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February 2012 Moms
how would you handle this...vent and long
My grandma has watch DD several times because I had to go back to work for a few weeks. I now SAH, but my grandma wants her once a week so she can see her and so I can run errands etc. I let her because I dont mind having a day to get stuff done twice as fast and my grandma has been lonely since my grandpa died and DD gives her something to do. Well, DD went to my grandma's the other day and when I called to tell her I was coming to get DD she started telling me how earlier in the day DD was "screaming in pain" because she couldn't poop. She told me that she found something that helped her but that I might "fire" her once she told me and then said see you when you get here and hung up. So my 30 minute drive to get DD I was freaking out and trying to think of all the things she could have done. The worst I could think of was using a thermometer.
Well, I get there and my grandma is telling me a thousand different stories and finally I just say,"Tell me what you did" She told me that she called a lady who lived down the street who called her husband who is a pedi and asked what she could do. Supposedly this doctor told her to give DD a suppository. So what does my grandmother do? She give a 4 month old baby part of an ADULT suppository. I thought I was going to scream. I know that some pedis due recommend using baby ones, but my pedi told me not to and I chose to follow his recommendations. I think what upset me was that she never called me to ask ME what she should do. She went through all the trouble to call other people but not me.
My grandma and I haved bumped heads several times on the pooping issue. I have told her over and over again that DD does not have to poop every day. DD has been constipated on a couple of occasions but usually she is going normal. My grandma just keeps saying that back in the day it was important for babies to poop every day. I've also told my grandma that she isn't to give DD anything besides gas drops or gripe water(and of course fomula). So how she thought giving me daughter something without my permission was okay blows my mind.
After a couple of day my grandma called me and said she apologized for not calling me first but said she wouldn't apologize for making DD feel better. I told her that DD has NEVER screamed when pooping even when she has been constipated and that there were other things she could have done first that we less invasive and actually for a baby. She just kept questioning me like I didn't know what I was talking about and I feel like she would do it again if the situation arised. I also feel like now she will just do things and not tell me. I knwo the reason she didn't call me is because she knew I would tell her not do anything and I would have just gone and gotten her.
Sorry this is long, but I'm frustrated and I don't know how to handle the situaltion at this point
This discussion has been closed.
Re: how would you handle this...vent and long
I agree. If I were you, I would explain this to her as calmly as possible, but be firm about it.
Nope, sorry. I wouldn't let her babysit anymore.
I would be LIVID if anyone watching my DD gave her anything without my permission, even tylenol.
I might punch my grandma in the face too. ha j/k I love my crazy grandma, but seriously WTF?
I would sit down (after I calmed down) and explain to sweet grams the reasons why it is NOT okay to give my baby anything without my permission. I would explain that I would MUCH rather cut my day of running around short to tend to DD's needs and it wont upset me or hurt my feelings if she called me. I would tell her that at this point I cant trust her to take care of my daughter the way I feel she should be taken care of. After all she is my daughter and I am her parent. I would explain that you know she wasnt trying to upset you or hurt your child in anyway but you need to approve anything that is given to her prior to giving it to her and you need to feel comfortable with the care DD is receiving when you are not around.
This is why my crazy MIL cant watch DD, she has all these crazy theories of what is wrong with her all the time and crazy ideas of how to "fix" it.
She hasn't left you any options. There's nothing to talk to her about because she KNOWS that what she did was wrong and she KNOWS what you would have said and did what she wanted anyway. It would be entirely different if she had tried calling you, couldn't get through, did it, then apologized later when you said she wished she hadn't done it. But she feels that you're wrong and that your baby needs to poop every day and doesn't respect your decision as the mother. The fact that she gave your very small baby part of medicine made for an adult is insane. If you leave your LO with her she'll continue to do as she pleases.
If she asks why she can't have LO alone anymore I would says "Grandma, you know that my doctor said she doesn't need to poop every day yet you feel you know best. When there was a problem with MY child you called everyone but me. You did something that you know I wouldn't approve of and you don't see a problem with that. I love you and we'll spend time with you all together but I just can't leave LO with you anymore since we have such a huge difference in parenting choices."