At first when I was pulled out of work my family was pretty supportive. They weren't the type to bring dinner over etc, but I never expected that from my mom. As time went on my mother has gotten worse, first I was doing things for my shower such as making the favors. I kind of expected this to happen and took the positive view that she was trying to help keep me busy. About 3 weeks ago my grandmother stayed with me and was a godsend while my husband was working nights. She did a million loads of laundry and made dinner every night, she even cleaned our oven!
My sister flew in early last week and bed rest went up in flames! My shower was planned for when my sister would be in town for her friends wedding and planning her wedding, a little early in my opinion but I rolled with it. Thursday I was told I had to go to Costco with my mom and sister to help pick out the food. It was the hottest day of the summer so far with 100 temps. Friday I had a dr appt and then went to my sisters tasting for her wedding. Saturday as the MOH I was told I had to go on the days excursion upstate to a cake tasting, to see the reception site, dress shopping and then a reh dinner tasting. My mother and sister said they were really tired and had me drive my car the 2 hrs to the first appointment. My MIL called while I was driving and was sooooo pissed I was driving she asked to talk to my mom. Then my shower was on Sunday. I got my hair cut and styled and my DH brought me about 1/2 hour early b/c I had the favors. At that point my MIL, DH and his aunt said I should go up the street to my parents house and wait they would come get me when the party started. This started a fight b/c my mom said I should help set up.
Yesterday I was good and stayed in bed I had trouble breathing and my pulse was racing, all due to my condition that put me on bed rest to begin with. Physical exertion and stress make my condition worse.
My sister asked to use my car for today so she could go dress shopping and then to lunch with her friend. I said as long as she came and got it. This turned into me having to go to the dress appt. My DH put his foot down and texted them last night saying that I was NOT going b/c I should be resting. My sister called this morning asking where I was. When I asked if she got DH's text she told me no and said I had "#@*&ed up her day" and hung up on me. Cue crying, racing pulse and panicky call to DH and MIL b/c once again I'm the bad guy.
I just don't know how to stick up to them and get my family to understand that I need to rest. To make it worse my mother (she says she put them in her purse for safe keeping) has all of the cards from my shower so I can't even write thank you cards until I see her!
I'm afraid to go to my dr appt on Thursday b/c I KNOW my levels are going to be terrible and I'm going to get a lecture from my dr.
Thank you for listening!
Re: My family has stopped respecting the bed rest! VENT
Sorry if this sounds snarky--but this is YOUR baby and you owe it to your child to stand up for him/her. No one else but YOU can do that. If my mom or sister were that selfish I would cry too--but my child comes first. No is no IMO (and this is coming from someone that was on bed rest for two previous pregnancies).
Seriously grow up and stand up for your child.
I understand not wanting to disappoint your family, but you have to take care of yourself and your baby. You know this, no one needs to tell you. It looks like this is your first baby, so you're still blissful to the bad things that can happen when you don't respect your doctor's orders. But take it from someone who pushed the limits of her bed rest and ended up with a late-term preemie who spent 2 weeks in the NICU--you don't want to go that route. You don't want to have mommy guilt later for something that may have been prevented.
I don't think it is helpful to tell you to "grow up" and get all snarky on you--you're just venting your feelings and that's perfectly okay. But it is time for you and DH to have a talk, stand together, and make sure that you are taking care of YOUR family (you, DH and baby).
Thanks...it is just as stressful to stick up to them as it is to just go, which is why I've just been passive this week. We've realized they don't listen to me, so DH is going to have to be more vocal b/c it really is his issue now too.
Sounds like you have a plan. Lean on DH for support. It's okay. You can do this!
I think it is a cop-out to have DH deal with YOUR mom and sister. Seriously--you dont want a preemie because you couldnt put your foot down if you can avoid it.
So what if they dont listen? It is your choice to go along with them or let them push you around.
This exactly.
I was on home bedrest for 3 weeks and am on hospital bedrest for the next 5 weeks. I am very compliant, but my cervix still isn't cooperating. I will likely have a preemie, but at least I know that I've done everything possible to keep this baby cooking.
Take mom and sister to your next appointment and tell the OB they expect you to be up and doing things with them and make you feel bad for not doing it. I bet the OB will give them a few choice words.
I spent 10 weeks of my second pregnancy on hospital bed rest. With my dd at home. It was horrific. But, getting to 33 weeks in the pregnancy was far worth it.
YOU need to tell YOUR family that you are on bed rest for the best interest of YOUR baby. Let them know it isn't for funsies, it is to give your baby the best chane at a healthy life. If they cannot respect or understand that, they do not respect you. There is nothing wrong with telling them no, doctor's orders state you need to do X Y or Z. Do not give mixed signals by doing some of the things. AND don't feel bad about not answering the phone.
You need to start standing up for yourself and your baby. This is only the beginning of parenthood. It will get harder and this is really too practice.
BFP#1 Kaitlyn 11-17-04
BFP #2 Matthew pPROM 23w5d 06-03-07, b/33 weeks 8-6-07, d/10-15-07 SIDS,
BFP #3 m/c 8 weeks 2/20/09, BFP #4 m/c no hb 6w4d, m/c 9w4d, D&C 11w2d, BFP #5 C/P 12/18/09 after BFP- 9dpo
BFP #6 Samantha- 11-9-10
BFP #7 4/20/12 21 DPO beta: 2382 29 DPO beta: 23000! HB 6w2d 116 bpm due Christmas day!
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~Today I am pregnant and I love my baby~
wow--I didnt even see that! Lurk on the preemie boards if you need a reality check, which it seems like you do.
IWhy should they respect it when you don't? I understand it can be difficult to say no, especially for special occasions, but it is your responsibility to be compliant with your doctor's orders. Your family did not make you get your hair cut or attend multiple wedding related events.
You need to find a way to say no. It's on you.
While I was pregnant, I pushed my limits with work but I know it's because of my own issues, and not because of them. I allowed them to take advantage and ended up with consistently elevated blood pressure and high stress levels. It's hard to stand up for yourself, but you need to figure it out now, because it only gets harder and more complicated when the baby arrives.
Gabriel Ross - August 24, 2009 * Vivienne Rose - May 1, 2012
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This - Not to be mean but just say no! I'd understand your DH getting involved if it was his family but since its yours, its your responsibility to say "I can't, I'm on bedrest". Simple as that.