Did you grow up with a SAH parent?

FormerlyKrista555 · June 2012

Did that affect your decision/desire to become one yourself?

My parents both worked long hours, and my mom was the bread-winner. While I don't fault them for working hard to provide for us, there was always a bit of jealousy when I would see my friends with SAHMs and the benefits that come from that.

I also grew up with a mom who would continually talk about how exhausted she was from work (she's an RN), and I imagine that swayed me a bit as well.

I don't think I ever woke up one day and decided I wanted to be a SAHM, it was just something I always knew I wanted if possible.

Ooglybear · June 2012

My mom was a sahm for the first half of my childhood (until my 'rents divorced), and my stepmom was a reluctant sahm (laidoff career woman) for the second half.

I think I took the benefits for granted as a child, but looking back I appreciate it a lot.

evanzmom11 · June 2012

I grew up with a SAHM. I have 8 siblings so it would have been really hard for her to work also. I think that very much influenced me wanting to SAH too. None of my friends had a SAHP and I honestly felt bad for them. Because they had to go to daycare or other childcare things and I didn't have to. I'm not saying having 2 working parents is bad, just thats how I saw things as a naive kid.

I think it just worked really well for my family to have a SAHP. And I liked that and wanted that for my family too.

sophie206 · June 2012

Pretty much. My Mom ran a hair salon in our home, but only worked the hours that she wanted, including the evenings when my Dad was home and during the school day once we were in school. It was great having her home--I remember summertime especially. I loved getting up and heading straight to our backyard to play for hours.

danienross · June 2012

I grew up in a weird situation. I came along after my parents divorce but they lived together until I was eight. My dad worked day and my mom worked nights. Then they separated and mom and I moved to another state. She worked days from them on.

I don't think it affected my decision. I never imagined I would SAH until I was pregnant.

JustHyr · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM until I left for college. I loved that she was so active in my school as a home room mother and PTA member and chaperone for field trips.

DH's mom was a SAHM for some of his childhood. I think it does have some bearing on me staying at home. I just can't imagine not being involved in her daily life like my mom was.

Stacyc625 · June 2012

Yes-

My mom SAH- and yes in a way that shaped my decision but in a different way.

She has never had a job- she SAH her entire life- she had me at 18 and my youngest sister when she was 28. She stayed at home the entire time we were in school. My dad always worked and provided for us- including private school for the three of us... (which was very expensive for them).

Fast forward 30yrs- My dad at 55 was diagnosed with MS and became disabled VERY quickly- had to retire from the post office early and is now on disability and his pension. My parents never really saved the years I was growing up because they were paying so much for our education- however if you ask them today what was more important they would say our education (they didn't pay a dime towards any of our colleges and all of their kids are college grads- post college grads). They looked at that as what they wanted to invest in---

Now they are up against dealing with a lot financially. THAT shaped my decision greatly. DH and I are ridiculous savers/investers and our retirements are very important... however I would NEVER want to be but in the situation that my mom is in- at age 50 - never having a job or skills and worrying about taking care of a spouse physically and worrying about finances. ---

So when I started SAH- it was very important to me to keep my certifications up, keep working in my field, keep contacts and WFH.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2012

From infancy to school age, yes full time.

When I got to school age, my mom was a massage therapist so she would be able to schedule herself off when I got home from school at 230. When my dad got out of work at 430, he'd take over while she went back to work for a few more hours so they had two incomes but someone was always home for me. That's what I want to do for my kids.

Court0026 · June 2012

My mom was home until I was 13 and my sister was 10 (approx). Then she worked part-time and then full-time. DH's mom stayed home until he was in hs. It definitely shaped our decisions. We got married and bought a small-a$$ house so we could afford it when the time came. I will be going back to work in 1-2 years, but as a teacher. I LOVE that once they are in school, we will have similar schedules.

lbaby08 · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM until my youngest sister started high school. At that point the 3 older kids were all either at college or, in my case as the oldest, graduated and married. She sat for her her real estate license and 5 years later does extremely well financially but also just enjoys the challenge of working. My parents both turn 50 this year and my dad is nowhere near wanting to retire so I think it is great she has a career that she loves but is still flexible. She says it is perfect for this time in her life.

She married my dad at 19, got pregnant with me almost immediately (not on purpose!) and decided to leave college with an associate's degree. By that time my dad had graduated and was able to financially support our family. I loved having a SAHM and I do think it highly influenced my decision to stay at home as much as possible (currently work 2 days a week).

Like pp mentioned, it has also influnced my desire to be able to financially support myself if something were to happen to DH. It is why I went to college, pursued a career and continue to maintain my employability. I knew all along I wanted to SAHM if at all possible and DH has always wanted the same thing. However, I have heard my mom say far too many times that if something had happened to my dad when we were kids it would have been extremely hard for her to manage. She didn't have a degree or any work experience to fall back on and I know at times that was a source of worry for her.

HarrietNJMommy · June 2012

Yes, my mom was a SAHM and so was my MIL. But that had no bearing on my decision. I actually never thought I would be a SAHM.

catycate · June 2012

Nope. It also kind of hurts my mothers feelings that I SAH- she takes it as a personal affront to how I was raised.

Rebekah1021 · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM for the most part. I do remember her working a couple of different jobs, but they never lasted long.

EnglishMajor03 · June 2012

My mom SAH until I was probably 12. My youngest sister was four. At that point the housing market tanked and she had to go back to work to afford to provide for us. That had an impact on me. I saw my parents struggle financially for years.

I never saw myself as a SAH parent. But, Parker was born with some medical problems and I couldn't go back to work, so here we are. Luckily, my H and I are on very similar pages when it comes to saving and how we see our lives shaping up so we've made the best of a hard situation.

penguingrrl · June 2012

My mom always worked and from the time I was 12 she was a single parent. She worked really hard, but managed not to miss important things. She was at just about every softball game, never missed a school play, etc. I did still notice the things she missed though.

That said, I grew up in a town where a vast majority of the moms stayed home and hated that she worked. It definitely influenced our decision for me to SAH.

ryry1977 · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM and I knew I always wanted to be one as well. That was something we talked about before getting married...it was something I wanted so much.

spunkyprincessmande · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM, but not really by choice. I'm not entirely sure why she didn't work while we were growing up, but she just is not the SAHM type. I didn't really reap the benefits of having a SAHM: we never went places or did fun things at home. She just baked a lot (like we all joke about never getting store bought treats because they were always homemade and we were jealous of our friends who got Chips Ahoy) and sewed. I don't think I was influenced at all by my mom, I've just always known I wanted to be a SAHM and the kind who did fun things with her kids.

kaydee77 · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM until I was 3, then her and my dad got divorced so she had to go back to work. Since I was so little, I have no memories of being home with her. The only thing she told me was that we never went anywhere, because we only had one car that my dad took to work.

melandjudd · June 2012

My mom became a SAHM when my little sister was born and I was 5. I was always very career oriented and have only recently decided that SAH and being there for DD is what I want.

JoannaJes · June 2012

My mother SAH from when I was about age 3 to 14. She actually worked part time while I was in high school, and then went full time when I left for college. She is still working full time as a teacher, and really enjoys it.

littlemermaid · June 2012

My mother was a SAHM. She did get a job when I was probably in middle school but was home within an hour of me getting home from school.

celiabwatson · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM when we were little (She had 2u2 with my brother and sister). She then worked odd jobs (increasingly full time, but odd hours or seasonal) from the time we started school until my sister and I had graduated and my brother was almost done. They needed the extra income to pay for 2 in college at once so she went back to teaching and is still doing it. Interestingly she and I started teaching the same year.

I always thought I'd be a working parent because I loved my job (teaching) but things have changed and now I'm home. I think part time or odd hours offers the best of both worlds so we're currently working on various options to make that happen.

penguingrrl · June 2012

catycate:
Nope. It also kind of hurts my mothers feelings that I SAH- she takes it as a personal affront to how I was raised.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! My mom hates that I'm a SAHM (even though I originally was because daycare was more than I was earning). She's a firm believer that everyone needs a career outside the home regardless of desire.

CocoBrynne · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM my entire life and she is still a housewife. I think it definitely impacted my decision to want to SAH. I loved being with my mom and I really think that her and I have a closer bond bc of it.

ashley0616 · June 2012

No. My mom has actually made it quite clear that she thinks I am wasting my life by being a SAHM. It's always been my dream to be a moon and be home with my kids, be available for them, all that good stuff.

lisamoe · June 2012

My Mom stayed at home until I was 6, then went to work part-time.

When I entered middle school, she went back full-time.

I would say it definitely influenced my want to stay home with my children. I had a wonderful childhood, and wanted the same for my kids. I wanted to be involved with every aspect of their care, and to never miss anything.

roxy_jj · June 2012

I honestly never thought I wanted to be a SAHM and assumed I would continue working. My mom was a SAHM until I started 1st grade (I'm the youngest). Because I was still pretty young at the time, most of what I remember is her working full time. She was a CPA and worked long hours, which did influence my decision not to want to work such long hours when I had children. My mom often talks about how she regrets working so many hours.

Temp6313048411121614 · June 2012

My mom was a single parent. DH's parents are still married and his mom was a SAHM for most of his school years. I've never been a career oriented person, I knew I wanted to SAH and DH wanted his wife to SAH so it worked out pretty well for us, there was never a disagreement about it.

memo9 · June 2012

Aussie*s_Mom:
My mom was a single parent. DH's parents are still married and his mom was a SAHM for most of his school years. I've never been a career oriented person, I knew I wanted to SAH and DH wanted his wife to SAH so it worked out pretty well for us, there was never a disagreement about it.

Same here.

I feel like I grew up in daycare and I just didn't want that for my children.

mrswright2006 · June 2012

My parents worked. Mom was the breadwinner, Dad is a farmer (so, relaxed schedule/around when I needed it). Mom's a teacher, so she has summers to hang out with me, but the rest of the year I barely saw her - she directed plays, coached Oral Interp, and has exacting standards that she puts upon herself. I always loved summers, because Mom could actually spend time with me, and I hated the thought of not being there for my kids.

I also sort of saw how my grandparents had lived. My Grandma still cooked lunch for "the boys" (ie, farmers), and kept busy even though she had been a SAHM all of her life. I saw how rewarding it could be to be around your family all day.

I never thought SAHM was a reality for me, but after DD was born, we realized it wasn't as far-fetched as we once thought. I WANT to be June Cleaver - I WANT to cart my kids everywhere, and have them come home to fresh baked cookies after school. Actually, in High School, I always told people my ideal job would be a 1950's housewife, but I would settle for being a teacher, since I doubted that would happen. I never quite got through college, but am actually living my dream.

austenreader85 · June 2012

Not really. My mom worked and then my dad made her quit and then a few months later he left and we had nothing, literally nothing, not even a car or phone service. Very hard and dark times. With 4 young kids and no family nearby or friends in much better position she wasn't able to find affordable childcare until my youngest brother entered Headstart. Since then she's worked her butt off and is even graduating next month with an MBA and will be beginning a doctoral program.

But I saw how exhausted she was and she always wanted to be a SAHM. For a long time between her lack of education and skills and also her desire to have something flexible with her young family she chose to own a house cleaning business. It never became much, as she was the only employee but it did give her flexibility. I've just always been really maternal and have wanted to be a mother above everything else. I'm not career driven at all. My mom did teach me how to budget and go without things, and that was with her working. DH and I have always agreed on me wanting to be a SAHM given income and agree on what things to cut to make it happen.

notkateanymore · June 2012

My parents divorced when I was 2 months old. After that, she went back to school and we lived with my grandparents. Then, my mom worked {loooong hours as an engineer} until I was about 10 when she married my step father and was dx with multiple sclerosis. She wasn't planning on quitting just because she didn't "need" to work anymore, but she couldn't work anymore, so thank goodness she had just gotten married.

Fishstyx · June 2012

catycate:
Nope. It also kind of hurts my mothers feelings that I SAH- she takes it as a personal affront to how I was raised.

I have this going on a little too, although she would never admit it. Both of my parents worked FT. I honestly never thought I would want to SAH until I became a parent. I assumed I would go back to work and did for a little while but hated it.

MrsBalletStar05 · June 2012

I guess my mom stayed home until I was nearly 3. I don't remember that. Then she went to work and I went to daycare. My parents always worked very decent hours so they were both home in the evenings. I don't think it really influenced me....I will say I was jealous of the moms who got to do all the school stuff, and the kids who got to stay with their moms all summer and get driven to the pool every day :-)

Happily Overwhelmed · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM. I remember being young and having friends that had parents that were never home. I was always glad to have my mom home.

However, I don't desire to be the same sort of SAHM she was. She was very much like June Cleaver...the house was always spotless, cookie always baked. But I never felt like she was nurturing...I never felt like I could talk to her (and still don't)...and I don't remember having fun with me. I felt more like a piece in her perfect life.

So I guess maybe her lacking on the M part of SAHM gave me more of a desire to do it my way? I'd much rather have a dirty house and happy kids.

Rdautenhahn · June 2012

I had a stay at home mom when I was growing up but I don't really think it effected my choice to be one. I had planned on going back to work full time, I love working as an RN. Then I met my little guy and he had to spend time in a billibed etc then I felt like I had to make up for missed time with him. After that I just couldn't go back to full time.

jw87 · June 2012

Both my parents worked growing up. I never really understood the difference in my childhood until I was older and realized work was #1 in her life.

She told me not too long ago she could never be a SAHM because she needs routine in her life, but doesn't everyone?

There were several times in my life growing up I had wished she could have focused more on us kids (there were four of us) and I don't know if it was work, or her personality though.

I know several working moms who made it work... but I think for her- it was too much, her work took a lot out of her.

PaisleyRuth · June 2012

Yes and yes. I had an awesome SAHM all my life, so I always wanted to be a SAHM when I grew up (like, never wanted a career at all). Unfortunately, we're not quite in the financial boat that my parents were in (i.e. by the time mom stopped working, my dad was easily making what the 2 of them had been making before, and his salary continued to go up from there)... so, I'm still working part time from home as long as I can without losing my sanity, just so we can save more money. But ultimately I only want to SAH and would love to not have to work at all.

DynoMight · June 2012

My Mom stayed home with us until I was 10 and my youngest sibling was 4. She worked part time at the library so we could all go there after school/preschool. I think it definitely influences me to be home with my kids. I also think that since I had a hard time finding work after DS was born and I was home with him for 16 months, I realize how much I will miss being at work all day while someone else cares for #2. I hate the idea of paying so much of my paycheck to someone else that doesn't appreciate my kids the way I do. I want to be home with them and screw them up all on my own! Wink

luvmyducks · June 2012

I was raised by my single dad. He worked so much to provide for me that I saw him usually only once a week. Between that and having a mom who didn't care, it has always been very important to put my kids first. That didn't necessarily mean SAH, but I really wanted to once I met my DH.

bridekimmie · June 2012

My mom was a SAHM. I think it did influence my decision somewhat. I have always said that if I was blessed to have kids, want to SAH with them. It's my responsibility to raise the kids I created. My DH and I were just talking today and I said it would kill me to have to leave my son and go back to work. I love being here with him. I wish my mom was more supportive of our decision to stay home. She thinks I need to go back to work. I understand that she is concerned that it will be tight for awhile until we adjust to one income. But I wish she would also see where I'm coming from, my job had me burned out and I want to raise my son, not listen to other people tell me what my son did that day, that I had to miss. At least my DH is supportive and to he** with other people's opinions.

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