Post Partum Heart Failure - WWYD

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

Hi! I posted here when I was very first pregnant, then my pregnancy got really rough and I am just now making it back. But there is something that has been really bothering me, and I feel like a group of moms with babies my son's age could relate/give good advice. So...

The short version of my story is that after a very rough pregnancy and delivery, my healthy son was born at almost 38 weeks. I then went into full blown post-partum congestive heart failure 7 days later. They think it began around 36 weeks gestation, but the symptoms didn't escalate/nor was it discovered until I was 7 days post-partum. This led to a stay in the Coronary ICU and obviously all the trauma that goes with thinking you may die, doctors telling you that you may need a heart transplant, etc. when you have a brand new baby. I still very much struggle with the loss of my milk because of all of the chaos and medicine.

8 months later, my heart has recovered to an acceptable state, but I am now struggling with the choice of having another child. (IF we try again, it will be in 1-2 years when my body has had a chance to really recover.) I have an apx 20% chance of having heart failure again and a 50% chance of my heart recovering if this happens again, as well as a small chance of death. Of course, with each consecutive pregnancy my heart is less likely to recover.

From many outsiders, it seems logical to just stop and be grateful and happy with the amazing child we have, however there is huge part of me that just aches for another child. We have discussed adoption, and it has not been ruled out. But we both prefer to have a biological child, and I don't want to miss out on carrying my child.

Being a mother, and knowing all that you know now, what would you do if you were me?

jonnygurl76 · June 2012

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

chulita425 · June 2012

jonnygurl76:
In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

I agree.

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

Thanks for your honesty. Surrogacy may be an option. We just haven't explored that option extensively yet.

BeesMomma00 · June 2012

jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.

Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

nicki731 · June 2012

BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.

Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

I agree with most of this. I wouldn't want to risk my baby (or babies) not having their mom around. I understand the desire to have another, but if it were me, I'd rather be an alive mommy to one baby than take that chance. Good luck with whatever you decide -- surrogacy can be extremely expensive but hopefully you come to a decision that works for your family.

BTW sorry to hear about everything you went through!!

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.

Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

My husband and I have discussed the "selfish" aspect of this, and I don't want to be selfish and cause my son to be motherless or have a mother who is not healthy. I can be 100% logical about this, but then my emotions get in the way.

Also, because my pregnancy with Jack was so hard, I didn't get to breastfeed. If I choose surrogacy, I don't just lose out on a hard pregnancy, but also feeling my child kick and spin and the ability to breastfeed. I know that may seem trivial, but it was and still is important to me. I lost a lot of my choices when I became sick, and I let go of many things but I wanted to breastfeed and there was nothing I could do.

Julz629 · June 2012

mrs-smith2b:
BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.

Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

My husband and I have discussed the "selfish" aspect of this, and I don't want to be selfish and cause my son to be motherless or have a mother who is not healthy. I can be 100% logical about this, but then my emotions get in the way.

Also, because my pregnancy with Jack was so hard, I didn't get to breastfeed. If I choose surrogacy, I don't just lose out on a hard pregnancy, but also feeling my child kick and spin and the ability to breastfeed. I know that may seem trivial, but it was and still is important to me. I lost a lot of my choices when I became sick, and I let go of many things but I wanted to breastfeed and there was nothing I could do.

I agree with PPs that I would not take the risk. I would pursue adoptions/surrogacy if I wanted another child. But honestly, I think I could be OK with just one child.

If BFing is what it holding you back, you know that you can induce lactation, right? One of my friends has adopted 2 children and has breastfed both of them. I don't know all the details, but it starts with some hormones, pumping, etc. She wasn't able to feed 100% at first and had to use a supplemental nutrition system, but she was eventually able to get her supply to where she could EBF. It was not easy, but nothing about parenting is.

jaime1220 · June 2012

ITA with the pp. I would not consider carrying another child.

This is my worst fear. Not to be a complete Debbie Downer, but my mother had congestive heart failure when my twin sister and I were born. It sadly didn't end as fortunate as your story did. I would not want to put my baby (babies) through that emotion.

Scramblersmom · June 2012

BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.
Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

I agree with the bold part 100%. I think that you really need to consider why you feel so strongly that you must have another biological child that is carried by you even though you might leave 2 children motherless. As the PP said, I am not trying to be mean at all, but I do think that you need to seriously think about the implications to your children if you died or are unable to care for them due to health reasons. I wish you the very best with your very difficult decision.

BeesMomma00 · June 2012

One last thing... I forgot to mention HOW HAPPY I am that you are OK. I can't imagine having to go through that myself. Best of luck to you.

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

nicki731:
BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.

Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

I agree with most of this. I wouldn't want to risk my baby (or babies) not having their mom around. I understand the desire to have another, but if it were me, I'd rather be an alive mommy to one baby than take that chance. Good luck with whatever you decide -- surrogacy can be extremely expensive but hopefully you come to a decision that works for your family.

BTW sorry to hear about everything you went through!!

Thanks! I obviously don't want to die, and the risk is still very small, apx. 2%. It's just a big decision if I'm willing to risk my health for another child. It's just such an emotional decision, and I go back and forth constantly. At one point, I was DONE and now I'm wishy-washy. But the more I read everyone's responses, the more I go back to being done. I just want to make a decision and feel good about it. I can't feel good about either option right now.

jaime1220 · June 2012

mrs-smith2b:
nicki731:
BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.

Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

I agree with most of this. I wouldn't want to risk my baby (or babies) not having their mom around. I understand the desire to have another, but if it were me, I'd rather be an alive mommy to one baby than take that chance. Good luck with whatever you decide -- surrogacy can be extremely expensive but hopefully you come to a decision that works for your family.

BTW sorry to hear about everything you went through!!

Thanks! I obviously don't want to die, and the risk is still very small, apx. 2%. It's just a big decision if I'm willing to risk my health for another child. It's just such an emotional decision, and I go back and forth constantly. At one point, I was DONE and now I'm wishy-washy. But the more I read everyone's responses, the more I go back to being done. I just want to make a decision and feel good about it. I can't feel good about either option right now.

I know its probably a hard decision, but just remember that you will be able to see everything your LO does and how he grows up, and on the flip side to that, he will get to know his mother and not have to grow up missing that connection.

Again, sorry to be the Debbie Downer.

amyc216 · June 2012

Gosh, I hate that you're in this situation and sorry for what you've gone through. If it were me, I would be scared to risk being pregnant again. I would look into adoption or surrogacy.

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

smit5009:
BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.
Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.
I agree with the bold part 100%. I think that you really need to consider why you feel so strongly that you must have another biological child that is carried by you even though you might leave 2 children motherless. As the PP said, I am not trying to be mean at all, but I do think that you need to seriously think about the implications to your children if you died or are unable to care for them due to health reasons. I wish you the very best with your very difficult decision.

Maybe a little bit of denial. I just do not believe that I will actually die. I have been seriously thinking about the implications to my child (possible children) since I took an ambulance ride when Jack was 7 days old. It's very serious to me, I lived it. I think maybe you just struck a nerve, and I need to work on why this is so important to me, when the risks are so high. Thank you.

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

jaime1220:
ITA with the pp. I would not consider carrying another child.

This is my worst fear. Not to be a complete Debbie Downer, but my mother had congestive heart failure when my twin sister and I were born. It sadly didn't end as fortunate as your story did. I would not want to put my baby (babies) through that emotion.

Ugh. I'm so sorry for your loss.

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

jaime1220:
mrs-smith2b:
nicki731:
BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.

Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

I agree with most of this. I wouldn't want to risk my baby (or babies) not having their mom around. I understand the desire to have another, but if it were me, I'd rather be an alive mommy to one baby than take that chance. Good luck with whatever you decide -- surrogacy can be extremely expensive but hopefully you come to a decision that works for your family.

BTW sorry to hear about everything you went through!!

Thanks! I obviously don't want to die, and the risk is still very small, apx. 2%. It's just a big decision if I'm willing to risk my health for another child. It's just such an emotional decision, and I go back and forth constantly. At one point, I was DONE and now I'm wishy-washy. But the more I read everyone's responses, the more I go back to being done. I just want to make a decision and feel good about it. I can't feel good about either option right now.

I know its probably a hard decision, but just remember that you will be able to see everything your LO does and how he grows up, and on the flip side to that, he will get to know his mother and not have to grow up missing that connection.

Again, sorry to be the Debbie Downer.

You just brought tears to my eyes. I am really appreciative that I get to be here for Jack. I'm lucky he has that opportunity and I shouldn't risk taking it away from him.

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

Julz629:
mrs-smith2b:
BeesMomma00:
jonnygurl76:

In all honesty, I would see about a surrogate if finances were available to make that an option. I would not carry another child and if surrogacy wasn't an option then I would look into adoption.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying this to sound mean, (this is just my opinion) but I think that carrying another child would be selfish. I say this because if there is even a chance that you could leave not 1, but 2 little ones without a mommy and you do it again... then it would be for you and not for the child/children.

Surrogacy would give you what you want (another child) without the risks to your health. The only thing you will miss out on is another potentially difficult pregnancy.

My husband and I have discussed the "selfish" aspect of this, and I don't want to be selfish and cause my son to be motherless or have a mother who is not healthy. I can be 100% logical about this, but then my emotions get in the way.

Also, because my pregnancy with Jack was so hard, I didn't get to breastfeed. If I choose surrogacy, I don't just lose out on a hard pregnancy, but also feeling my child kick and spin and the ability to breastfeed. I know that may seem trivial, but it was and still is important to me. I lost a lot of my choices when I became sick, and I let go of many things but I wanted to breastfeed and there was nothing I could do.

I agree with PPs that I would not take the risk. I would pursue adoptions/surrogacy if I wanted another child. But honestly, I think I could be OK with just one child.

If BFing is what it holding you back, you know that you can induce lactation, right? One of my friends has adopted 2 children and has breastfed both of them. I don't know all the details, but it starts with some hormones, pumping, etc. She wasn't able to feed 100% at first and had to use a supplemental nutrition system, but she was eventually able to get her supply to where she could EBF. It was not easy, but nothing about parenting is.

The lactation drugs (at least the ones available 8 months ago) had rarely caused heart problems in individuals with pre-existing heart conditions. Just my luck, right?!

mrs-smith2b · June 2012

BeesMomma00:
One last thing... I forgot to mention HOW HAPPY I am that you are OK. I can't imagine having to go through that myself. Best of luck to you.

Thank you!!

Liz4444 · June 2012

I'm so sorry for what you went through. I agree with PPs, I wouldn't risk it. You have a child you need to care for. I understand that you want to be able to breast feed, but if the same thing happens again, you wouldn't be able to breast feed the second child anyway. It just doesn't seem worth it to me.

I know it's easy for me to say that as an outsider, but just think about your adorable son.

UFCasey · June 2012

I just wanted to chime in because I am in almost the exact same situation as you. I developed HELLP syndrome almost immediately after Rocco was born, causing me to be sent to the ICU for several days where I basically could not breathe on my own due to fluid in my lungs that then caused congestive heart failure and resulted in having to be put on a breathing bypass machine and tons of drugs. I was a mess. I could have died. I face a very high probability of future complications some of which include seizures, liver failure, and potential death for both me and my unborn child if I get pregnant again. I actually just posted about how I am struggling with that in my own post recently (https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/66881740.aspx) Anyways, I, like you, also struggle with wanting to have another child, wanting my child to have a sibling, but yet not wanting to die and leave my husband alone and my children without a mother. Adoption and gestational carriers are not inexpensive options either. Currently I am leaning more towards just accepting that unfortunately Rocco will probably be an only child. If you ever want to talk off the board, let me know, I can PM you my email address.

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