Diagnosis on my friend (another update)

candr09 · June 2012

Again thank you all for the T&Ps.

A few of ou asked about the diagnosis. She has HELLP syndrome, which is a form of preeclampsia. Her case is severe and it's early (this usually occurs later in pregnancy, she was only 20 weeks). 5-8% of women get pre-e, and of those women, 15% develop HELLP syndrome. The only thing to do is deliver the baby. Most babies of this condition have a chance to live, but because her case is so early there is no chance. The morbidity and mortality rate for the mother is 25%, so I'm still really worried about her.

Her delivery is being done now and I'm hoping to get up to the hospital later today or tomorrow, whenever she feels ready for visitors. I'm also scared to see her because my bump is hard to hide. After my loss I didn't want to be around any pregnant people, and my loss wasn't nearly as traumatic as what she has been through. I want to be there as her friend, but I couldn't blame her if she didn't want to see me for the next 6 months.

HopeNotLost · June 2012

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis.

nk1220 · June 2012

I am so so sorry that you and your friend are going through this. I couldn't even imagine dealing with this at only 20 weeks pregnant!! I will keep her in my prayers.

BLuvsE · June 2012

I am so sorry for your friend. She is blessed to have you though.

If you go, I'd hide your bump as much as possible and not talk about your baby at all. I'm sure you were planning this anyway. If she seems uncomfortable because of your pregnancy, that'll be completely understandable, and if it were me, I'd probably just leave.

Another option is to send flowers, meals, etc so she knows you care but doesn't have to see your bump. That's just a thought, though - if you think she needs you there, then definitely go!

Good luck!

LLK122207 · June 2012

I am so sorry that sounds like the worse thing in the world! You all are in my thoughts!

What was hard for me after my loss (which was not as traumatic as hers) was that I didn't want people to look at me differently...I'm a private person and having all these people looking at me with those sad eyes was weird for me. I wanted to just sit around and cry and with people there although it kept me from crying it also wasn't what I wanted. Everyone grieves differently I would give her that time if she asks for it but still show you care in other ways without being there.

blue1981 · June 2012

I am sorry to hear that. My close friend had HELLP syndrome at 23 weeks 6 days and had to deliver as well. It was very traumatic and her daughter was only one pound. Miraculously she survived and is now a healthy 4 years old. You are such a sweet, sensitive person for thinking of how your pregnancy might make her feel, but since you have had a loss of your own, it sounds like you are the perfect person to be there as support. It sounds like you are just thinking about her and she may react differently to her loss than you did to yours. I say go see her and allow her to decide if she is comfortable being around you.

tinktink20 · June 2012

I am so sorry for what your friend is going through. I can't even imagine the difficult road she has ahead of her.

As for going to see her, I'd really ask someone close to her before you go. If she's not ready to see any bumps yet, I'd send flowers and a card. You want her to know you're thinking of her either way.

Good luck.

mama2many · June 2012

tinktink20:
I am so sorry for what your friend is going through. I can't even imagine the difficult road she has ahead of her.
As for going to see her, I'd really ask someone close to her before you go. If she's not ready to see any bumps yet, I'd send flowers and a card. You want her to know you're thinking of her either way.
Good luck.

This - I'd ask first.

candr09 · June 2012

mama2many:
tinktink20:
I am so sorry for what your friend is going through. I can't even imagine the difficult road she has ahead of her.
As for going to see her, I'd really ask someone close to her before you go. If she's not ready to see any bumps yet, I'd send flowers and a card. You want her to know you're thinking of her either way.
Good luck.
This - I'd ask first.

Oh yes, definitely. I've been in contact with her mom through all of this and I definitely would never just show up. I wouldn't do that not pregnant, so I definitely wouldn't do it now. For now I just told her mom to let me know if there's anything they need. Later tonight or tomorrow I'll ask her mom if I should come up or not. Her mom and I are close and she will have no problem telling me no if the times not right.

alr5k · June 2012

So sorry to hear about your friend. Thoughts and prayers with all of you, especially her in this trying time.

LuffJoo · June 2012

Oh thats so awful she couldn't just be a few weeks further along! My heart is breaking for her!!

As for visiting...maybe you could just call her to tell her you love her and are thinking about her? (if she's up to the phone ofc) You can ask her then, if you can come see her and let her decide for herself...

Just a though...I can honestly say, I probably wouldn't want to see my pregnant friend right after, if I were to go through what she's going through...

jelly0822 · June 2012

That's terrible. I am at a loss for words. I can't imagine what she's going through.

You have the right idea, about asking her mom if you can go and see her. And you're also right to not take it personally if she doesn't want to see you. I guess all you can do is be there for her in the ways you can and that she wants.

dee12807 · June 2012

I'm sorry things are so serious for her. And I'm sorry for you that you won't be able to share being pregnant together. I, however, think I had a different outlook when I had my loss. Like others, it was not nearly as traumatic, but I enjoyed seeing other pregnant ladies. It made me feel jealous and hurt a little, but it also gave me hope. Hope came from seeing how many pregnancies do work out and result with happy healthy babies. It just reminded me that nature messes up sometimes, but when it didn't there were wonderful results!