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Blended Families
Ginlyn0
member
My nephew moved out
Ginlyn0
member
My nephew moved out yesterday. He came to us late Tuesday night and said he was moving out. He is moving in with a friend of his from his old high school (not sure how old the kid is) but the kid still lives with his parents and that is where nephew is moving. He told us he feels he has overstayed his welcome plus DH had given him a deadline of Jul 31st to find a job (the deadline was to get him to actually go out and look which he hasn't.) DH and I are 100% sure he opted to move because he knew he could blow his remaining grad money which was $320 that is in savings.
We tried to talk to him about the ramifications of making the same mistake he did before he moved in with us (he bounced around between friends houses until their parents got tired of him.) He wasn't listening. We asked him if he knew the ground rules for living there; he said he would discuss it after he got there. We told him perhaps he should wait until that all was sorted out before making such a rash decision. He said he told his friend who relayed to the parents that he only needed to stay there 1-2 months until he got a job and could move out on his own. We told him that made no sense considering one of the reasons he told us he was moving out was because he feared he wouldn't make the Jul 31st deadline on finding a job.
So he packed most of his stuff up and said they would come and get him around 4pm yesterday. I talked to my brother via text and he said he was trying to convince him not to make the same mistake again. We discussed the situation with his other sister and the money and how we believe that ordeal sparked him moving out because he just got to blow alot of money and he wants to continue blowing money. My brother said that he knows his sister always causes problems when she comes to town. I said that I'm sure she didn't mean for this to happen but now it has and there is nothing we can do to stop him.
While we were at work yesterday, he finished his online driver's ed course because where he is moving there is no internet and then he posted on FB how he finished his course and just needed someone to teach him to drive. DH replied saying "perhaps you shouldn't be moving out then." By they time we got home yesterday, he was gone. He didn't take all of his stuff so I went through and the boys room and finished packing all of his stuff. I took down his bed and put it in the garage (thought it would make me feel better). However, I found a graduation card under his bed that was post marked last week (so intentionally hidden since I was out of town last week) and it was from a family friend of ours. This person is not someone he knows personally, but was like an Aunt to my siblings and I growing up so I had sent her a grad invite for him since she is like family to us. It was a money card and he never mentioned getting it so I could thank her since he will never thank her. It actually made me ill because I know he doesn't know who she is and he just took the money and hid the card.
Anyway so last night he texts us from someone's phone asking when he could come by to collect the rest of his stuff today. DH told him we would be working at this VBS type thing for our church until around 8 plus it's DH and my anniversary so we probably wouldn't be home until 9. He had the audacity to reply asking if we would leave a key under the mat.....uh, no. So DH replied we would be home after 9 and he could come by then or another time. We are certain all of his money will be spent by the end of this week.
My parents and my sister both told me first thing after I said what had transpired "DO NOT let him move back in with you guys once he has blown all his money and wants to come crawling back."
It's tough. I'm sad, mad, scared and yet somewhat relieved. My sister emailed me this morning and said "Not to be mean but he is a little off and I don't know that he takes life seriously. Look at his role model. Breaks my heart for him. I am really proud of you and DH for taking him in and helping him. You guys did the best you could and at least he has completed school. No telling where he ends up now. All we can do is hope for the best for him on his own."
So true....
DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)
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Re: My nephew moved out
Wow. I don't know whether to be frustrated for you or slightly relieved for you. I know you and your husband were really trying to work with your nephew to establish some sort of budget and help him figure out what living on his own will cost. But he seems pretty determined to try and show everyone he can do it on his own, even though he clearly has no idea how.
I agree with what your sister said in her email about you doing the best you could with him. Sometimes teenagers need to fall on their face a few times before they figure out where they screwed up. Heck, even some adults need to hit rock bottom before they're willing and able to take responsibility for their lives and improve things. I also agree with what she said about not letting him come back after he's blown all his money. As hard as that would be to shut the dorr in his face, I think he needs to learn that you are not his safety net. I know in some areas 19 is awfully young to move out and be on your own, but if he thinks he's old enough to make those kinds of decisions then he's old enough to live with those decisions.
Again, I applaud you and your husband for taking him in, getting him to finish school and trying to instill some values in him. I'm sure it hasn't been easy.
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I feel sad for you that you aren't able to help him more, but at the same time, I agree, you guys did the best you could for him, and you are awesome for taking him in like that!
I agree, you guys shouldn't open your door to him again, he will figure it out, eventually... hopefully
Just know that you and your H gave him all the tools he'll need so that when he comes to his senses (or reality slaps him hard in the face) he'll know what he needs to do.
And it's totally okay that you're relieved. Anyone would be.
This is the next thing we have to decide. I would like to move him out of our room (never thought he'd been in our room this long!) But at the same time we are wanting to start looking for a house soon and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do 2 separate transitions or not. DH and I really need to discuss it more and if we don't move him now we need to jump on the house issue. Truthfully though, I took down my nephew's bed in preparation for possibly moving DS's bed in there.