Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Dr's are ok with vbac, RN is not
Um.... I just got back from a dr appt. I asked the dr about VBAC as an option for me and she said I was a good candidate. She said that she was a part of some studies a while back that showed that "STMs who had a c/s because of non recurrent issues (ie issues that are not likely to reappear in another pregnancy, mine were failure to progress and infection), have an 80% chance of a successful VBAC." I was like "huh those are decent odds" and she responded with "those are better odds than a FTM!!"
So yeah I wouldn't trust the NP. But after some bad experiences I have a general distrust for NPs. IMO your dr is the one that you need to be concerned with as far as opinions go.
Good luck I hope you get the VBAC you want!
I think your RN is off her rocker or pushing her own agenda. I have had two different physicians tell me that failure to progress in 1 pregnancy has nothing to do with whether I would be a good VBAC candidate. We also had a merconium issue and fetal heart stress so I had a cesec the first time around.
The worst candidates for VBAC have predictable issues like women with too many low transverse incisions, women who conceived immediately after delivering the last child because they haven't had enough time to heal, women with cervical or uterine abnormalities that would prevent vaginal birth, women giving birth to multiples, and the list goes on.
Don't let her stress you out. Based on the limited info I know about you, it sounds like a VBAC if an option. Listen to your doctor and make sure you print multiple copies of your birth plan to give to each shift of nurses when you go to the hospital as well as the doctor at the hospital if for some reason yours in unavailable. Don't be shy about making your desires known. It is your body and you have a right to attempt a VBAC.
My c/s was for FTP after a 36 hour induction, that ended with 6 hours at 9cm, an epi and then fetal distress. I think it was more like "failure to back the F off" and failure to wait, and failure to help get baby into a better birthing position (he was OP and head tilted to the side). I had a VBAC 3 months ago, after another 36 hour labor (it was at home, so there was no pressure at all).
I think FTP is mostly a bunch of crap.
I believe that FTP is really Failure To Wait in many many cases. I also think that if baby is in a bad position it gets called FTP.
My first OB did nothing to get try to persuade baby to get in a good position. And after being stalled for about 5 hours she said it was time for a c/s. My c/s was 16hours after labor started, at 9:30pm. With my vbac and new OB, he had me change my position and baby moved into his correct position. I stalled for more than 7 hours and we just waited. 29 hours of labor and he came out when he was ready. In neither case was baby in distress - the actions and patience of the OB (or lack thereof) made a huge difference.
Thank you ladies! I've been reading up on the VBAC board since I found out I was PG so I kind of knew that this RN was full of sh?! but it's very good to hear from others who had FTP and had their VBAC with no or minimum issues. I, too, feel that my c-section was more of a "failure to wait" as one bumpie put it! They did the foley catheder, then broke water, then pitocin...no wonder his heart rate was dropping! I went in on a sunday at 7pm and I had him on monday at 4:47 so there wasnt much waiting by the dr's (hence another reason why I switched, didnt want to possibly be rushed again).
Thanks ladies!
FTP and failure to descend/CPD are generally considered less ideal for VBAC. A lot of doctors who aren't educated about VBAC--even some doctors who generally support VBAC--will tell those moms they should schedule a RCS. But studies show that they still have at least a 60-70% chance of VBAC success. When you consider that our country has an overall vaginal delivery rate of 67% and 75% in FTMs, those odds are pretty good.
On a personal anecdotal level, I dilated to 10 cm and pushed for two hours before my c/s and my OB diagnosed me with CPD and told me the only way I could have a VBAC was if I had a preemie. So that made me one of the worst candidates for VBAC theoretically. I switched doctors to someone supportive who had a great track record with VBAC, and had a VBAC with no problems. GL.
Seriously! They really know how to scare us!! So frustrating in retrospect!
I have been told point blank I can't pushed a baby through my pelvis....that has to be worse than FTP. Yet here I am preparing to VBAC anyways. Just follow your gut, research the crap out of yourself, and silence those that try to put doubt into your mind.
ETA: Screw the RN opinions, your OB's stance is more important.