Attachment Parenting
How does AP work with 2 kids?
I have a 3 yo son....I try to attend to my 6 week old's needs as much as possible but find it hard when I have a little guy who also needs me. They also need stuff at the exact same time....DD wants to eat, DS needs me to wipe his bottom! He is usually patient (as much as a 3 yo can be!) There are times when DD has to cry for a bit because I need to attend to DS. I think this is actually helping her as she is able to calm herself down at times before I can get to her. I don't co-sleep with my kids but I have been able to babywear my DD (which has been a lifesaver as it frees up both hands for DS or whatever.)
How does AP work in your 2+ child household??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How does AP work with 2 kids?
With two kids you do need to adjust your expectations. Of course, the benefit in that is both of your children learn patience and to wait their turn. Crying for a minute or two while you tend to the other child is not going to disrupt the attachment between mother and child.
What helped me a ton in the early months is being as prepared as possible for everything. Before DH left for work in the morning, I'd have breakfast/lunch completely prepped for my oldest. Next to the chair I'd feed baby in, I kept sippies of water/snacks/toys for my older child so I could multi-task if need be. I kept changing stations in every room we frequented so I could change diapers easily (though I had two kids in diapers).
The need for bum wiping while nursing is a constant source of drama in this house too! It drives me crazy since older DD wipes herself at school.
Adding a kid is hard regardless if you put the AP label on things. I'm just doing my best and trying to stay afloat. Positive discipline has really become a challenge but our 3 year old has turned it down a notch...finally. Hang in there.
Your post sounds like what life was like when DS2 was a newborn - neither of them could get my undivided attention, but they got through it (as did I, ha ha ha). Babywearing DS2 was a lifesaver those first few months for me, too.
We tried to have me do bedtime with DS1 every night, so he could get some unfettered mom time, which seemed to help things in the long run. It's an adjustment for everyone - hang in there!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
One other thing I would say, although I'm not sure it's "AP" is that I try to explain things to my children as much as possible. So if the toddler wants a snack and I'm nursing the baby I will tell him that I can't get the snack right now but I will get it as soon as I get up. If I'm changing the toddler's diaper and the baby starts crying I will talk to her and tell her that I'm changing his diaper and I'll be with her in a minute but that I'm listening to everything she's saying.
Some of my hardest moments as a mom of two have been bedtime when the baby is screaming and doesn't want to be put down and I'm trying to change the toddler. He is not easy to change and I admit that I've snapped at him twice now when he was flailing around. "Can't you hear your sister crying! Lay still!"
I think the important thing is to continue to acknowledge their feelings and that you're doing the best you can and love them both.
It's just logistics, not parenting style.
I juggled the baby and wiped the bum. When I remembered, I put my ring sling on before BFing so I could move around easier if necessary. Or talked DD onto the potty before sitting down to nurse. DS's nap was always disturbed because I had to pick DD up from MDO... that's just how it happens for the second (or third...) kid.
On the bright side, he became a very go-with-the-flow and adaptable baby. Milk in his belly and a dry heiny and he didn't seem to mind that we were at dance class or the park or a 3yo birthday party even if it was his nap time.