Display shower?

AbbieAdams · June 2012

I'm hosting a shower for my friend and when I asked what kind of shower she wanted, she emphatically said "Display shower" and "no games". I'm all about the no-games thing, but I've never heard of a display shower. She said it was were guests bring gifts if they want, but they don't wrap them. Everyone just puts their names on the unwrapped gift or leaves a card with it on a table and all the guests can peruse the gifts at their leisure. Later, in the privacy of her own home, the mom-to-be opens the cards and letters privately. My friend HATES opening gifts in front of people (I agree with her on this), but this just seems really odd. I thought opening gifts in front of others was just one of those awkward, horrible social conventions we just grit our teeth and go along with. If she wants it, that's what I'll do, but I've just never heard of such a thing. Has anyone else come across this before?

mrsjoshuaduhon · June 2012

You will get bashed for this post. They find this tacky. Actually in order for people to know this you wll have to tell them which I think is tacky, but anyhow I suggest you delete your post and read where others have asked this unless you want to see 30 people tell you how tacky this is.

rhubarb123 · June 2012

This is a new trend...usually requested by eco-friendly MTB's. I have only been to one shower where we were asked on the invite not to wrap the gift. Sorry...I wrapped the gift and she had to open it. Not sure if the invite actually said a display shower or not. She might end up opening up a few as well (if any of her guests are like me! lol).

Are you planning this shower to last about an hour? Just long enough for people to arrive, plop their unwrapped gift on the table, chat a few minutes, eat, and then leave? Seriously, I would not sit for 2-3 hours and "chat" with a bunch of people I barely know (or don't know at all). I have better things to do with my time. I guess if everyone invited knows everyone else then it would be fine.

eav2c · June 2012

This, IMO, takes away from the point of a shower. I can see the Eco friendly advantage but there are other ways to wrap gifts if she is wanting to do this for Eco friendly reasons (I.e paper grocery bags or newspaper). With that said, I think she needs to suck it up or not have a shower all together.

To the pp who said to delete this: you are obviously bitter about something. Please chill the fluck out.

Sherbet Lemon · June 2012

AbbieAdams:
I'm hosting a shower for my friend and when I asked what kind of shower she wanted, she emphatically said "Display shower" and "no games". I'm all about the no-games thing, but I've never heard of a display shower. She said it was were guests bring gifts if they want, but they don't wrap them. Everyone just puts their names on the unwrapped gift or leaves a card with it on a table and all the guests can peruse the gifts at their leisure. Later, in the privacy of her own home, the mom-to-be opens the cards and letters privately. My friend HATES opening gifts in front of people (I agree with her on this), but this just seems really odd. I thought opening gifts in front of others was just one of those awkward, horrible social conventions we just grit our teeth and go along with. If she wants it, that's what I'll do, but I've just never heard of such a thing. Has anyone else come across this before?

Pretty much the bolded. If she doesn't want to be the center of attention, she shouldn't have a shower. If she wants to have a shower, then she needs to suck it up and open the gifts.

Maybe you could kindly, tactfully talk to her about how rude this may come across to the guests. Essentially, they took the time and spent the money to buy her a gift and she doesn't want to take the time to acknowledge this and let them see her open the present.

misspunky · June 2012

Well, I hate opening gifts in front of people staring at me too, but as a MTB, you owe it to your guests to open and acknowledge their gifts. People love the surprise of each one, and this also gives the guests time to socialize and have an ice breaker. Like a PP said, if this is for eco reasons, request that guests wrap their presents in eco-friendly wrap, but otherwise she needs to open her gifts for the guests.

Cranang · June 2012

mrsjoshuaduhon:
You will get bashed for this post. They find this tacky. Actually in order for people to know this you wll have to tell them which I think is tacky, but anyhow I suggest you delete your post and read where others have asked this unless you want to see 30 people tell you how tacky this is.

You're a complete twit.

OP, I'm not huge on sitting there opening gifts in front of people, but it's a shower, and that's what you DO at showers. Some of the younger people might not care, but I guarantee it will offend anyone over the age of 50. They love to OOOOH and AAAAh over gifts as they're being opened. They love passing them around. It would be rude to deprive them of this.

morethancottoncandy · June 2012

eav2c:
This, IMO, takes away from the point of a shower. I can see the Eco friendly advantage but there are other ways to wrap gifts if she is wanting to do this for Eco friendly reasons (I.e paper grocery bags or newspaper). With that said, I think she needs to suck it up or not have a shower all together.
To the pp who said to delete this: you are obviously bitter about something. Please chill the fluck out.

I agree with this. It's not like people just sit there quietly staring while the MTB is opening the presents. Usually people are socializing among themselves while gifts are being opened. At least that's what happened at the showers I've been to.

daisylove711 · June 2012

Hi... I don't usually post here, but I have been to two of these types of showers. I get it, but I was at a table with people I didn't know very well with NOTHING to do but try to make conversation with them for two hours... It sucked. At least at a typical shower, I have the gift opening to watch...

WordsmithMom · June 2012

kate2904:
Like a PP said, if this is for eco reasons, request that guests wrap their presents in eco-friendly wrap.

No, even this is extremely rude. Someone is buying you a GIFT, out of their own kindness. You do not get to set conditions on it like this.

I also learned once - the hard way, at a work shower - that "don't wrap it", meant "put it in a gift bag". I didn't wrap it and got reamed out by my boss. NEVER AGAIN will I attend a shower where I'm told how to wrap the gift.

My two cents.

EastCoastBride · June 2012

Does anyone really LIKE opening gifts in front of a group of people? No. I'm a trainer - it's my job to get up in front of people and talk to them and be the center of attention. I have NO problem doing this. But OMG - at my shower? I was nervous and uncomfortable.

Yes- it sucks to be the center of attention like that.

But that's the POINT of a shower. If she can't be bothered to open the gifts, then don't have a shower. To say "don't wrap them" and basically plop them on a table - it's SOOOOOO gift grabby. "Hi - come to this party and bring me a gift, oh, but I don't want to even be bothered w/ opening it."

And unless I knew that the MTB was really, really, really into being green and saving the environment and I KNEW that the "no wrap" thing was due to that - I'd find the command to not wrap the gift the perfect excuse to say "Eh- I'm busy that day" and not come and not bring a gift.

SunAndRain · June 2012

I agree with PP: if she wants to be "showered" with gifts then she needs to suck it up, open each gift and gush about how wonderful it is. And she needs to write a proper,handwritten TY note for each. Otherwise she can just forgo the shower if it is too much attention for her to handle.

I attended a shower where my friend didn't open the gifts. I was offended - I went through the trouble to shop and pick out a gift and I didn't get to see her reaction. She thinks her guests loved not having to sit through the gift opening, however certainly no one is going to TELL her that it was a crappy thing to do.

Anyway, this friend hosted my shower recently (did an amazing job!) and you bet I opened each gift, raved about it. The mistake I DID make is that I forgot that each gift should be passed around to the guests. I just put it back in the bag and no one cared to or thought to remind me. But passing the gifts around gives the guests something else to do while you are opening gifts.

Eco-friendly my a$$. Some people have an excuse for everything!

EastCoastBride · June 2012

SunAndRain:

The mistake I DID make is that I forgot that each gift should be passed around to the guests. I just put it back in the bag and no one cared to or thought to remind me. But passing the gifts around gives the guests something else to do while you are opening gifts.

Eh, I disagree. I've been to showers that do this and by and large - it's annoying. Usually I'm sitting w/ and talking to people I know - we're enjoying ourselves. We don't need to handle the gifts and "ooh and ahh" as they come by us. I'd rather talk and watch the mom OPEN the gifts. I really don't need to see them close up.

The only exception would be something that is handmade and really just amazing and deserves a closer look!

AbbieAdams · June 2012

Thanks for all the input, ladies. It's not that my friend doesn't want to be bothered to open gifts; she doesn't mind being the center of attention.She just feels that it's rude to open gifts in front of others when they also aren't receiving anything. I think it might just be an over-active sense of humility, since she can be a little odd about that sort of thing every now and then. (As in, even on her birthday she hates opening gifts in front of others if the others don't have something as well.)

The shower is going to be small - just our close friends and a few of her relatives. Everyone knows everyone and I'm not worried about forcing people to mingle with strangers and have something to do if they can't watch gifts being opened.

I'll have a chat with her and explain what you guys have said. I'm sure she won't like it, but she'll probably come around. She'd be mortified if she thought a display shower was more rude than opening gifts in front of her guests.

EastCoastBride · June 2012

AbbieAdams:

She just feels that it's rude to open gifts in front of others when they also aren't receiving anything.

But this is the POINT of showers and people EXPECT to see the gifts opened. In her effort to be "thoughtful" (I guess?), she's really kind of doing the exact opposite.

AbbieAdams · June 2012

EastCoastBride:
AbbieAdams:

She just feels that it's rude to open gifts in front of others when they also aren't receiving anything.
But this is the POINT of showers and people EXPECT to see the gifts opened. In her effort to be "thoughtful" (I guess?), she's really kind of doing the exact opposite.

I think that's what it's coming down to. In trying to be considerate of others, she's actually being very rude and negating the purpose of a shower in the first place. She's going to be so confused when I try to explain this!

IsaiahGirl · June 2012

I know she doesn't want any games, but I've seen people play bingo while the MTB opens her gifts - they mark off the item on their cards (each is different) as she opens it. That could take some of the attention off her as well as make it more interesting for the guests.

I think you can find printables online for the game. Just a suggestion for an awkward situation.

Susan&Courtney · July 2012

It's not a new thing at all. It's actually considered a more formal type of shower in my hometown and is very common (and has been for my entire life). However, I do think it is regional.

In my hometown, the locally owned gift shops will actually prepare the gifts on a board with plastic over the top of the gift with the gift giver's calling card (yes, people use calling cards for gifts on a regular basis) and then will deliver and set up the gifts at the hostess' home.

All of that said, I do think it might be a more difficult thing to pull off when people have to bring their own gifts unwrapped and set it up when they arrive.

sadie1001 · July 2012

My cousin hates the attention of opening gifts in front of people so we had another activity to work on/ or eat while she was unwrapping to help divert some of the attention but people could still watch her.

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