for the family either). There are other factors for me too, but all in all I think I am leaning more towards two kids now instead of the three I originally wanted.
There is nothing wrong with posing this question to a message board. These boards are here for people to chit chat and bounce ideas off one another.
My husband and I are questioning the same thing. We are expecting #2 and talking about whether we want to try for a #3 and if so how soon after #2.
On paper there are a lot of "challenges" (I don't like to call them cons when referring to children) that come along with adding to a family of four. I assume you have thought about those so I wont get into it but on our "rewards" list we talk about the things we enjoyed from our childhood. We both come from families of 5 kids and we also try to focus on the benefit to our kids rather than us, because let's face it, parenting is a thankless job for the first 23 or so years.
It was nice to have someone else to talk to/play with/comfort you when you are not getting along with your fav sibling.
It is likely between 2 kids they will be VERY different, having 3 or 4 gives a better chance of them having a sibling with similar interests that they can relate to more.
You are kind of forced to learn a sense of loyalty and good communications skills. Mind you, I'm sure people with 1 sibling have a sense of these things too but it seems like people from larger families were a little better at it BUT I am most likely biased.
There is pretty much always someone around.
There is always an abundance of toys and sports equipment.
We got to celebrate more name days and birthdays so there always seemed to be a party or holiday going on.
Halloween was mostly hilarious with all the different outfits.
Competition was present but I would think it isn't as fierce with 3 or more as it is when it is a me vs. her/him
Those are our thoughts so far. We haven't made a decision either way yet though.
This is so fascinating to me! I'm really curious about where it is you're from, or what kind of community you grew up in. Maybe it's just a regional thing? In my experience most people have an average of 2 kids.
I am from Montana. My parents both came from families of five or more children. We are Catholic, but my greater community (my city and most of the state) is a very good mix of religious and non-religious backgrounds. We are not relatively culturally diverse, but there is a lot of diversity in ideas here. My particular city has a very wide range of educational backgrounds, income, and financial statuses.
Who knows? Maybe it is religious beliefs, maybe it is the farming culture, maybe it is the amount of physical space we have in MT, maybe it is my own family and biases (I admit I have them). Maybe it is the fact that I'm shortly (w/in the next week or so) going to miscarry my own second child--and the longing for children that that kind of situation brings. Whatever it is, I just can't imagine having less than three. I know not everyone agrees with me or my religious beliefs. That is perfectly ok. I just thought I'd contribute to the conversation from my perspective.
I don't know that I can offer advice to the OP, because we are on the fence too about stopping at 2 or having more. (I should say I am on the fence - DH wants more.)
I came from a family of 2 kids, so I don't have the background of a big family that I want to recreate (nor did I always wish we had a bigger family when I was growing up). My biggest reservations are the financial concerns (DH does not and will not ever make a lot of money, and I have always wanted to SAH) and the stress concerns, as a PP mentioned. I don't know if I can stay in this pregnant/nursing/baby/toddler phase for potentially 7 or 8 years of my life.
DH has 2 siblings, but one is 10 years older & a half-sibling (who I don't think lived with them growing up), so he kinda had it both ways. I get the concept of "you won't regret a child once you have them" but I just don't have at this moment a compelling desire to intentionally try for that 3rd. We'll see whether that changes down the line though, I guess.
I'm so glad that you did contribute your thoughts and perspective, thank you for sharing. Like I said it's fascinating to me. The idea of a big family has always been so romantic to me, but I've never really known any in real life.
I am so sorry to hear about your pregnancy. That is a tragedy and you must be feeling so heartbroken. I wish I knew the right words to say. My thoughts are with you and your family.
hayleedeee,
Thanks for responding so positively. And I really appreciate your kind words about my situation. It is a very sad time.
Your little ones are adorable. Congratulations on your twins, brave mamma!