Find a new job or try to SAH?? I don't know what to do with life.

nicki731 · June 2012

Ok I feel like I am having a mental crisis figuring out what to do with my life. MH and I are planning to list our house for sale in August and move anytime after October. We are moving because we desperately want to be closer to our families and friends who are about 2 hours away right now. We are sorta lonely and very rarely have help with the baby.

MH works for an engineering company and luckily there is another branch of the company he can transfer to in the town we plan to relocate in. So he's keeping the same job in another location. I, on the other hand, can't figure out what to do with myself. Some of you probably remember I work as a social worker on L&D, NICU, and pediatric units. I really like what I do most of the time, but the emotional stress is starting to be too much for me. Also -- the odds of finding another position like this are basically non-existent. I kind of hate admitting this, but I really don't want to take a position doing most of types of social work jobs, and I'm kind of kicking myself for going in to social work at all. I didn't think I'd burn out this fast.

So -- I have no idea what to do for a job. I wouldn't mind an office or computer type job (I even did tech support as a job in college but don't have any formal training), but I don't know what else I could do that would make decent money without going back to school. I have my masters in social work and my bachelors in psychology.

The other big thing is I've always wanted to be a SAHM. But I don't know... I love being with G but sometimes I find it really exhausting to watch him all day. Is that normal or am I not SAHM material? We have ran the numbers of our financial situation a bunch of times and it doesn't look good for me to be able to SAH. I feel like there should be a way to make it work if we really wanted to, but we can't figure it out. And when we decide to have kiddo #2, I feel like daycare costs might not be worth me working. I might sound kinda whiny, I just don't know what I want to do with myself. I'm afraid I'd be miserable as a SAHM even though I really really want to try it...

FWIW, MH makes around 60k and I make around 40k. We have car loans totaling 12k, student debt totaling 40k, and a mortgage. We have about 2k of credit card debt from uncovered medical expenses. We have a chunk of money in savings so that we could pay off our cars and credit cards, but then we'd have just a few thousand left as a down payment towards the next house (which would probably not work at all). We probably could have saved more last year but my maternity leave was unpaid. We have talked about getting rid of cable, lowering our phone and internet plans, etc. but cutting those optional expenses still doesn't make our budget look good enough for me to SAH. How do people do it??

Anyone have any thoughts?

amyc216 · June 2012

After you move, maybe just SAH while you look for a job and see how it works out. If you really enjoy it, call off the job search. GL!!

cantalopes24 · June 2012

Have you looked into part time? I've found that here part time jobs have a much higher hourly wage and when you factor in what it costs me to work we come out way ahead with me part time.

jonnygurl76 · June 2012

It works for us because DH has 2 jobs, so my income was the extra fun $. I say SAH while looking for work and see how it goes.

LCass · June 2012

First, finding it exhausting to be with him all day is absolutely normal. It is exhausting and it is constant. To me, the question of whether you're SAHM material is more about whether you enjoy being with him all day, despite the exhaustion, and how much you miss adult interaction.

As for making it work financially, you just have to decide what's more important for your family's happiness. It's different for each family and you have to prioritize things.

Have you thought about looking for something part time so that it's not quite as big a change (financially, and in terms of adult interaction and everything)? Especially if you're going to be near friends and family, so maybe you can make arrangements for part time child care. In the fall, I'm going back to substitute teaching (year long mat leave because we're in Canada) but will only do 1-2 days per week or two. We're going to see if DH's parents can watch Lily those days. It'll be a little extra income, keep me in the working world so I can try to stay up-to-date, and give me a chance to get out of the house a bit more.

I know it's really frustrating when you spend all this time studying to do something and then after a relatively short time decide it's not really for you after all. But there's nothing wrong with making a change in your career, and your background and skills might lend itself to more positions than you think. I'd start looking into it, but you've got time before October rolls around. And even if you don't find something immediately, it'll give you a chance to test drive being a SAHM when you first move but you can keep looking for the right job.

Good luck!